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BellaMia's Blog

I couldn't take it anymore, so I moved...

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Hi everyone. It's been forever since I posted, I know. I just needed to step (no pun intended) back from everything to figure out what was best.

I really love my husband and the boys, too, and wanted my marriage to work, but there seemed to be no solution. I asked him if we could do a marriage bootcamp. He said he was "tired" of working on things and talking about things and just wanted to live. I agree. It's no fun to argue each week. But when things were as bad as they were, you need to address things just to stay together.

Infertility stuff... UPDATE

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So as I shared with you guys before, I have three embryos from my previous marriage. I have had every intention of using them and told my current H about them within a month of meeting him. It has ALWAYS been my intention to try again with them and to proceed from there, depending on the outcome of that. Apparently H thought he could convince me to change my mind.

Depression is setting in...

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H is traveling for work. Again. Left this am and not back until Thursday (just as he did last week). I have to watch SS12 and SS7 and I'm already feeling depleted. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to keep the routine going but they don't make it easy. The youngest has already cried several times (he is BEYOND a crybaby) and the eldest is the most passive-aggressive child I've ever met.

I hate it here... (vent)

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When H is at work, this house is the loudest, most lonely place I've ever been. Plenty to do, but noone to connect or talk with. SS12 and SS7 are inconsiderate, disrespectful and wouldn't know compassion if it walked up to them, made them dinner, gave them candy and said, "Hi, my name is..."

When H is here, I see where they get it. The gloves are off now that we've said "I do." Men talk about they hope their wives don't turn into fat slobs after the wedding. Well, I hoped my H wouldn't turn into a DICK after the wedding and he did just that.

I've tried, but it's clearly not in the cards... (Warning: Rated R and LONG)

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I'm tapping OUT! Seriously. I'm sure he'll manage to fool another woman into taking care of him and his entitled little brats

I've cooked, cleaned, planned birthday parties, helped with homework and school projects, dropped off, picked up, dropped off forgotten folders and homework, etc... and do you know what I've discovered?


Who has a great sangria recipe? I'll need it this summer...

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SS11's trifling BM just called my H to INFORM him that she would not be getting SS this summer. No explanation. She simply stated that she has too much going on to take him. I'm assuming she'll figure out how to take care of the 3-year-old little girl she has by her husband though! Wtf...?

While I was not looking forward to de- and re-programming him when he got back, I WAS looking forward to and in dire need of a break. Now I will have SS11 AND SS7 the entire summer, so it seems...

Oy... SS11 doesn't want to go to bm's for summer...

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This is the first year that SS11 has lived with me and his dad. We've worked our asses off to help him pass the 5th grade, get better study habits, learn about and tend to his hygiene, eat real food, including vegetables (as opposed to microwave burgers, tater tots and ramen noodles), become more mature and more responsible, etc... He's doing so much better and is so much more healthy in every way.

I need to cover my eyes/ears and find a barf bag...

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DH and SS11 are going over definitions/words that he needs to know for an upcoming test. These are ALL things that he should already fucking no. But since his mother is a blathering idiot who let him babysit himself for 11 years, he doesn't know SHIT.

I'm irritated by his lack of interest in anything remotely intellectual. I'm irritated that he will say the WRONG fucking answer but DH will say, "Almost... it's actually..."

Simple pleasures...

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Fact: Disengaging is the best thing since sliced bread. Here are some things I have stopped doing with regard to H and SS11.

Laundry - SS likes to put the clean, neatly-folded clothes I take the time to wash on the floor, mixed in with dirty clothes. As of yesterday, he's now washing his own clothes. I will advise him along the way (the little Amelia Bedelia brained creature would probably put the entire bottle of detergent in and ruin my frontloader), but I'm not touching anything.