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My BM

Biomomof2's picture

I wanted to share a little of my childhood. My brother and I are the product of a crazy ass relationship. My parents met when they were court ordered to "Teen Challenge" I know he was there for drugs, her story has changed a couple of times.
Growing up Dad was not around. I hear stories from mom. They were married had my brother, divorced, remarried had me. The stories are confusing. I was told around 5 yrs old how dad didn't want me. He found out she was pregnant tied her to the bed and tried to abort me with a metal hanger. I've been told of how he was a drunk and a drug addict. How he hit her. How my brother was so upset when dad was gone he didn't speak at 5 yrs old for 6 months.
Growing up we heard how he didn't pay CS. BM had no clue where he was. She is borderline, bi-polar (to the extreme with migraines that follow swings) has split personality tendacies. Can't really figure out what went wrong with her. She has 3 brothers who are pretty normal, 2 of the 3 are extremely successful people.
I ended up in a therapy high school at 15. One of the other kids there was being raised by Grandma. Who was the Assistant DA. She looked my dad up and found him. My brother met him first. I met my dad for the first time I remember since I saw him last at 2. I was 15. The night I met him at my school, he took me home. To my surprise my parents slept together that night and got back together. All these stories of dad being this abusive jerk and she is back with him. 4 months later my parents move me from CA to TX to be with his family. Stories start to come out that made me wonder how much my mom had lied to me.
Fast forward to 2008, in 28. My dad dies. I'm cleaning out his home. I find the CS receipts. I find letters still in envelopes from BM to dad. The box is huge. She is a big fat lier. My whole life is a lie. My dad never corrected her stories. I think he did it to not destroy our "truth". I show my brother who has taken the stand that he just refuses to believe. Tears streaming down his face, asked me if it would fix our childhood? Would it bring dad back in time for my brother to forgive and build a relationship? Was he about to throw away the only parent we have ever had? He told me he can't believe it. One of our parents had to be "normal"

BM and I have zero relationship today. I confronted her. She lied she tried to justify. I never got the truth.
Dad is gone. He was paranoid schizophrenic. She has a list of mental and emotional issues. I'm not sure I could get the truth if I could read minds. My brother is a great person. He has full custody of his son, now after years. He has an amazing job, now after years of struggling. He is a functioning alcoholic. I am a colder then most people. Of course I feel. I love, I get mad and sad. But I can detach like you wouldn't believe. Years of my BM using feelings against everyone, I am better with logic.

I built a relationship with dad. My brother was already 19 when dad was found. He was very angry. They never really even got to know each other. When it came to my brother who was BMs target a lot , the damage was done. There is no fixing it. Dad is gone.

Comments

Biomomof2's picture

It did. I love my dad. All of his issues and no matter what he loved me. My only true parent die with him. I don't hate my mom. I just want nothing to do with her.

furkidsforme's picture

Are you sure you aren't fictionalizing your Dad? You are calling him "your only true parent", yet that true parent didn't even VISIT you for 13 years of your childhood. That's not a parent, regardless of if he paid his support bill or not.

Biomomof2's picture

I'm sure. If this was real life I could have explained that more.
Yes. My only true parent. The one who died not shattering our picture of mom. The one who held on to the court papers of Years of fighting to see us. The one that spent the next 12 yrs encouraging me, talking to me, helping me. While my BM called me names, moved me half way across the country with a man I barely knew, got into a fight with him 2 months later and left me with him for 6 months. Didn't see her once during that time. There is A LOT more. But yes, the only one of the two who ever parented rather then make me her best friend

Biomomof2's picture

Yes. She is chaos. She just can't stop. I don't hate her. But I don't love her. She is just the woman that raised me.

The.Sane.One's picture

My lunatic BM died about 8 years ago. I'm still working through my issues with her.

I wish you well in your journey to emotional recovery.

still learning's picture

(((HUGS)))

Quite the drama you mother concocted, glad to hear you are free from her and have made peace with your fathers memory.

My father passed last year, never raised me, met him when I was 16. Lots of half siblings, crazy mother, it was a soap opera life, never boring. I too have nothing to do with my mother for similar reasons. Life is lighter and freer without her in it.

new to this's picture

I understand some of what you are going through. I came from a very dysfunctional home also. I also have the walls built up and after 3 marriages and other bad relationships I'm learning that if you don't let that wall down then you will never know what true love really is. I'm not saying I am there but I'm working on it and I want to get that wall down. I've always been a hopeless romantic I guess, or at least held onto hope that that great love was out there just to realize that I'm the one that has been pushing it away all these years and not accepting it when it was offered to me. I guess I'm just getting older and don't want to die being the cold hearted person I have been most all of my life. Good luck, I hope you can find some peace.