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what skid decisions do you think you should have a say in?

Anon2009's picture

Do you think you should have a say in all skid decisions, i.e. what do you do when a decision needs to be made about school, medical, etc.? What is your reasoning behind your opinions on this subject? Does DH discuss these issues with you and include you in the decision-making process, or are you only included in more minor skid decisions?

I'm a CP SM so I am involved in the major skid decisions, even more so since BM abandoned the kids.


livizzle's picture

I believe that I should have a say in things that can/could impact them while they are at our house (rewards, punishments, expectations, etc).

Kay2's picture

I agree with mimi, FDH and I are custodial, but I really only have a say in things that affect me and my household.

MissC82's picture

Well, in my household I dont have a say in anything. And even when SD wants to skip school, DF lets her... then takes her out to McDonalds! Fk this sh*t! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

simifan's picture

I really don't understand how so of you do stay in relationships with no say. To me it's no respect for you as an adult member of the household. DH & I came to the decision their would be joint parenting with SD as well as of course any future Bio kids or there would be no marriage.

With SD and we have been CP and NCP, DH and I hashed what ever the situation was/is and he is our face and presents our decision to BM. If they disagree (this was far more common when we were NCP) DH and I discuss where we are willing to compromise & where we aren't.

I can't imagine having no say in my household. Kudo's to any of you that don't & still stay.

helena_brass's picture

Hmm let us know the results of the MRI. I'm particularly interested because I've suffered from severe migraines since I was in kindergarten--around the same time as your SS. When I was at that age no one really believed that they were real (because I didn't have a temperature and I had them practically every other day). When I was a little older they did some allergy tests (no allergies) and said I should avoid processed foods like hot dogs and foods high in salt. I don't get them quite as often anymore--the worst was between ages 4-9. Tylenol did not help, crying made it so much worse, and the only things that really seemed to do any good were throwing up, fresh (cold) air, and sleep. I still get them on a regular basis, but I can usually catch them early on before they fully develop; they only medication that I've found that works in Advil Liquid Gels. I don't know why, but nothing else that I've tried seems to work (IB Profin, regular Advil, Tylenol Extra Strength helps just a little, Midol, Excedrin, Beyer, and so on). They tried to prescribe me some preventative medication in the last year, but it made me uneasy that they didn't really understand how the drug worked and it was formerly used as an anti-depressant. I stick to the liquid-gels. Certain foods and certain smells can trigger the migraines; I'm not sure if it's the same for your SS? I can't wear strong perfumes or be around any cinnamon-scented candles. Reading in the car also triggers them. Anyway, I'm not sure if he has the same kind of triggers or sensations (light/sound/movement sensitivity). I hope you guys can find something that works to help him.

sm2bd's picture

I believe I should have a say about anything that affects me. As far as disciplining, if it happens in my home, I have a say in it. If it affects me in any way, I have a say in it. When BM calls and wants us to get SD when it's not our regular time to get her, I have a say in it. That is the first thing I put my foot down about. DH and I don't get much time alone together without SD being around, so that little time we do get is precious to me. BM is always trying to interfere with that time by trying to pawn SD off on us. I told DH when she calls and tells him she wants him to get her at an unscheduled time I told him he had to tell her he had to discuss it with me first. That's not too much to ask. Does he do it? Not always. And he catches hell for it from me too.

As far as discipling while she is at our house, I don't really. I do get on her lazy a$$ when she leaves her clothes laying on the bathroom floor, or throws her candy wrappers on the living room floor,(yeah, she does that.) things like that. It is a pretty sensitive thing right now since we have only been married a short time and it's all new to all of us.

Rags's picture

ALL OF THEM!!!! I am the Custodial StepDad for SS-18 and have been since he was 1yo. He lives in MY/Our home, with MY wife and I and OUR resources provide for him.

Doc stuff. I participate in the decision.
School stuff. I participate in the decision.
Discipline. I participate in the decision.
Financial stuff. I participate in the decision.
Visitation stuff. I participate in the decision.
ect, etc, etc ... I participate in the decision.

What happens in SpermLand when SS is on visitation with the SpermClan..... as long as the Skid is safe and his basics are provided for, I don't GAS. As long as the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan follow the CO to the letter and otherwise do what we tell them to do when we tell them to do it I don't care what they do or what SS does when he is with them.

We have had a few instances over the years where we had outside agencies take the kid to the Doc when he was on visitation with the SpermClan. If they don't care for him and get him medical attention when he is on visitation, I will and they won't like the bill because I don't GAS if my decisions bankrupt them or not.

SS knows that he better leave the toxic SpermClan crap in SpermLand before he comes home from visitation or he won't like my decisions.