I have been with my fiance for about 4.5 years now. I've always liked kids and seem to get on well with them, however i never envisaged the problems that are occurring with having step kids. He has two daughters and I feel like i haven't got anywhere with them during the time i have been with my partner. I try to keep a positive attitude and come up with new solutions to tackle trying to get the girls to help out/behave etc. However, i feel like even after an hour or so i start to feel frustrated and get irritable with them. They have a difficult relationship with their mother so i feel guilty about being too hard on them, but i feel they just walk all over me and ignore what i say to them. It's obvious they both like me which im really grateful for, but im feel really suffocated by them. I feel like they want me to spend every second with them ,and don't get me wrong i'm happy to spend time with them but it's impossible for me to be with them constantly.Sometimes it gets to the point that they've harassed me so much i have no energy left to spend time with them. They follow me around everywhere, constantly watch what im doing and ask me really silly things just to talk to me. A lot of the time i can feel them staring at me and im begining to feel like a prisoner in my own home.
I also feel like they treat our house like a hotel, and no matter what ive tried to get them to help out we always end up in the same position. I understand it must be difficult as they have no routine or discipline from their mother. However, i dont feel im asking much from them.For example, i have asked them on many occasions to either put dirty clothes in the wash basket or put clothes clothes away that have been worn but are not dirty. A simple request turns into a nightmare. They either ignore and leave dirty/clean clothes all over the floor of there bedroom or they put clean clothes in the wash basket. when i have mentioned that the clothes in the basket aren't dirty and try to remember not to put clean stuff in the basket, they start to do weird things like put dirty knickers/socks etc back in their drawers or just stop putting stuff in the basket and start leaving all over the floor again. i dont understand what is so difficult to understand about this, and i have tried so many different ways to talk to them/explain to them/encourage them i even tried to pay them a small amount of pocket money for doing this and still i haven't gotten anywhere. It's so unimportant really but its really starting to piss me off now.
the eldest has started staying at ours more during the week now, my partner has just started to work late and I have to look after her. I'm finding it a nightmare and i just dont want to do it anymore but feel like i have no choice. It takes all my energy to try and convince myself it'll be fine by the time she comes home from school, it's my fault for dreading it- she's only a child. I just count the hours until my partner gets home.I feel like the amount of housework i have to do doubles when shes around, she doesn't clean up anything after herself yet continuously asks me for jobs around the house. When i do give her a job to do she spends five minutes doing it not really putting in any effort then i back to ask for the next job??? We have spoken so many times open and honestly and ive thought so many times i have got through to her but never do. I have even mentioned to her that i ask her to do things and then she doesn't- why she doesnt and am i doing anything wrong. its just different excuses all the time, and im getting really fed up now after 4.5 years of the same things all the time and im so bored of it all. I feel like a horrible nasty person for the way i think of them sometimes, but i see their attitude as ungrateful and disrespectful at times. We have provided everything for them and they have a much nicer home with us(own bedrooms etc) compared to their flat with their mum were they share a room, but they trash them every time their here. Stuff gets left all over the floor and walked on/broken and i feel like they dont appreciate anything they have. It's getting to the point no where i find it easier to avoid the children and i have no energy left to try the same things over and over with them. I've tried talking to my partner-he agrees they could do more but told me all i had to do is be myself and made no effort to try and come up with solutions to make things easier when they are here. Thing is i dont feel like i can be myself around them , because if i act my bubbly self they both cling to me like koala's and they won't leave me alone no matter what i try. I have never felt like this about children before and i am worried it is me with the problems not them. I am a child of an alcoholic and had a pretty rubbish childhood. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the problems im facing or because i never had a mother really if im cut out for all this after all.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated as im feeling like i want to leave at the moment.