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Would you get involved in your dh and sks relationships

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 4:16pm

Unfreaking's blog got me to thinking about this. I'm not trying to hurt anyone and know we all deal with frustration differently.

I don't think I would. There were times when dh didn't get along with relatives and I stayed out of it. I stay out of his relationships with SDs. That seems to work best for everyone in our house.

On the whole things just seem better to me when we SMs don't get involved with our DHs relationships with their kids. But I know it sucks to see your spouse hurt and sometimes the frustration just explodes.

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purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 4:33pm

I feel we are a team one unit and if we are doing things separately physically or emotionally then there is no relationship so why stay married? you can do all that alone! that is how I feel. But I would never tel my dh to not have a relationship with his kids. However I expect to be involved as well. That doesn't mean I have to tag along for everything but as a whole we are a team one unit period and if not im gone.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 5:56pm

If he referred to you as his bride to her, I think that was one more example of him pitting you two against each other (unintentionally). Even though what he said was and is the truth.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 6:42pm

No, I would try not to at all cost although it may involve literally biting my tongue. I have done in the past but it is of little benefit to anyone, it just endangers your more fragile relationship with them, and in my experience DH is so wary of alienating them and confronting things that he is unlikely to appreciate the intervention. Its like hurling yourself between DH and stepchild to defend your mate, only to find him mouthing 'I don't mind, don't worry about me' over your shoulder. Futile. On the last occasion I tried, when 2 of his daughters didn't bother to come and see him before his brother's funeral, DH informed me he can 'fight his own battles', I told him flat out he can't. In other areas yes. With his first marriage children, no. But I have given up trying to fight them for him.

Flipchip2013's picture

Submitted by Flipchip2013 on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 8:30pm

I used to. I even sent an email a little similar to Unfreaakingreal's to her SS (it was nicer, though.)
Yep, learned my lesson. If she is going to treat her FATHER that way, why would she give a shit what *I* have to say about it?

Now, I try to make her a non-entity in my life.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 10:49pm

I have in the past. I always used to call ss out on his shittful behavior whether that be toward dh or whoever. Because, well, someone needed to do for the good of humanity. At this point I haven't spoke to ss in well over a year. He's been in juvenile detention for the last month. Personally I think dh needs to call his probation officer to find out length of stay and all hat but he is not doing it. Oh, well. I just shrug my shoulders and go about y business.

newtothis03's picture

Submitted by newtothis03 on Sun, 09/29/2013 - 12:04pm

I guess it would depend on the age of the child. I'm very involved. My SD is very young and if I hadn't given my DH a little push, he wouldn't have the time with SD he has now. And I know that in the next 2 years or so we will be starting our own family. I know SD lives primarily with BM but we still have rules at our home. I firmly believe kids need and crave structure and they can tell when there is weakness in your relationship.