You are here

Attention seeking 11 year old.

aprtchrd's picture

I'm feeling really irritable today after the weekend with my partner's children here. They were with their mum the weekend before and it was bliss, we were getting on really well and i was feeling really happy. Today i feel angry and frustrated.
I'm starting to feel like i really don't like his eldest daughter. I'm trying to think it's not her fault, but it seems everything she does really annoys me now. It's the same things over and over again and im so bored of it all.
shes so weird and thats the only way i can describe it. i can feel her starting at me when i'm doing something all the time, or she'll walk into the room and i'll be reading or something- she'll stare for a few minutes then walk off??? if it's not that she'll ask me really stupid or obvious questions like she's just looking for a reason too talk too me. the thing is im really approachable and im not passive aggressive like her mum and i don't understand why she can't talk to me like a normal person!!! if the youngest daughter walks in the room and sees me she'll say hello and ask me how i am/how was work etc and we'll have a conversation= cool im happy with that. example of the eldest came home from work literally just walked into the house and i got do you know were dads car keys are??? no hello no nothing and i just feel like i want to give a sarcastic comment back like no ive literally just walked in how would i know? another i was cooking tea at teatime, she walks in are you cooking tea? so i said no im cooking breakfast and smiled and she looked at me like i was weird but i just dont no how else to answer her stupid questions remarks because its happening so often.
ive been disengaging like a lot of you have suggested which is helping me not to feel as pissed off all the time, but i just feel so bad because im starting too dislike this child so much, i can't satnd being around her which is really difficult as now she comes to our house after school on thursday and my boyfriend doesnt get home til 8ish so im stuck with her. im also really fed up of her feel sorry for me attitude about her mother, she really doesn't have it that bad. i got battered and had nothing as a child yet i never felt sorry for myself all the time and played on it like she does. she's got everything a child could want at her mums and at our house and i just find her so ungrateful and unappreciative. she'd rather follow me around the house talking at me than spend time in her nice room. she never uses any of her stuff and if she does she leaves it out to get destroyed. she promised me and my partner she would start being more responsible ie cleaning her room, sorting her school stuff out blah blah blah since starting secondary school but i feel like nothing has changed. i feel like we never get through to her. i feel like she's so selfish all she thinks about is herself, feel sorry for me, give me attention. The other thing that really grinds my gears is how much of a bitch she is to her little sister. im not saying i was 100% nice to my brother all the time but she is horrible to her, especially if she thinks no one is listening. she will do anything to her in into trouble and is always snitching on her. she never helps her, she never plays with her nicely and ive tried to stop this as has my partner, im starting to think she just isn't a nice person maybe shes just like her mum, she often sounds like her when she screams at her little sister.
i also feel like she's learning how to be very manipulative which is so shocking as she's only 11. and all she wants to do is harass adults and eve's drop on converstions, ive caught her so many times. i dont understand why she doesnt just want to be a young girl and do her own thing, why is she obsessed with following adults round, and why do i feel like all she does is look for negative attention. we told her what we expect from her millions of times over the past 4.5 years, and if she would just do it she would get positive attention which she has had in the past. its like she keeps purposely forgetting and the lame excuses she gives just don't wash anymore for an 11 year old turning 12.
i feel so bad writing this, thinking this and its obvious she likes me which makes it worse. i feel like i can't be myself around her coz she clings to my happiness and i just find her so creepy and annoying.
i don't understand why my feelings have got so bad towards her, i think its mainly because she doesnt try to help herself sometimes, and she hasn't listened to any rules or advice we've given her over the years, i can't stand another week of her let alone years until she moves out.
what can me and my partner do? i really want to stay with him, as far as our relationship goes it couldnt be better he's my best friend as well as my lover. i feel bad talking to him about it because he does feel the same but i think he just feels bad for leaving and sorry for her. he is very good at disciplining her, he's very fair and doesn't shout. he talks to her all the time and he does give her attention, but i think the both of us feel like its never enough for her she always want s more more more, and its always whats next, whats next???
she has started seeing a Councillor in school which i hope will help her, i also feel sorry for her and i wonder if because my partner, his mum and I have showed signs of feeling sorry for her that we've ended up with her the way she is????
anyway enough ranting from me just had to get it out my head!!!

Comments

westst3bh's picture

Literally in the exact same place right now. Exact same situation with my bf's daughter who is 11 also. also so crazy. Just wanted to say I understand you and you're not alone. My sit may be a little worse since I don't have my partners support.