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Had a week away....now its harder than ever to deal with it all

PeanutandSons's picture

My grandmother passed away the day after Christmas and I flew back home with my boys for a week to attend the services. I could have gone for a week and a half with my work schedule, but dh was in a panic over having to be on his own with the skids and I didn't push it. He actually wanted me to fly up the day of the wake and fly home the day of the funeral so that I would only be gone one night, smh.

A week away was like heaven [other than the circumstances of the trip, of coarse]. There was no yelling no having to be on guard all the time. I got to relax and enjoyed y my kids. I didn't have to worry about who was doing what in the next room, worry about where my bs3 was going for fear a skid would corner him alone on his walk to the bathroom. I got to sleep in (til 8!) Because I didn't have to worry what would happen to bs while I wasn't up to supervise his interactions with skids.

Dh claimed that the skids were so well behaved while I was gone.that he had NOOOOOO problems with either of them. This information actually made me mad. I know it should have made me happy that they were behavioral ng, but the t just upset me. So they can behave, but just chose not to when I am there? I felt really guilty for that reaction.

He mentions a t several times every time I called, how good they were being. Didn't let on my aggitation, b t every time he said it I got more and more agitated.

The day after we got back(we flew in really late and just elwent o bed when we got home) dh gets up for breakfast and then goes back to bed for a nap. I ask him to gets up and spend some time with me and he says no, that he hasbo work later and wants to sleep til then because he's tired. I say, then the skids are gong to daycare. "Why?" Because I was flyering with the boys all day yesterday and I want to relax. If you aren't going ng to be up dealing with them then they Dan go to daycare, esp if you are going ng to work at 2[until midnight]. He passes back out, I get the skids dressed and take them to daycare.

Dh is prissy when he wakes up, a noon, and sees that is took the skids and kept bs3 with me. Again I explain that I was flying all day yesterday and needed to unwind and relax, and that bs3 was also flying for 8+ hours and deserved to relax and catch up on sleep too. That of he wanted the skids home he should have stated awake and watched them. Again he guilted me with the whole they were so good all week with me. Telling me, nicely, that I seem to get too upset when they do things. That I get upset level 7 or 8 for thongs that should only be a 3 or a 4. We talk for a bit and it come out that intact they were not the angels that he was making them out to be. Said he had to majorly yell at the each several times while I was gone. He admits that he knows they aren't easy, but maintains that I over react.

Still feeling a bit guilty.....until I go in sd9-almost 10's room to get her laundry. She had taken her art supplies and "decorated" her wall. Stickers, crayon, markers, stamp ink and paint. Stratigically placed on the wall that her door is on so it can only be seen from inside, and not from the hallway. Casually, with a slight smile, tell eh that all that time you thought she was nicely playing in her room watching TV she was actually coloring the wall like a two yr old. And ss11 already broke his new tablet from Xmas, there a huge crack across the screen.

Then I do the laundry and realize as I am folding clothes that SD only has two pairs of underwear....for a week and a half a f clothes. Two weeks ago we had this issue and SD told dh that her dirty underwear was in her closet but that she was putting on new underwear everyday. He accepted that story, I thought it was total crap. And here we are again. This time he asks her about the underwear and she again says they must be in my closet. I jump in and point out Tue rediculouness of that lie....why on earth would she put all her clothes in the basket basket but remove the dirty underwear to throw in the back of her closet?. She had no answer but stuck to her closet story. Dh tells her to go get them and put them in her basket. I tell him to follow her and make sure she isn't just taking clean underwear out of her drawer and saying they are the dirty ones. And that is exactly what she was doing. She didn't know he was watching as she went to her underwear drawer and grabbed and handful of clean folded underwear and thew them in her dirty clothes basket. NASTY NASTY NASTY. Two pairs of panties in 11 days. And then f coarse she never admits it.... Claimed someone must have taken them. Dh let it drop instead on making her come clean.

In the consersation that followed it comes out that neither skid has showered since I left. Dh told them to shower and they went to watch v in their rooms and said they showered. Dh never bothered to check or notice that sd's hair looked like shit and never looked wet (but ts possible that she sprayed it down and put gel in it so it looked wet). Ss's response "we did bathe, we took showers last week right before Christmas"... I go that's great that you showered at the beginning of last week except that now its the END of this week!.

They we're their usual a-hole selves all weekend. Fighting, lying, may behaving....up to and including throwing shoes at each other. And dh didn't notice any of it until he heard me yelling at them. So its not that they were behaving while I was gone, dh is just so clueless he doesn't see it!. I swear.... A swat team could ransack out house and dh wouldn't notice when he's on the computer or napping.

Comments

bi's picture

OMG. i want to beat their asses for you! i don't even know where to start. i think it's absolute crap that dh expected you to only be gone one night for something like a funeral because HE didn't want to be alone with HIS kids. that right there would have put me in a rage. how dare he act like YOU taking care of HIS kids is more important than spending time with family during a family death? grrrrr. he needs his ass beat, too!

PeanutandSons's picture

Think its half lying (as he later admitted having to yell at both of them several times) and half sticking his head in the sand and not seeing it.

PeanutandSons's picture

Think its half lying (as he later admitted having to yell at both of them several times) and half sticking his head in the sand and not seeing it.

sterlingsilver's picture

well he might be telling the truth about their behavior b/c kids always behave better when they'r not required to do anything and get their way. Little shits.

ConfusedStep's picture

Well since they're such little darlings and you are irrational with them, maybe he should take care of them. After all, everything goes so smoothly when daddy is around. It's best for all if you really.

In all seriousness, I think you might be right about what really happened when you left.

Krispey Kreme's picture

Well golly, since it went so well for him, he should take over and parent his children without your help Smile

I think he's full o'crap about it, spoiled kids don't change like that. Your SD needs to clean her own walls. I would not touch those walls until I threw her azz out at age 18 or sooner and made the room into a hobby room for myself. SS doesn't get another tablet if he broke the one he has. He obviously was too young and immature to be able to have such a "toy". He'd never get another one, unless he bought it for himself with his own money. That's how they learn to be careful. They'd both be grounded. They are both old enough to behave better than they have. And they are certainly old enough to help out around there, instead of being so destructive. I'd be whupping some skid azzes. If DH didn't like it, he could go bark at the moon. He just ignored it all until you came back. Stop cleaning up after them, they are certainly old enough to pick up their own clothes and get them to the laundry. If they want to forgo baths and wear dirty clothes, then they can accept the consequences when their school friends make fun of them for smelling bad. Sometimes peer pressure works better in these cases.

And it sounds like they mistreat your BS3. If they did that, I'd mistreat them. I'd make it clear that whatever they did to him, I'd do double to them or I'd make sure they left my house, never to return. My SD pulled that crap when my bios were babies (she was 9 years older than them) and my DH just laughed it off and made excuses for her. I was too young to understand that I needed to push back. If I knew then what I know now, I'd freaking tear my SD (who is now 41) a new azz. If my DH protested, I would tear him a new azz. My SD never would have been allowed to behave the way she did if I could go back in time.

I just hate it when lazy bioparents don't raise their own kids. And expect their new spouses to carry their baggage for them. It's not fair and it causes a lifetime of hard feelings and a loss of respect for the lazy bioparent. Parent your own kids, people! So much trouble would be avoided if they would.