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Updating on our crazy rollercoast life.

bananaseedo's picture

So, as mentioned last, SD came and asked DH to do another DNA test, probably hoping (all of us) the 1st one was wrong.  It came back the same as the other one, DH isn't her bio dad.  It's like being crushed all over again.  Overall SD seems to be handling well all things considered.  She is still at MIL's- however her plan is on track to move out.

MIL goes through days she's a beaotch and others pretends nothing is wrong.  Lately SD said that I am her target, since we haven't returned the room divider yet, so she has turned her rage at me (not knowing at ALL, just assuming)...so I told SD, better me than you girl, I'm not living w/her nor talk to or see her, so let her rant at me, it'll keep the heat of you!

DH has been no contact with MIL- though this week he will have to if he wants to get the title of car signed over to him, and return the room divider.  He's also debating on whether to get a generic bday card, and giving it to her that he 'acknowledges it's her bday' but with nothing inside, and no 'mom, happy bday'- he thinks it will sting more, I said she doesn't deserve even that, don't send anything at all.  I'm leaving that to him.

My health issues are being managed with multiple Dr appts and meds, feeling quite depressed again about it all but staying on top of things best I can.  I have extreme exhaustion and brain fog, making life quite difficult.

SD inquired if we could watch little guy this Sat night, as it's baby daddy bday and he wants to go out w/friends....I have to find a nice way to say no....I don't think we can handle overnights at this point w/my health issues, though a few hours at a time are just fine. We also agree we dont' want to get in the habit of overnights, since these two have a baby and feel that they should still have their old young lives back and party when they want.  We aren't those kind of grandparents lol.  I don't mind babysitting during the day, or even at night and he's picked up, but IMO this baby should NOT be doing overnights at 9  months old!  Not unless it's an emergency, etc.  

I feel that if he were older, mobile, talking, sure...a special overnight at grandparents is fine, but a baby that wakes up still in middle of the night sometimes?  Yeah...nope.  I struggle too much with sleep issues and other that a full 18hr stay is really just too much.

Another issue, my female dog is NOT friendly with him, she moves away, barks if he stares at her or approaches, so she gives warnings and removes herself, but I do not trust her w/him.  Now, the male dog? OMG, he LOVES the little guy, follows him everywhere, and whines horribly when he leaves, and spends the next couple hours looking for him ha!   

I adore the grandson, just trying to 'establish' boundaries and what kind of grandparents we want to be, especially given he is so young.

 

Comments

la_dulce_vida's picture

Your boundary is good about saying no to overnight babysitting. If they wanted to stay young and free, they shouldn't have made a baby. I'd be happy to babysit while they are out looking for their own apartment! *snort*

Sorry to hear about your continued health problems. ((hugs))

Regarding the card, don't stoop to her level. It's better not to give one at all than to give one with the intent to injure. Giving her tangible evidence that she can show others about how her son snubbed her will backfire. Stay classy. Either give a signed card or no card at all.

bananaseedo's picture

I personally agree with you, and I told him this.  In the end, I'll leave it up to him how he handles, most of the time he pretends to do his own thing but ends up listening to me ha! 

JRI's picture

Just a note to say hi and I admire the way you're coping with everything.  You have a lot on your plate!

We didn't do overnights with the gkids, maybe occasionally but hardly ever.  We were both full-time workers and it was too much.  I feel sorry for the parents missing time to party but that's how it is.

Rags's picture

Stick to your guns on not watching the GSkids.  As a cautionary tale, my parents have very good friends they RV with fairly regularly who bale on the RV trip early more often than not.  The DW in that marriage cleans the house, does laundry, cooks, feeds the kids, baby sits, their own daughter and their SIL.

When the phone rings with their coddled daughter in tears, the DW immediately has the DH pull the plug on their RV and they get on the road back to the coddled daugher so Mommy/GMa can coddle the daughter, feed, clothe, etc the coddled daughter's family.  These people are in their late 70s to early 80s and their coddled daughter is in her 40s.

My mom is an amazing care giver and if left to her own devices would do all of these things for her boys and her GKs.  However, neither my brother nor I allow her to do those things whether they are visiting us or we are visiting them.  Neither does our dad.  If we expected it, even our heart of gold mom would lose her shit on us in a number of most unpleasant ways.  If we expected our fathers wife to coddle us, whatever was left after mom go through with us would had dad to deal with.

Fortunately, we wouldn't let her even if she wanted to.

NO!  And mean it.

Take care of you.

bananaseedo's picture

I agree, fortunately to date, she has been overly appreciate and grateful for the less then handful of times we've watched him. I'd love to keep it that way, where it's not expected but can count on us for very few exceptions in a dire straight situation, not because they want to go party.

It's tough to hold boundaries given all that has happened-navigating the emotional minefield of her finding out about the facts of her dad, but in the end, it's best we stick to the approach we had from day one, and not give in because we feel guilty, or else open a can of worms we can't fix down the road. 

CLove's picture

Take precedence over party life...

Healing thoughts your way

bananaseedo's picture

Right?  In some ways they figure they can still have their 'old' lives when deciding to have a baby LMAO....NOT! 

 

bananaseedo's picture

In addition, I looked at my insurance/payment information today as my hospital stay was uploaded.

$37,000 plus for the 2 days- what???? My payment? $0.00 - I told my husband he can never quit his job, although not great paying, their insurance is fantastic.  One of those 'old-school' types we had years ago during Clinton times.

I still have bills pending during my time with my jobs insurance for deductibles, his has none...it's insane good.

I don't understand WHY though they have to mark up insurance bills so significantly compared to the actual cost?  

So far this year, just for me alone I've had about $45K covered.