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In 5 weeks, I will have been a Stalker for 6 years!!!!!

bearcub25's picture

I really need to start doing my story in short blogs. I read the newcomers stories and remember when I was one of them and sounded exactly like them.

I wanted to mold and shape the skids to be better than their trashy Mother. I tried to help BM be a better Mother, cheered her on to get custody back..tried to give her advice. Took on the 24/7 care of them when their Mom lost custody. Tried to give them a good home and some stability.

Yea, now I'm just Fuck it. Whatever. If DSO wants to take custody of SS15 and get their own place...Whatever, go do what you need to do. 4 more years, SD will graduate HS and we can get on with our lives. My DSo isn't one to cater to kids living with Daddy all their lives.


bearcub25's picture

Yea, me either lol.

I do handle it much better than 6 years ago. I can let shit go, disengage and my blood pressure doesn't go off the charts, most of the time.

bearcub25's picture

Actually its been 10 years as SM. I was on the 'other goody goody site' at first. I was so happy when one of the old Ivillage raids led me here to ST.

Tuff Noogies's picture

um, congrats???? :?

kidding! yup, STalk is so helpful in helping to navigate through this mess of steplife, kids, bm's, in-laws, et al.
plus, we all have fun together Blum 3

Ninji's picture

I'm at 6yrs being with my SO (not on this site). I don't get as fired up about BM as I used too. I just don't care anymore. Sometimes I wonder if that's really a good thing? If SO came to me today and said he was going back to BM, I would laugh my ass off and say "Have fun". 3yrs ago I would have freaked and cried my eyes out. StepHell just drains the care right out of you.

B22S22's picture

Girl, I used to be the same way...

Now? Have at her. You want to go back to living in poverty, then go right ahead DH because you know she'd quit her 10-hr-a-week truck stop job and go right back to you supporting her and her outrageous spending 1000%. And forget about your kids leaving the nest, they'll stay where it's all comfortable too. You'll never be able to retire, you'll never be able to travel again (now that I've introduced him to traveling, that's all he wants to do) because you won't be able to afford it. And... you'll have to probably sell that big brand new truck you just bought.

At least I'd be done with the lot of them.

bearcub25's picture

You got that right!!!

DSO does go to work every day. I'm not rich, but I do have a good job. We can do weekend getaways. We bought a Harley and want a bigger one to travel.

DSO told me once in the beginning that BM was like an anchor. They would start to get ahead and she would do something to put them right back in the hole.

I'm almost 53, I'm looking to put myself in the position to retire and be able to travel...not sit in the hood being broke ass.

kathc's picture


I think we ALL follow that arc!

I'm at the "fuck it" stage, myself, and it's lovely here. Wink

Shaman29's picture

Congratulations on joining the six year club!

I've been a member for thirteen weeks now. Bwwwwahahahahahaha.

I'm not so much insane as I am insane. Blum 3

I'll hit the eight years an SM mark this August. I've been at the "I no longer have fucks to give" mark for about four years. Disengagement rocks. Uberskank moving to UT rocks. Skid not in my hair all the time rocks.

thinkthrice's picture

Congrats Bearcub!!

I've been on this site with various acct names for about almost nine years now. I was one of those "doormat" SMs that thought I could gently mold and shape the HORRIFIC behaviour as well. I was questioning my sanity back then because I was a successful experienced parent, yet divorced. Never did it occur to me to treat my children with pity and lowered expectations simply because they were "CODs"
Some realizations I've made since then:

1. It's not just the narcissistic BFF BM that's at fault. The other part is the guilty dad factor throwing money at the problem (which NEVER works)

2. Anything you try to do will be UNdone by the BM and disney daddykins

3. It's not my responsibility but I have a clean conscience because I tried and was slapped down

4. They want you to be nothing more than an ATM, a visitation facilitator and take on 100% responsibility with the accompanying 0% authority--the skids and BM are given just the opposite (Ne Plus!!!)

5. A true narcissistic guilty dad will blame SM when his kids eventually (and they will) PAS out

6. The monster skids that the parents have created WILL always search for the house with the least amount of rules.

7. "Dropping the rope" isn't so bad after all when the BM is an all out PASinator. Child chasing never works once the damage is done and self-preservation as a SM is completely necessary once the child/BM worshiping metre has gone from stupid to ridiculous.