CP Parents moving

I know the subject of parents moving came up recently. It's great that it came up because it's a subject many of us have dealt with on this board in one degree or another.

What do you think about CPs moving? Do you think it should be...I don't know if "harder" is the right word, but different for the CPs to move? Do you think there should be different rules for a CP moving as opposed to a NCP moving? It just seems like some are ok with NCP moving but feel differently about the CP moving.

I just think that in this economy, if I were to lose my job and find a better one elsewhere, I'd have no other choice but to move. I would talk with my ex first if I had kids, and try to work out an agreement with him that is best for the kids.

I think both CP and NCP should have a good reason to move. Too many CPs and NCPs just move away without any thought to anyone else.

Anon2009's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

In my midwestern state, it's

In my midwestern state, it's common to include language in the divorce decree that the CP must be granted consent from the NCP to move away if that move substantially deprives the NCP from exercising his/her CO parenting time. I'm living that life now and it's frustrating since I'd like to move a significant distance away. I have neither the money nor the desire to drag my exH back to court so I can relocate.

As an aside, my exH (NCP) announced to me a few months ago that he was applying for jobs in his hometown and planned to move within the next 6 months (150 miles away). As a NCP, he didn't need my consent as he is the one depriving himself of the CO parenting time, not me. Crossing my fingers all goes well for him because I've wanted to move for more than a year now and I think this is my golden ticket to do it without a court battle.

ETA: I do believe it's prudent to insist CP and NCP's work together if a significant move is being contemplated. Although it can be abused by one or the other to make the life of the ex horrible, including divorce decree language that puts the child's best interest first (which includes visitation time with both birth parents), is probably a good thing. I have hated feeling "controlled" by my exH because basically, since our divorce, HE has most of the power to decide if I could move or not. But it has been good for our daughter, whose stability and routines have been preserved. Of course jobs, financial security, familial support, etc. needs to be considered too.

@Mairin - sounds like your

@Mairin - sounds like your brother had it rough and I feel bad for him for missing so much. How come his wife never moved with him during the better part of those years? Was he deployed to areas that were not good?

My SO served for 30 years and retired recently. I just asked him how many times, in his career, did his family not move with him. He told me that during a 20 year period (while he was married), his wife and kids did not move with him during 1 short tour (2 years) and that was because his ex refused to move. I told him the story about your brother and I said to SO he was very lucky because there are people like your brother who were not a fortunate.

"NCP can do, say, work, and

"NCP can do, say, work, and move where ever they want but for some reason the CP is bound to NCP rules regarding location. I think that is completely asinine."

I do too. Thank you for saying what I felt too uncomfortable to say!

I don't like it either. And I

I don't like it either. And I have always had the right to take the exH back to court to argue/prove my reasons for moving DD away from him (i.e. career, financial, etc.) I'd probably win if my case was strong enough. But in my case, in all honesty, I simply have wanted to move away so that I can be closer to my adult DD25 and DS25 (both of whom DD11 adores). But "my need" to have all my kids in close proximity doesn't trump my exH's "need" to be an active and present part of his DD11's day-to-day life. I think the decree standards here were written with that in mind - CPs who wanted something contrary to a NCPs desire to be involved in their children's lives.

I disagree, but only because

I disagree, but only because I was a child of this type of situation - I still to this day believe that my mother was absolutely wrong to take us away from where our father lived. So from a child's perspective, it is a big mistake.

The only instance I knew of

The only instance I knew of an intact family where the parents didnt live together resulted in bigamy. Of course, the other family (in Europe) wasnt discovered for 25 years.

I have a few questions: 1.

I have a few questions:

1. To those who agree that the CP should be able to move without the ex or courts permission - are you CPs?

2. For those of you who are CPs, would you feel differently if you were the NCP?

3. As a NCP would you "suck it up" and accept that you will only see your child every couple of months?

4. Would you be ok with having a long distance relationship with your child(ren)?

I will give a broad answer to

I will give a broad answer to cover all your questions.

I think people have to do what they need to do in order to support their kids. If the cp loses their job and finds a better one elsewhere, they should be able to move. Same goes for the ncp. I don't think either cp or ncp should be free to just move. I do think they should be able to move if they have a good reason, ie. losing their job and finding a better one elsewhere. I'm not a parent. I'm a sm. But I know myself and know I'd have to move if I lost my job and found a better one in, say, Texas. If I was ncp I'd miss my kids terribly, but I'd have to work to pay cs so they can eat and have clothes., and other necessities.

I'd feel this way regardless of whether I was cp or ncp.

I just don't think an ncp should be able to move but tell the cp they have to stay put.

I also agree with this.

I also agree with this. Although if they were out of state to begin with that requires flying to exercise visitation, an extra hour, and hour less, or flying in the opposite direction makes no difference except mentally, since they'd have to get on a plane no matter what so in those cases I'd say go ahead without consent, but the parent who incurs the extra cost of the child'd travel by moving has to pay for it.

@Anon - thanks for your

@Anon - thanks for your reply. My questions were purely out of curiosity. I was a CP, but my kids are grown now, so I don't have the issues most of the people on this site deal with. I feel exactly like you do. I was lucky that I didn't have to deal with either myself or my ex having to move away.

This is a good question

This is a good question because I'd like to see what people who judge NCPs about moving for better jobs will have to say about this. The end result is the same, the NCP is farther from the kids. Would they say that the NCP needs to follow the kids then?

In any case, I think long distance relationships can and do work. My sister and I were that way with our parents (which is common for people of east asian ethnicity) where our grandparents raised us while our parents were off to work, and we only really saw them on the weekends. Most, if not all my Chinese friends were also raised this way. We're no worse for wear.

I think if you can encourage a good relationship between your children and their NCP parent, there's really no issue about who moves or who doesn't move for whatever reason.

BM moved when she was 6 months pregnant, half the US away without regard to DH. In hindsight, good riddance even though originally we wanted to make her stay but that would probably have been a waste of money because paternity was not established (she was still with her exSO at the time.) Because of this, I can't really say what it would be like if she stayed and then moved. A large part of it was because her mother lived out of state and GBM, bless that woman, knows how crazy her daughter is so she made her stay with her and put her in therapy (yes, BM, a woman over 40, was put in therapy by her mother). Don't know how she managed to convince BM but she did it.

Comments

In my midwestern state, it's

@Mairin - sounds like your

"NCP can do, say, work, and

I don't like it either. And I

I disagree, but only because

The only instance I knew of

I have a few questions: 1.

I will give a broad answer to

I also agree with this.

@Anon - thanks for your

This is a good question

Unfortunately there are those

Right. Let's see how many

I stayed in this god forsaken

I guess it depends on why she

Not sure...but he knew at 8

You are here

CP Parents moving

Comments