Oy... SS11 doesn't want to go to bm's for summer...
This is the first year that SS11 has lived with me and his dad. We've worked our asses off to help him pass the 5th grade, get better study habits, learn about and tend to his hygiene, eat real food, including vegetables (as opposed to microwave burgers, tater tots and ramen noodles), become more mature and more responsible, etc... He's doing so much better and is so much more healthy in every way.
So the three of us were talking about summer and him going to his mother's for the summer. Why did he tell us he only wants to go there for "maybe a week"? :jawdrop: On the one hand, I desperately need a break away from him. But I also am not looking forward to all the de- and re-programming that has to be done when he comes back from even a week with his mom, let alone an entire summer.
DH told SS that he needs to be the one to tell his mother what he wants to do. Well, unbeknownst to us, SS texted bm last night and said, "Hi mom. I want to stay there for four days this summer." Of course she called him right away, then asked to speak to DH. She asked DH, "what are you guys telling him/putting in his head? I guess you guys think this is funny, huh? I'm not paying for a plane ticket for him to only stay here for four days!"
Sigh... I don't know what's best. SS doesn't like to go there because they don't do anything with him. He'll likely either be babysitting her new child (a 2-year-old) all summer. And when he's not doing that, bm will be dropping him off at random people's homes where he won't do much more than play video games and watch TV all day...
What do you guys think is best.
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The CO says he needs to go
The CO says he needs to go there for the summer. I agree that it's important for him to go. He doesn't want to, but he'd also eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if we let him.
Yep. Go by the co. He doesn't
Yep. Go by the co. He doesn't want to go because he'll be bored. Boo-hoo. That is the life of most kids during the summer- being dropped off and such. Bm deserves time with her son, too. I'd be upset too if my kid only wanted to spend 4 days with me. My ss is 13 and still doesn't get a say on how much time he spends with dh. We go by the co. What does your co say?
I agree with ya... I'm not
I agree with ya... I'm not looking forward to the re-programming, but I think he needs to see his mom and I definitely want us to comply with the CO.
I dont even think there is a
I dont even think there is a decision to be made here. There is a court order -you must comply with it unless ALL parties agree differently. It is not ss's choice whether he goes or not. Also, you cannot take what he says seriously. One day he might want to spend 4 days, the next week the whole summer. He may get to her house and decides he doesnt want to come back to yours. If he's getting candy and video games galore he may decide he's in heaven. Kids do not have the judgment to decide these sorts of things-that is why there is a court order. Their moods change rapidly and that's how they make decisions-based on emotions rather than rational thought.
Yeah you need to go by the
Yeah you need to go by the CO. . it's not SS's choice.
But I sure wouldn't look forward to all the re-programming you'll have to do. Maybe you can give him a little mission to help him share what he's learned to the BM about proper eating habits!!??
Or help teach the younger ones there about hygiene??!!
Definitely inform SS that he
Definitely inform SS that he doesnt get to decide how long he goes. His mom is entitled to the summer, she shall have the summer. You want the time your entitled to correct? You would demand to have it if she were to try to deny it correct? The same applies to her.
It is the custodial parents responsibilty to ensure that the CO is adheared to. It is your DH's job to make sure that his son is with his mother at the proper time and for the proper duration. HE would be in contempt otherwise, and rightfully so.
Agreed... I talked with DH
Agreed... I talked with DH about it and a friend of mine who specializes in family law.
You guys give great advice and I appreciate the reality check...