I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to let kids have some (reasonable) autonomy over their appearance.  That does mean that whatever they want must pass both School/work requirements and also be a style that is hygenic and that the child maintains their "look" properly.  Facial hair seems to be more "in" now than it used to be.. if the boy is keeping himself clean and it doesn't fly afoul of his school or job rules.. then I would probably be more in the "bigger fish to fry" category with this.

Fortunately, both my SD's never wanted to do anything really crazy.. except they wanted tattoos.. and they had to wait until they were over 18 for that.

I could choose my haircut, within reason, starting in/around kindergarten. Basically, once I had an opinion, my mother CONSIDERED it. I wasn't allowed to permanently color my hair until I was 16, and my mom took me to a stylist where she, again, CONSIDERED what I wanted. We met in the middle since she was paying for it as a birthday present.

I didn't have total control until I had a job outside the house and used my own money. Same with my clothes, tattoos, non-earlobe piercings, etc. But my parents also required that I have a job if I wanted my car and spending money, so I couldn't go too crazy because my employer wouldn't have allowed it.

Ultimately, I liked how she did it (and I say she becaude my dad and SF stayed out of girly matters). She gave me enough freedom to try things while I was young so I didn't go crazy at 17/18. I knew what types of haircuts looked good because she and her stylist guided me as I grew up. It was a very balanced approach.

With the boys, DH lets them choose their haircut so long as it is kept nice. If they want long hair, he is fine with that so long as they maintain it. Neither want long hair, so he just makes sure they get regular hair cuts, discusses the need for shampoo AND conditioner, etc.

As far as facial hair is concerned, DH requires both to shave since neither can grow a beard (at least he requires it when they are with us). OSS has fine, blond hair on his head and face, so his beard is still very peach fuzzy at 16. YSS, on the other hand, keeps growing a dark mustache at 12, and DH just thinks that's way too young to have a mustache. I don't think DH will ever have an age requirement so much as a "does it look clean?" requirement. Once they're 18, though, DH knows he loses all influence.

"My sisters and I didn't start growing moustaches and beards until we hit middle age..." -- Girl.. the chin hairs after 35.. WTH!! *lol*

I am a "within moderation" mom. If the boys want some hair in thier eyes Justin Beiber look- I over rule it. They need to look clean and well kept. SS18's facial hair is a source of contention for me. I have to take him in to have it shaved because of his sensory issues and I am not shaving his face for him. 

I don't care about temporary color. I give my daughter peekaboo highlights all the time. You can only see it if her hair is braided or up. I let the boys use the gel that give color. 

But for most things, Kids don't get to have decision making authority in our home. 

I was always allowed to choose hairstyle within reason. DS is allowed to choose within reason. He has bushy sideburns and no beard or mustache. He can do with it what he likes but I won't go out with him looking like a 70's reject. If he wants to go with me, he shaves.

The dreaded "hair" arguement.  SS20 had the Bieber hair thru highschool.  He kept flipping his head and it drove DH nuts.  Everyday he said something and everyday they would go back and forth.  It finally came down to when he was with us he always wore a hat.

Senior year he finally cut his hair short and he maintains it.  He has great hair and always looks clean and presentable even after a full day of work or football.

SS16 has DH hair.  Thick and curly.  DH keeps his super close to his head but SS16 has decided he wanted to grow his out.  DH does not have a problem until he goes too long without washing it and the knot that winds up in the back of his head after 8 hours laying down playing Xbox.  He also had nice hair and it does look good and does not grow into his eyes.  

Neither can grow facial hair.  Just part of their genetics.

40 is when I started with chin hairs.

I'm cool with the skids having some freedom over their appearance, once they leave the house it's COMPLETELY their choice obviously.

Both of them wanted shoulder length hair? Cool, let's cut it off. 

As long as it's nothing crazy, or too high maintenance I'll support it. I'm not going to pay for them to dye their hair every other week. But if they want shorter hair then I'm not going to say no.

Tattoos though I think they wait until they leave the house (and are hopefully mature enough not to do something too stupid. lol) and we'll let them have their ears pierced, but only one hole in each ear. As for clothing, we're semi-lax, but we do expect things to be covered. They can pick their clothes, but things too short/tight/etc. are a no-go in our home.

SO makes his sons get their hair cut if BM doesn't take care of it. They sometimes come pretty long and shaggy and it's in their eyes. But I'm not sure how long this will last. My SO is pretty long and shaggy with a beard himself. When I told my ex I was dating someone I said "If you see us around, I know he's scruffy, but he is a ____ (very respectable and professional job where he can get away with that look)." But we're still a couple of years away from the major drama on this. 

My ex almost alway sorts out my son's hair. It was the only child rearing decision we made before he was born that my ex has actually kept to. 

No hair issues with SDs here.  I wish SD12 would want to trim hers a bit, it needs it, but as long as it's clean, I'm good with it.  No one likes color either.

Now, don't get me started on nail care.  Neither SD has ever taken care of their nails. I tried to teach them but got blank looks every time so I stopped.  They are often too long, yes, on feet too, and dirty and different lengths.  I say nothing unless socks start getting destroyed or someone is cooking with me.  Both SDs received manicure kits from me as gifts - no idea what happened to them.

As you know, Thing2 has long strawberry blond wavy hair.  The last time it was short was when he was a senior in high school.  When he was a kid, I had other issues with him, and hair wasn't a hill that I wanted to die on.

Now his hair is long, and I mean looooooooooooong, like down to his waist long.  He keeps it clean, and in a ponytail (never a man bun, thank DOG) but it drives me NUTS.  He has some facial hair, but he keeps that pretty short.

He has told my mom that he is going to cut his hair because living in Kyoto means humidity and tropical weather and that means frizz.  Lots and lots of frizz.  I don't believe it, but I hope he is serious.  I also hope that he gets it cut by the time I get there next month

But if they ask, I consider it. I've let SS bleach his hair blonde when he was 10 years old, but I didn't let DD do any type of dye until she was 16. Boy hair can be cut off and start over if they don't like it in a week. Girls don't typically have that luxery. 

But demanding ANYTHING, no way. not in my house. They can ASK and we will THINK about it. 

Being hygenic and have a respectable appearance is a must as well. If we are going to try to raise little adults that can function in the real world, they need to learn respect on ALL levels. 

The school is ok, it clean, groomed.  And getting good grades in school , not always in trouble,  it’s a give in give and take.  Hair coloring can get expensive if done perfessional.  If they work than 10%. 15% of there money can go to hair coloroing.  If it DYI  I saw some bad mistakes in my life.  I remember coloring some girls hair, not knowing what I was doing.  Box said it wasn’t hard.  Memory’s 

It was always conditional with me. I too come from a military family. My oldest who is now 21 wanted to experiment with his hair get ears pierced and I made specific conditions with it. 1. Must be clean at all times. 2 Grades must be at great levels 3. Any type of ill behavioral changes would not be allowed. 4. Had to be acceptable with school. He did great with it. I would literally show him sissors if he even looked like he was going to say something. I actually worry about my SS11 because he is not clean and has 2 other brother's by his BM that are older and are not clean and he takes after them. I would have to be strict and say absolutely not. 

Hygiene is non-negotiable, but a kid as young as 3 is old enough to pick their own hairstyle.  The only caveat being that the cooperate with the required care of said hair.  

I never really understood the concept of kids "demanding" things until I entered step-hell.  When I would hear "my kid refuses to wear anything but designer clothing or won't accept any phone other than a blah-blah" I would think "What are they going to do?  Go to school naked??  And just don't get them a phone then!"  Then I met the guilty parenting up close and personal and it is pathetic.  They call the shots and the parent actually believes that is "good parenting" because the child is "happy."  That they are also spoiled brats is irrelevant apparently.  When my H forked over $200 to get his daughter's blonde hair colored dark brown and then another $300 to get it "fixed" a week later because she decided she wanted to be blonde again, I knew the whole thing was a lost cause.  And yes, her hair was a fried mess after all that processing.  I don't want to think about the amount of expensive conditioners she used in a vain attempt to correct it.

In my country it is short back and sides as well as clean shaven until you leave high school at age 18. I agree with this. There is also no hair dye/ highlights for girls. Your hair is tied up and you will look neat. I agree with this stance.

My boys have been making their own hair choices for about 3 years. OBS is almost 16 and has long curls that hit below his shoulderblades. YBS has a lion's mane. They can keep the hair as long as they keep it clean. 

OBS is taking welding as an elective. I told him that he either needed to cut it or learn how to pull it back. He does a decent job with ponytails. He does have some facial hair but keeps his face clean and is paranoid about food in his "beard." He does dress well, a lot of black, but polos with the occasional funny tee shirt.

YBS has lighter hair and no signs of facial hair. He wears his hair longer to hide his surgical scars and the fact that one ear canal is visibly larger. He showers at night and slicks his hair back so it is not in his face once it dries.

Neither of them have to be prompted to shower or change clothes, so there's never a smell problem. They do forget to tell me when they run out of deodorant, but I keep spares and both have their own colognes.

SD was the smelly kid unfortunately. I don't know if it was related to her mental issues or what it was. She had tons of Bath and Body Works sets. She had terrible acne due to hygiene issues that we ended up taking her to a derm for. She had long hair that was baby fine and greasy. She got it cut into a pixie in the 8th grade and dyed fuschia. She was called a derogotary name and immediately reverted back to being dirty and smelly.

I honestly think that my boys are good about being clean because they watched and smelled their stepsister.