My DH is a wonderful, loving man to my daughter, 15. He's also wonderful to his Biological Kids. 18, 19, 22 who do not live with us....However, we have issues that I don't know how to resolve or get past. The main one is he oversteps his boundaries with my daughter.
1) he has read her diary WITHOUT my knowledge. then when he saw something not so good, he told me to read it and take care of it.
2) he withholds affection from her if she texts a boy he doesn't approve of
3) he checks her phone records every day practically and
blocks boys from texting her WITHOUT telling/asking me first. When I confronted him if he did, he lied to me because he knew I'd get furious.
4) he caters to my daughters every single need whether I approve or not....gets her breakfast every week even before she wakes up. Lets her watch R movies w/ him I did not approve, etc.
5) undermines me by saying to her, You know I would let you, but your mother won't."
6)I wanted to take him out to celebrate his birthday alone, but he refused unless my daughter went too...(I was having a kids party with ALL the kids the next day but that wasn't good enough.)
7)He used to text her constantly, like he's some 15 yr old boy who has a crush on her...while she was at school taking a test to tell her good luck, while she was at her dads house to see if she was bored, blah blah....but now it stopped...he only texts her once in a while. I do NOT want him texting her at all...there's no reason for it.
he acts jealous of her boyfriends
9) he asked her if she was a virgin....I LOST MY MIND..it's not his business...
10) if she is upset, he tries to handle it without letting me know first.
11) if i walk in on a coconversation they are having and interject my opinion, i am told, "do you mind? we are talking"
12) If i let her do something he doesn't approve of, he makes me feel like I am dong the Wrong thing...

He has become her therapist, friend, mentor to her...etc...I used to have a great relationship with her and after his being here 4 years...it's deteriorated....They are best buddies. My relationship with him sucks...They have a connection...we do not.

On the other hand, he again has a good relationship with his kids...and I am a non-entity stepmom.

All I know is I became a mom so I could be the mom...he is trying to take my place in my daughter's life and I'm at a loss of how to manage this man's behavior.

has anyone had this happen...I try to be grateful he loves my daughter so much..but it's just tooooo much.