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BM sucks!

bioandstep2009's picture

I don't know WHY I seem surprised whenever she decides to be difficult or makes stupid and problematic decisions about SS10. I should come to expect this from her. It seems as though DH and I get about 4-6 weeks of an apparently normal, sane and cooperative BM. The texts and phone calls are kept to a minimum and she fades into the background. Once that 4-6 week time period is up, and she realizes that she has faded into the background, she says or does something to bring herself back into the forefront. It's annoying... Without getting into specifics, she and DH both agreed on a particular issue with regards to SS months ago. We were all on the same page, all of us being a unified front in our response to SS whenever he questioned us on this particular issue. Now, she has decided to reverse herself and go against what she and DH agreed to. This is NOT the first time she has done this either. She doesn't seem to understand that once again, she has made DH and me look like jerks to SS because in SS's eyes, "mommy" can and ultimately overrules DH on parenting issues even though SS lives with DH and me 99.999% of the time. How I dread when SS comes back after spending an entire summer with her, seeing us only every other weekend for the summer.


herewegoagain's picture

We lived the opposite side of this...DH would make his daughter behave X way when dhe was with us, but we only saw her eow, so when she came back it was back to square one! For a while DH gave up because he figured he couldn't make a difference...but I spoke w/him and told him that if he didn't at least try and his kid ended up a f<>% up, he couldn't even say he tried...she'd eventually blame him for not trying to teach her right from wrong...he finally understood and got on board. Now the funny thing is that on a couple of ocassions, even though she never taught her manners, etc...when DH would pu skid BM would tell him that she was grounded for X or Y and that HE had to ensure she remained grounded at OUR house! Which meant DH only saw her twice a month and she was to be grounded when she was with us!!! It was a way for her to control everything...Of course once we moved out of the country and she had all the control, especially since BM wouldn't even let DH talk to skid, all of a sudden her kid is a loser because of DH. At least DH realized he did what he could and has to guilt feelings for ending up w/a 15yr old, 8th grader, prego kid...

So do what you need to do while he is with you...if he turna into a loser you will at least know you tried...good luck!