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OT-Why can't people just move on and let things go.

AshMar654's picture

So if you follow my blog you know I had a falling out with my friend and she keeps texting here and there. I do not respond to her texts. I do not plan on responding to this one.

This is what it said.

"Ya know...all this just sucks. After 16 years you couldn't remember my birthday. Like. I have an alarm set on my phone for yours. And I get it. Your dad passing away was tragic and unexpected and I have no idea what that had to have been like. But there are some day I miss you. Another I'm still pissed. And...yeah. That is all."

Yeah I find this all very interesting. Yes many of you may think that I am holding on and I would not post if i had really just moved on. For the most part I have. I do miss my friend but the person she was years ago not the person she has become. Honestly I just do not get it I do not respond to her texts so why even bother? I am moving on with my life and doing my thing and have excepted that we have grown apart and that our relationship as friends is toxic. Why can she just not see this and except it?

I think I am getting to a point of blocking her as every time I hear form her I just get angry about it all. I let it go after I vent. I made mistakes and am not innocent in all the things that transpired that led to our friendship crumbling. I do not think she will ever see what she did wrong and how awful she was to me. The pure fact that she still holding on to me not wishing her happy birthday after she said she needed space just shows how selfish she truly is.

Just a vent, sorry.

Comments

beebeel's picture

1. You were angry with when she kept checking on you as you were depressed and isolating yourself?

2. You interfered with her sister as she was correcting her nephew?

3. You got drunk with last thanksgiving and told her she would be an unfit mother, but you denied ever saying that...even though you were drunk? This same night she tried telling you a lot of the same things many of us here have been trying to tell you regarding your BF and his family. You don't like hearing a different perspective on your situation. AT ALL. 

Yeah, I think it is time to end this relationship, but not for the reasons you think.

SteptoThis's picture

Cool. set an alarm to REMEMBER my bday? lol. bye felicia. She's trying to bait you in.

beebeel's picture

Was your friend even aware that your dad died? I mean, you weren't speaking with your dad for like five years. When he became sick, you weren't speaking with your friend. So...how was she supposed to know about it?

AshMar654's picture

No she did not know. I get she did not know.

Once she did find out because I sent a message saying I forgot because you blocked me on FB (which is how I remeber b-days because I am so bad a birthdays it is not even funny. I called my mom the other day on her birthday did not realize what the date was till I got work and was like oh crap I am a bad daughter. I told her she thought it was funny because she knows me. I have woken up on my own b-day and forgot the date and did not know till someone wished me happy birthday.)

Besides all that I told her I forgot, you blocked me, also my dad died. (I was driving back the day after cremating him so my mind was really messed up when I got her message.) All she said was "Copy. Sorry to hear that." OK....I ignored and moved on day after x-mas she text me basically still saying i was a bad person for forgetting her birthday and wished my SO and SS a merry x-mas but not me. I ignored and was like ok in my head. 

bananaseedo's picture

Cut her off.  She can't even respect that?  No friend at all.  When I cut ties w/an old friend because of her toxicity she left me alone-at least I could tell she somewhat was a friend because she respected my asking for us to part ways and realized her mistakes in what brought me to my decision.   And you know what? It's ok to still mourn the loss of a friendship or the good times you had together and miss those times-even if you're no longer at a place to have her in your life, kwim?

 

 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Dear lord, she is needy and possessive.

DH and I had a friend break-up a few years ago. They just stopped hanging out, responding to texts, etc. I eventually sent them a message asking what was up and was told it was an issue between them and DH. They never told DH or I what the issue was, despite telling other people a few different things. I let it go and washed my hands of it (which was fine by me because I didn't like or trust the wife; she insinuated once just out of the blue that she was afraid to leave her daughter near DH which basically caused both he and I to never be near either wife or daughter ever again).

Well, wife was at a bridal shower shortly thereafter with me, and decided to approach me about approaching her husband. She basically said that sometimes friendships aren't meant to last, and I bluntly told her it was over and we didn't need to talk about it. She kept pushing it, which I didn't understand because they had decided to end the friendship.

Now, only one other couple of our group hangs out with them. No one appreciated the wife's comment about DH, and no one appreciated that they didn't bother to talk to DH or I about issues. Now the husband complains that our other friends won't hang out with him. Well, that's what happens when you make these kinds of decisions - there are unintended consequences.

Your friend likely wanted to get a certain reaction out of you. When you didn't play into her games like she wanted, she decided she needs to keep at it. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, but sometimes these types of abrupt relationship endings are good. DH and I had some unresolved issues with the friend and wife who dumped us that we were able to resolve once we were outside the friendship. I think you'll find that if you cut her off completely that you'll feel similarly.

 

 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

"sometimes these types of abrupt relationship endings are good"

YES. I had a BFF for 45 years - since we were 5. I didn't even realize that the relationship had turned toxic and BFF had become a terrible friend. The breakdown happened gradually, but the ending was abrupt and UGLY - after which now ex-BFF was IMMEDIATELY blocked on all communication. A few months later, I received an email at my work from exBFF saying "Hi, Aniki. I miss you." No "was a complete and utter arsehole", no "I'm sorry".  I put a block on my work email. A couple of months after THAT, I got another email from ex-BFF's SO's email address (stating it was ex-BFF). I blocked that, too, and haven't heard anything since then.

It's time for OP to block this TOXIC, EX friend.

mommadukes2015's picture

I have a lot of friends who over the years, my contact with has waxed and waned. Recently one of my college roommates got married and I got to see some people I haven't seen since graduation in 2011. We have been in regular contact ever since. No beats missed, no love lost. And some of them went through some stuff that my roommate kept me up to date on-but I didn't hae the capacity to help and they weren't reaching out to me. 

Then, I have a friend from High School who sometimes I talk to and see all the time, other times months go by and we don't speak or see each other because..ya know..LIFE. There have been times throughout our friendship where we were just at starkly different places and couldn't relate. I love her, no matter what, but sometimes she's so juvinile I need a break. And I'm sure she feels the same way about my "hard a$$ness" as she calls it. 

On my 3rd hand, I have a friend who I see and talk to at least weekly. 

 

Regardless, if any of them needed anything at any time, or vice versa, they'd be there, I'd be there-in a heartbeat. Because that's what friends do. They don't keep track of birthday wishes, they don't play tit for tat and they certainly don't minimize the loss of a parent. Life is too busy, and too short to get your panties all in a bunch over a missed birthday. 

 

Other than that I'd like to point out 2 things:

1.) If she needs a reminder in her phone for your birthday, then really, she clearly hasn't committed it to memory either and needs a reminder. That doesn't make her super friend. 

2.) If she wasn't there for you when your dad passed and she's "sure that was hard" why doesn't she KNOW how hard that was for you? Where the hell was she? That is a drop all things, no holds barred, if you're that close you be there-kind of deal. 

 

This chick is drama. If you need space, take space. I encountered someone like that in 2010. She's still my facebook friend and was very tit for tatty-however I have no desire to hang out with her or socialize without outside the occasional facebook comment BECAUSE of that behavior. 

 

Friendship understands when life happens and doesn't hold it against you. If you have to, drop her for a while. See where you're at when you feel like it. Maybe she'll get the picture. 

 

AshMar654's picture

Thank you so much for all this I really appreciate it. That is kind of how I felt, if she had told me someone close to her in her family passed away that fight and everything would have been behind me and I would have actually called. I just got sorry to hear that and several messages about her b-day.

I think I could have been ok until the whole thing with my dad. She made it pretty clear after the argument she wanted nothing to do with me. She blocked me and my SO and I mean blocked can not even find her on facebook but not my mom. She said she wanted space. I took my cue and was like ok.

ESMOD's picture

I am thought that after the last fiasco with her that you were just going to let the friendship go.  I remember there was fault on both sides, but you also maintained that there were other unforgivable things she had done.  If you feel the need to respond at all I would tell her that you are sorry but that you feel your relationship has run it's course and you wish her well.

AshMar654's picture

<p>Yeah I have not talked to her I jsut did not think she would keep texting me is all. I guess some people just can not let go and move on. It sucks on my end that i have to block her and set up my phone to do it. I know not a big hassel but what happened to respecting boudaries. Guess that is not what happens these days.</p>