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I am the outsider - want to feel like a "we" parents

Bonus Wife's picture

Hi..I need help explaining how I feel to hubby. The average I see his kids is once a month when they visit. (He still sees them every week on his way home from work and speaks to them from work who knows how often.)

I actually really really like my skid...even love them like my neices/nephews. The problem is this though...I KNOW they are his children with another woman and they are not Mine per se,...fine...but I just wish he'd sometimes call them up from OUR HOUSE, so I am kind of in the loop, or just can yell "Hi" from the background. Sometimes I say.."Hey, I miss ***, I wonder how she is"...and he'll say.."Oh, I called her before...she's good."

I swear, it's small potatoes..but it makes me feel excluded or like he has this separate life.

I think if it was OUR child together and she was at college, maybe one of us would call her and tell the other person immediately, or say "Honey, so and so is on the phone...wanna say anything?"

Hubby is not doing anything wrong by calling his kids without me BUT..I just wish he could be more mindful of how I feel..which I can't seem to make him understand......He just keeps saying..he's not trying to "hide"'s just easier to call earlier in the day rather than later in the evening when he comes home. I'm not that upset about this..just disheartened. I am the outsider.


goingcrazy's picture

Maybe you should show him all the posts here on StepTalk. Let him see exactly what you wrote. I think you were very eloquent with what you had to say. Then let him read how other step parents feel. How they wish their Skids would disappear or how they hate the weekends that they are around. Then maybe he will see that he is truly blessed to have a wife that is glad to have Skids and REALLY wants to have a good relationship with them. I think you are completely right for feeling how you do and it is a sign of how much you love your husband and his kids.

Bonus Wife's picture

I have told him...and it's time for me to try to just let it go and know men...they want to do what "they" want to do sometimes. And, Fearless, I too am just the nice lady dad happen to marry...not yet a "stepmom" in any sense of the word. I heard it takes 7 years to bond.

And Goingcrazy, your avator is beautiful!

Chocoholic's picture

I would be really sad if I couldn't be close with my stepkids.... but hey, if it works for you guys then more power!