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How many here are SKs?

Anon2009's picture

I know some of us (myself included) are, but was wondering exactly how many of us are.

BQ: What is different about your "step" situations with your own SPs vs. your situations with your SKs?

For me, it is that my parents cared enough to parent me and not let me treat others (SPs included) with disrespect.

Comments

Gabriels Mom's picture

Technically I was a stepkid. But my biodad died when I was 2 years old. I don't remember him at all. My dad adopted me when I was 8. He was an awesome dad. I don't have the best of relationships with my step sisters because I was really close to my dad.(their dad) but they were PAS'd so they couldn't be close to him they believed what their mom told them.

SMIllinois's picture

I was a step- kid. We were a family, but the other biological parents weren't involved.
My situation now deals with 3 kids.
1 the other parent isn't around.
1 the other parent is ok and we never have any arguments.
1 the other parent is... well selfish and insane.
Guess which child we have the most problems with?

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I was about 20 when my dad met my stepmother. I have never disrespected her, nor have I told my dad he should leave her, unlike my DH's adult babies. I have never asked my dad and SM for money, or demanded to move in to their home. My stepmother is very difficult to get along with, because she knows everything, and she will not even respect any one else's thoughts or feelings. She and my dad are so completely opposite, but he chose her, and I respect that.

My bigger issue is my stepsister, who is 35 going on 15. I am very worried for my dad, if something happens to my stepmom, because my stepsister has made it crystal clear she considers their home her home. My dad and stepmom have wills that mandate everything, but I do not trust her and I do not trust my stepmom, who is still partially supporting her daughter (refuses to work, married an addict, and is a former addict herself-many messes over the years). My dad knows exactly how I feel about my stepsister, but I would NEVER tell him what I really feel about my stepmom. She has done and said some things that I think have really cut him to the core, and hurt him forever, but he does not say anything, so I don't, either.

sonja's picture

My parents split when I was 9 (there is me and 1brother). Dad has been with SM since I was in 6th grade, she has her own 2 kids that are very close in age to us. Their dad was never in the picture and would never pay his CS.. so my dad was the first full time dad in their life. I bounced back in forth between my parents home, and my brother switched often too, on what seemed to always be a different schedule.

I think my SM always ruled the roost, and her kids were more important and dad never made us important. To this day, her kids are not self-sufficient, both have 2 kids, but 1 is in jail and the other has finally connected back with their dad so her and her kids would have a place to live cause her kids dad is in jail too.

My mom on the other hand, just married recently, went through lots of boyfriends, some who had kids, some had not. but we were always top priority in her life. SD is a great guy, gives her lots of space when it when I do come around (she lives 1hr away) and will participate in bday parties for my son or gladly go out to eat with us if asked.
His son is a good 10 yrs older than me, and my mom values SDs relationship with his son, just as he is glad that my mom and I talk often as well..

Ive always respected my SD, but I was an adult when he entered the picture. Im sure I treated my SM like shit in the past, just how she openly made comments about 'children ruining their relationship' (both hers and his).. but to this day, her immature children are somehow always 'more important'.. truly I should be mad at dad that he just doesnt care..

The biggest difference is the age when parents split, as well as the 'his' and 'hers' being completely separate.
SD5 was 3mo when BM and DH called it quits, shes always known me and BM'sBF to be in the picture, and BS2 being DHs and Is, while I dont have any myself really adds to the mess.

Lalena75's picture

SK for 30 years. SM was psycho. My family was the first in the county to have shared (joint) parenting as they felt it was best because of my dads job and my mom wanted us to be able to spend equal time. It was horrible worst thing ever due to my SM. I was asked to call her mom on her wedding day, to which I loudly and clearly for all to hear (I was Dirol "I have a mother, she is not my mother" to which I heard from SM's sister "you're going to have to beat her mother out of her, or send her to her mom before this gets worse" yeah that started out great. She frequently smacked me, broke my toys in front of me, hit me with the flyswatter, paddle, wooden spoon, wiffleball bat. She of course never used her hand and only hit me when I'd walk by never would get up from the couch to do it. My dad never stopped her and he spanked often, back handed, and used the belt. Regularly if my mom was on the phone for whatever reason she'd be on the other end screaming at my mom, name calling etc all us kids heard it. SM could not have kids due to a horrible miscarriage as a teen.
We kids all started moving to our mom's as teens. At 19 I moved out of both and never went home again. The day I had dd and was in labor pushing SM and my dad came demanding they be in the room (my mom an now exh were with me) I refused in between pushes, they left and my dd was 2 weeks old before they'd see her because I "didn't want them around anymore" Another issue with both my own kids and I laid it all out my kids were a package deal which included me and respect, if she was to be their grandma she needed to get over herself.
It's always been tense because I won't see her as mom, because I have 1 who has always been there, took care of us kids over half the time, helped raise us and treats us like kids are supposed to be. She never badmouthed dad and SM, she never took sides, and she respects them about as much as we adult kids do.
Now that I'm with a man who has kids SM seems nicer. SO has his kids for longer stretches than we were with our parents. BM is lazy, stupid, uneducated,selfish and more like my SM than a mom. I try to handle BM and the kids like my mom would of, and have kept my distance of involvement with SO's kids as more of an aunt role than a parent cause I'm not.

Anywho78's picture

My parents split for the last time when I was 10 (after MANY break-ups & reunions). There are 6 of us kids (yes, SIX) & we didn’t hear from my dad for 9 years. He is an alcoholic who has been sober for over 20 years.

My mom married a saint of a man when I was 11. He was a widower with 2 sons. They were married until I was 17. She says that they divorced because even though they worked together to parent the 8 of us, the kids (boys, 5 of them in total) mutinied & their marriage fell apart because of all of the conflict that the boys caused.
We still talk to my SD on occasion but he has pulled away from us emotionally. One of his sons is still our “brother” while the other is well…too good for ANY of us (his own dad included).

My mom is now married (for 5 years now) to a childless man who is 3 years older than I am (a few days shy of 35). She is happy & living her life the way that she wants to. All 6 of us like him just fine. He isn’t a “step-dad” he’s just…him. I do however enjoy putting on a whiney voice to say “DADDDDDYYYY” when I am pretending to manipulate him…he is shy & blushes…A LOT.

My dad married a woman before we got back in touch. She was evil incarnate. She bad mouthed my mother constantly & then she blocked our phones (all siblings but 2) from calling their land line (this was before cell phones). My dad took her side about EVERYTHING & he fell apart when she left him for one of the MANY men she cheated on him with. I think they were married for 4 years. I am close with my step-sister from this marriage…she has nothing to do with her own BM (my XSM) who step-sis insists is bat crap crazy.

He’s now been dating a woman for 10 years now. Until last summer, I had never spent any real time with her (had met her 3 times)…after this summer however, both my sister & I have chosen not to deal with the man we call father because of his GF (or his QUEEN as he refers to her) who enjoyed making horrible comments (what happened? You used to be skinny!!) to us & expecting zero response. I tried…because I know what it’s like to be a SM but yeah…his “queen” can kiss my butt. I am having zero to do with him if she is within a 10 mile radius. It’s due to her own behavior that I want no part of her (or my dad, when he’s with her).

I myself am engaged to a man with 5 children. He has custody of his youngest 2. The eldest (from first HS BM) is in college. The next 2 (teenage SDs) are PAS’d out. We haven’t seen them for over a year (or dang close to it). The resident Skids (Nasty) is a POS who is the one I normally blog about.

Fun, Fun!

Convulsive's picture

My parents didn't divorce until I was 30. My Mom is useless & always has been, she married a man my age & he too is utterly worthless. My sister & I cannot stand our Mother or her husband & feel a great deal of sympathy for her stepchildren-teenagers who lack the ability to cut these 2 losers out of their lives, we also feel badly for their BM, forced to endure our Mother & her attempts to control everyone.

I love my Father, he is dating a woman who is the Mother of kids I attended HS with, they were druggies & losers but according to all accounts, are now productive, normal men with families. My Dad has not married this woman or had her move in with him, he has her at his beck & call & IMO & my sister's opinion, he treats her in a disrespectful manner. He had a girlfriend after our Mother, before the current one & she couldn't deal with our Mother & our Father's unwillingness to stand up to her so she left. Dad loves & respects GF1 but uses GF2 as a "place holder". I originally did not respect GF2 due to her kid's actions & her house being "the pot house" in HS, now I do not respect her because she allows our Father to disrespect her. My sister & I are in communication with GF2 but not our Father. He is furious with us for telling him he owes GF2 the financial security & love that comes with marriage, that she is better then a booty call & he told us we were disrespecting him.

Not a traditional SK problem but we are financially secure, grown women & know how wealthy our Father is, if all he wants is a whore at his ready, he can buy that, he is screwing with a mid-60's woman's financial security & possibility of ever finding the love she deserves.

babyboymakes3's picture

My mother and father divorced when I was 2yrs. My father re-married when I was 4yrs and moved out of state with SM. Had two children with SM and created a new family. Made 4-5 attempts to involve me and OS with his new family during summers and then gave up. I think it makes me a more committed mother to my SDs and allows me to value the relationship that they have with their father. I would have never allowed DH to distance himself from his children in that way. 

Cbarton12's picture

I was sort of an adult SKid. My parents divorced when I was 21. My dad was with a lovely woman. I guess in a way she was my SM. She passed away and I carry a lot of guilt for like not ever telling her how much it meant to me that she was kind to me and loved my dad.