Shall I just leave? I feel invisible
Hello, newbie here. Sorry for the following long rant but I need to get it out before I explode!
I have been with my SO for three years. He is divorced with two children, a girl aged 14 and a boy aged 10. His children live with their mother and we have them over midweek for a night and every other Weds night - Sun evening.
I have no children of my own and have never had an interest in having kids. I have tried really hard with my SK, bought them things to make them feel at home when they are with us, made their rooms nice, bought in food that they like etc. They just seem so ungrateful though and they are so messy! Their BM is lazy and they have picked that up from her, but also their father isn't the tidiest person either. I have wasted so much time trying to keep the place clean and tidy, only to have it go back to being a pit again. SD is the worst, everything gets thrown on the floor, dirty clothes left everywhere. SS has absolutely no common sense and can't even tie his own shoes, he's been spoilt and had everything done for him. When we go out all together, sometimes we have a good laugh, but most of the time they and their father just walk on ahead talking, leaving me and the dog behind. I give them space to have time alone with their dad but now that's gone too far the other way and I get ignored completely when they are here. I already have issues about being ignored and rejected (thanks to past experiences with my own family; I was abused as a child and none of them believed me so they disowned me) and these issues are compounded when his kids are here. I spend most of my time now in my bedroom when they are here, which doesn't help. My SO doesn't help either, he spends most of his time with them talking about what they used to do as a family with their mum. I'm so stupid, I spent all day yesterday crying because we went for a walk, they did the usual walking ahead without me and then SO saw a photo opportunity with SS and said 'ive got to send this pic to your mum, she'll love it'. I have loads of pics of the SK and I always send a copy to their dad, but he never does that for me, always to their BM. I feel like an outsider, even in my own home. My partner says things like 'we will all go for a bike ride today'; I don't have a bike, so 'we all' just means him and the kids. I've bought practically all the furniture etc in the house and we only have one car, which is mine, that they use when they want to. There are many other things that bother me too but I don't want to go on anymore than I already have. Should I just leave? I've tried talking to my SO but he just thinks I'm being too sensitive. I feel like nothing.