I've tried, but it's clearly not in the cards... (Warning: Rated R and LONG)
I'm tapping OUT! Seriously. I'm sure he'll manage to fool another woman into taking care of him and his entitled little brats
I've cooked, cleaned, planned birthday parties, helped with homework and school projects, dropped off, picked up, dropped off forgotten folders and homework, etc... and do you know what I've discovered?
IT IS ALL FOR FUCKING NAUGHT!!!
No matter what I do or how well I do it, my H, SS12 and ss7 are the most self-involved little liars I've ever come across. No matter how much I try to engage, I ALWAYS end up feeling like a fucking idiot for trying, walking away with egg on my face and a broken heart. The latest bullshit?
I planned a pool party for SS12. Now mind you, he is supposed to be with his BM for the summer, but she informed H that she has "too much going on" to get her own fucking child. (Who says/does that?!?!) SS7 lives with his BM for the school year and is with us for the summer. He's actually been well-behaved, albeit painfully immature. At any rate, H and I have been struggling with communication. A lot. We have extremely different point-of-views on so much that it makes it hard to really hear one another out at times. But we've been working on it. I've been looking for a counselor in our new town since we moved early this year without luck. Why did I just learn yesterday that H has still been having counseling sessions (via phone) with our marriage counselor we saw where we used to live? What?! He never even told me about it, let alone asked me to to join in. I'm so pissed and hurt that I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. He tells me, "I don't know why you're mad! You should be glad I want to work on me!" Um, I am glad about that, you JACKASS. I have no issue with that. But wouldn't that come up in conversation at some point? He only told me because I asked him when he last talked with her because we had done two phone sessions together with her. I asked him last night about remembering something that she had told us and he said, "Yeah, but when was the last time you talked with her!" Uh, he knew because he was either aware of it or on the phone. The one time he couldn't make it because he had a meeting, he still asked me to do the session. But moving on...
Then he knew I was going to book club yesterday. I overhear him telling another little boy's father that he was taking him and SS's bowling while I was gone. Not once had he mentioned shit about that plan to me. I truly think he does shit like that to spite me. I had been telling him I really wanted for all of us to go bowling together, yet he always waits until I have something else to fucking do. WHAT GIVES?
So today we're still off and just generally not on good terms. He's at work and I'm taking care of his kids and cleaning the house per usual. I got up cleaned, made the youngest breakfast and went on with my day. When SS12 decided to roll out of bed at 11, I told him he could make some cereal. I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon cleaning and doing projects for my classes. Around 2 (the kids still hadn't so much as thought about showering), I heard SS's wrestling on the STAIRS. They were roughhousing so much that my dog was barking at them because she hates when people file. I opened my bedroom door and yelled, around the corner and up the stairs, "Hey you guys cut it out! Go ahead and get dressed for the day..." The youngest said OK and I considered it a done deal. Then SS12 (who acts more like he's knocked on my bedroom door and said, "Uh, what time is dad coming home for lunch?" I told him it was already 2 and to my knowledge, there had never been a plan for him to come home for lunch. But the truth is DH tells me next to nothing, especially when he calls himself being mad at me, so hey! For all I know, he DID tell them he was doing that! I said, "I have no idea. You should call his cell phone..."
Next thing I know, I'm getting a phone call from H (the first of the day) talking about SS12 called him and said that I was being really mean to them.
KISS! MY! ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you fucking SERIOUS? And H has the audacity to bother me with that bullshit?! Then when I explained what actually happened and told him I can't believe I have to fucking qualify my actions because of what a damn 12-year-old things, do you KNOW what he said to me?! "Why are you taking it personal?! This is the kind of stuff that makes me think we're never going to work... that we're not even compatible..."
Well then I should probably start packing, huh? FUCK THIS! If I have to have go back and forth with my husband because of a lie/exaggeration that his fucking CHILD spewed, only to have my entire marriage continuously be on a precipice of divorce, what the fuck kind of life is that?! THAT, my dears, is subsisting and I refuse to damn do it...
I am so shitty with myself for quitting my job and moving to make this marriage work. Now I am ASS OUT... I've been looking for jobs, and now I have so much more incentive to do so. I told H I am sick to damn death of always having to think about a plan B because at any given moment, if the boat is the least bit rocked because I forgot to walk on eggshells, I suddenly run the risk of being without a spouse, losing kids who I have done for as if they were my own, AND being destitute not to mention fucking HOMELESS.
THIS IS NOT LIFE.