You are here

I couldn't take it anymore, so I moved...

BellaMia's picture

Hi everyone. It's been forever since I posted, I know. I just needed to step (no pun intended) back from everything to figure out what was best.

I really love my husband and the boys, too, and wanted my marriage to work, but there seemed to be no solution. I asked him if we could do a marriage bootcamp. He said he was "tired" of working on things and talking about things and just wanted to live. I agree. It's no fun to argue each week. But when things were as bad as they were, you need to address things just to stay together.

All in all, I believe that I tried my best. I was honest, open and upfront with all of my crap. I'm not perfect, but, dammit, I tried and I gave it my all. I feel the worst for the kids, who now have to deal with another huge change.

I hope all of you are well and finding the best ways to make things work within your families. Family truly is everything to me and I am beyond saddened that I thought I'd finally found my family, only to have to walk away to keep from losing myself.

Comments

BellaMia's picture

Forgot to add that we filed for divorce two weeks ago, about two weeks after I moved... We have a 60-day waiting period before it's finalized. Good times... Sad

I'd really hoped he would have realized that our marriage was worth more than his ego and the approval of his parents or from the world, etc...

ThatGirl's picture

I'm sorry that it didn't work out. It sounded impossible to begin with, but at least you gave it a fair try Smile

NCMilGal's picture

I'm sorry to hear it.

I swear, one of the things that has saved my marriage (and it wasn't skid issues) was the 1-year waiting period for a divorce. If it were that easy to get divorced, I think it would have happened years ago.

DaizyDuke's picture

So I'm curious, (and you don't have to answer, as it is a rather personal question) will you be pursuing becoming a mother now that you don't have him vetoing that decision?

BellaMia's picture

Yes, I will. I think it's best to close that chapter (whether it results in a child or not) while I am single. I don't want to have to go to war with someone over something that is so important to me. If it were something I could just forget about and move on from, I would have. So I will just do it on my own and make a way, whatever the outcome.

BellaMia's picture

Thanks so much to everyone for your words of encouragement. It's not easy, but I know in my heart this was right. As hard as it is to move on, it would have been a million times more difficult to stay and continue to be disregarged and disrespected.

He continues to reach out and say things like, "I'm so disappointed in us! I can't believe we couldn't make this work!" I don't understand. I sat there, before I accepted this job, and told him that I would turn it down. I said I would step out on faith, although he had rocked me to my core on many occasions and made me feel like my family could be ripped out from under me. Almost a year of threats of divorce from him, him saying that he would tell me what he wanted to tell me when it comes to the kids and their mothers, him running to his parents EVERY time we had an argument and throwing me under the bus and telling them deeply personal things about me... Him telling me he would be open to my fertility treatments and then changing his mind after we married... Even with all of that, I was willing to forgive because I know I'm not a perfect person and I have had to work to change lots of things. I was open to having grace and allowing things to be made right.

He doesn't get it. He just says that he wants to be with me, but that he feels like I won't accept him for who he is. Basically, he wants to continue to do all of the crap I just listed in the previous paragraph. He's right. I cannot and will not accept any of that. I don't have to settle for that treatment and I won't.