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If anyone laid a hand on my kid

Anon2009's picture

the blog about the stepmother hitting her SK got me to thinking about this...

I'd be that person's worst enemy and see to it that they were punished in every legal way possible. They could be a stepparent, stranger, teacher, anyone. I'd make sure they went to prison for a LONG time and let their fellow inmates teach them a lesson or two (or a few) on my child's behalf. And I'd see to it that they have to register as a child abuser in some way so that everyone will know that they're an abuser.

There have been many times when I have wanted to slug a person for treating me like $hit. I walked out of the room before I did something I regretted.

My stepmother did all sorts of horrible crap to me. Tried to PAS me against my mom, gossiped about us when she knew I was in earshot, and just generally treated me like $hit. She never hit me because she knew my mom could whoop her a$$ and put it 6 feet under any day (my mom would never do that). What my mom WOULD do/have done was what I said above about putting her in jail, letting her fellow inmates give her some rough justice on my behalf, and registering as a child abuser.


Starla's picture

I replied on the other post that I would make a report and press charges.. Come to think of it, I seen my SS slap my SD in the face and I was down his throat so fast he almost didn't have time to finish his slap! By the time he was done dealing with me, he changed his ways right then and there. I never did call the cops or anything else and it has yet to happen again!

I have the problem of allowing my SD to beat on me and I don't stop it as I should. I fear that I will go Cali on her if I do. When I see her beat on others or animals though, I suddenly have a backbone.

Anon2009's picture

"When I see her beat on others or animals though, I suddenly have a backbone."

Me too. I won't and don't hesitate to stand up to animal abusers.

Elizabeth's picture

I guess I'm of two minds about this. I'll give you my experience.

DH went out of town and left SD (then 10) with me. Not with BM, me. They had 50/50 custody. She is being a total brat and literally getting in my face screaming at me. I warn her once, twice, three times and send her to her room to calm down. When I go to check on her, she gets in my face and starts screaming again. I warn her this time that I will spank her. I'd never done it before, but DH told me I could. AND, BM slapped her across the face and tried to get me to agree when SD was 5 that it was OK for her to do that. I disagreed, and BM never liked me after that.

SD continues screaming in my face, I warn her again, she keeps it up, so I swat her one time on the backside. I'm standing in front of her so I have to reach around, it's not hard and I didn't take her across my knee and belt her or anything like that. Well, SD hauled off and hit me. So I swatted her on the rear again and she got a real talking to about NEVER, EVER hitting me again.

I immediately left the room and called DH to tell him what had happened. Totally admitted I'd swatted SD. Meanwhile SD is calling BM giving her a sob story about how I hit SD and SD didn't do ANYTHING to me. Boy did the sh*t hit the fan! All over two swats on the rear by the "parent" who was being confronted and screamed at.

Would you REALLY want me in jail? Did I REALLY do anything so wrong? SD was literally raging and tearing up her room and the house, throwing a phone at my baby BD's head and TRYING to hurt somebody. I had to be proactive to protect my baby and myself. And I couldn't exactly lock her in her room.

Elizabeth's picture

I'm not sure I even had her mother's phone number. Her mother took it personally when I said that, No, I don't think it's OK to slap a 5-year-old (SD) across the face when she mouths off. She rarely spoke to me again after that. I did call DH before it got to that point and got the standard, "I wish you two would just get along" speech directed at me, followed by him "talking to her," which did NO good at all. And she was actively TRYING to hurt both me and our BD, I needed to get her under control before that happened. She stopped raging after I swatted her, turned to pouting, and called her mother. Her grandmother had told her nobody was EVER allowed to spank her, and she believed that so much I think she thought it was physically impossible. She used to throw that in my face all the time. I never spanked her before or since, I must point that out, and her bad behavior continued to escalate, I think "because" she knew she was immune from spanking.

luchay's picture


So Elizabeth is good enough to babysit but not good enough to parent? Call her mother?

What so she could come over and take charge?

If Elizabeth was not allowed to parent the brat as she saw fit (and lets face it - for ANYONE BIO OR STEP in this situation spanking or slapping across the face is the final step and no-one would WANT to do it) Anyways. If she is not allowed to parent as required then she should never have been left in charge of the kid.

Call her mother, pfffft.

Teenaged girls are not helpless little children. They can be dominating, mean, totally horrible people - and most of them are as big as adult women by 14, so it's not like she is "abusing" some innocent kid. A last straw slap across the face to some bitch who more than likely deserved it and should have had it from her father WAY sooner than this incident.

I wonder, if daddy had stepped up and parented his kid, taught her not to disrespect her SM etc etc etc as we all complain about on an almost daily basis would this have happened? Would this step mum have been so pushed to her limits that she snapped and reacted if the kids father had stepped up in the first place?

It's not so cut and dried - oh she abused an innocent helpless kiddy, lets face it.

And I am going on record right now saying - if either of my younger dd's when they become bratty 14yo's ever pushed their lovely sm to the point of being slapped I would think straight up that the bloody kid probably deserved it.

Anon2009's picture

Elizabeth said her sd was younger than a teen at the time, and Tom ( on another blog) said sm hit sd first.

luchay's picture

Yes, I know, Elizabeth was left in charge of sd(then)10 for a weekend I think she said? Left in charge being the operative words.

Call her mother when the child was misbehaving to the point that the adult LEFT IN CHARGE decided she needed a swat on the butt?

I'm sorry, I politely and respectfully disagree with you.

And I have read both of Tom's posts about the SD/SM fight.

I don't feel that there is really enough information to be slamming the SM, I think he is being very cagey about exactly WHAT his princess did and at 14 she is NOT an innocent child, I stand by that. My sd will be 13 next month. She is bigger and wider than me, and sly, manipulative and a total bitch, but sweet as honey in front of her daddy dearest. So - I guess I CAN put myself in the SM's shoes, I can see where a bitch of a teenaged daughter/step-daughter can push you to losing control and slapping. It's not child abuse. If it was a regular occurrence, that the kid was just standing there all sweet and innocent and SM just came along and bitch slapped her - fair enough - that would be child abuse. But I think we can ALL tell from Tom's 2 blogs on this that SD was starting something. And who knows exactly what SD has been putting SM through for her to reach this point.

Personally I feel empathy for SM in this situation. I am sure she feels God-awful for losing it, but as anyone with a nasty teen sd knows - they sure as heck know how to push our buttons.

I wonder, if the SM had come on here, in tears, totally devastated by what has taken place, by what limits she has been pushed, and told us how her SD has been abusive towards her for god knows how long, how OH doesn't support her against his princess-can-do-no-wrong, and how she finally snapped. How would she be received?

Would you all be screaming child abuse, or would you understand that this was a woman in crisis?

Anon2009's picture

"I don't feel that there is really enough information to be slamming the SM."

And given that he hasn't really given us a whole lot of info, I don't feel that there is really enough information to be slamming the sd.

If the sd really did treat the sm like $hit and the dad didn't make any changes and this went on for YEARS (and that very well could have happened) why not leave a situation like that?

I think this sm just unleashed the Loch Ness Monster in her SDs bm. Regardless of the events that took place before this sm dealt the first hit.

ETA: if this woman came here, I'd ask her if she blames Tom for any of this, for not correcting his daughter and parenting her. And I'd ask why she slapped a child, and why she didn't unleash any of that anger on Tom. I think we've all been pushed to the brink as SPs but hitting a minor (innocent or not) just makes things worse. But how many of us have managed to leave the room and walk away?

If I were this girl's bm I'd be angry with my daughter but would have the local pd so far up SMs butt.

Anon2009's picture

Wow! How sad for her son.

I hope she gets anger management classes and therapy while in prison.

FML's picture

Well. . The obvious solution to this situation is to parent my child so no one else has to. My DD had better never give her SM a reason to spank her. I raised her that way. I discipline my child so others don't have to.

luchay's picture

Thank Christ, a common sense answer!!!!

Thank YOU FML. Yes, if the parent had done his job it would most likely never have come to this.

As I just said earlier, I hope to God I have taught mine better, but if they are ever to a point where their lovely SM is pushed to react that way I would think my kid had crossed so many lines she deserved it.

And 14yo girls? puh-lease!

Lalena75's picture

An open handed swat on the butt is not abuse in my book and far different than the belt or paddle or a punch or a smack on the mouth. I have swatted my own kids and have permission by bm and SO to.swat their kids even my state defines it as ok or the person who is acting as parent or caregiver to give a swat and it is not abuse. You choose not to that's fine it's your kids mine will get spanked when its necessary SO can spank his own they'd have to be hurting my pets or damaging my things on purpose and no one but me around for hours before I'd use a spanking as punishment on them.

simply_monica's picture

Growing up, I was hit from the time I could walk. I was hit with leather belts, wire hangers, brooms, switches, basically anything my mother could get ahold of. I do not hate my mom, I understand she did what she could at the time. I turned out okay, I agree it was excessive, but I am telling you from this experience it has made me a very defensive person. I will not ever tolerate ANYONE raising a hand to me. I almost came to blows with my oldest brother. In my family, the violence never stops. I witnessed my brother crack my other brother's head open.
When you physical discipline children, they grow up thinking it is okay. I excommunicated my family because I want to be far away from the scum. The cycle of violence doesn't stop until the person realizes this isn't the life they want to lead.
I will not and will not tolerate anyone raising a hand towards my stepkids. They can articulate. There is no need to ever hit them, ever. A home is meant to provide safety not to make a kid terrified.

oldone's picture

To me a swat on a diapered butt doesn't hurt - just sort of a "get your attention". But I can see someone not even doing that.

I am not in favor of beating. I was beaten horribly with a belt - had bruise marks from the belt buckles - as a late teen too.

I turned out Okay - but that is not the point.

Not something I would do. But verbal abuse can be worse than a spanking. And that is exactly what I am afraid I would have done with some of the horrible abusive brats that some of you deal with.

I guarantee that I can out "bitch" out "verbally slash" any kid. And that is not necessarily a good thing.