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OT - teenagers and dating

Aniki's picture

Well, sort of off topic.

When I was growing up, the rule was you were not allowed to date until you were 16. Not 14. Not 15. Not 15.75. Not 2 days before your 16th birthday. SIXTEEN. Period. Dot. NO exceptions. Sure, we could (and did) have boyfriends/girlfriends in school. We ate lunch together, walked home together (if we lived close), talked on the phone (no longer than 30 minutes - landline!!). But we did not go OUT on dates until we were 16.

In the 'Ho house, you can date/fornicate at 14. BioHo is A-Okay with that. In fact, she's more than willing to play chauffeur (and make totally inappropriate, double-entendre comments while doing so) or just let her children spend time alone in their bedrooms (doors CLOSED) with their bf/gf.

PigPen is 15. His girlfriend is 15. And this is the part that kills me... HER parents don't like her dating. WTF?? So.... don't let your daughter date!!!

Since when does a CHILD (15, lives at homes, should have rules/chores/etc) dictate to the parent WHEN he/she/it can date or do other things?? Had I, at 15 (or any other under-18-living-at-home-age) TOLD my parents that *I* was flouting their rules and doing what *I* wanted, I would have been grounded until I moved out!!

I'm not entirely sure that it's the girl's parents objecting to her dating (while doing NOTHING about it) or objecting - in a roundabout way - to her dating PigPen (again, while doing nothing about it). Either way, they can put the kibosh on it.

WTF do parents refuse to parent these days?? :?


witch.hazel's picture

OMG, your post reminds me of the old days...when I was 16 my parents were often not home, so when my boyfriend came over, we were to stay OUTSIDE at all times. His mother would drive by and make sure we were out there Biggrin !

Don't know why anyone would promote teenage sex like that. The only guess is she feels some control if it's under her roof, or wants to be the "cool mom"....get ready to be the cool grandma!

Aniki's picture

Witch.hazel, when we were growing up, there was a limited list of those allowed at our home when our parents were out. Our best friends were allowed. No one else. Certainly not a bf or gf! We were allowed to be in our rooms, but doors remained open.

And you nailed it: BioHo wants to be the 'cool' mom. That's why she allowed SDthen14 to lose her virginity under her roof with a 24yo man. :sick: :sick: :sick:

futurobrillante99's picture

My husband wants to be the cool dad. But mean old step mom is a party pooper. Silly me had a problem with the booze and the pot and the girls being snuck in overnight. I'm such a prude. I mean, it's NO BIG DEAL. He did it when he was younger!!

Whatever. I wasn't allowed to date until 16 and I would NEVER.....EVER.....dream of sneaking anyone into my parent's house. They would have killed me or grounded me for eternity. Sneaking out was a scary enough proposition. All my shenanigans occurred elsewhere and I expect the same from my children and my stepchildren: once you are an adult, do what you like but it better stay OUTSIDE of my home. If you're a kid, your shenanigans in or out of the home had better not impact the peace and tranquility of my home.

classyNJ's picture

My mom let me "date" when I was 15. As far as she knew it was only in school and occasionally I would go to his house for dinner.

What she didn't know until the end was that he lived in the same neighborhood as my friends and his mother had no problem letting us spend time alone in his room with door closed. Thats where I lost my virginity. With a condom borrowed from his step dad

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I have my Skids under pinky promise not to date until they're 40. I don't get it either, if you set a rule THEN STICK TO IT.

Our house rules growing up, (also my personal standards, lol) Don't date until you're 16, You can't have a bf/gf until you're 18 and graduated (if DH had followed such a rule then BM wouldn't have had an anchor child and half the issues wouldn't be issues... lol). Sexual anything was out of the question, you don't lay with someone of the opposite gender, cuddle, etc. while in high school or under 18. You get a bf/gf after then you can cuddle, but don't touch inappropriately. Personally I waited for intercourse encounters until I was married. A standard I hit DH with before we were even dating (he was sweet, all "we can have a sexless marriage when we obviously end up married" lol) For me I was super careful, I don't judge people that don't wait (most of my friends did not) I just personally was both raised that way and to me I wanted to be sure I didn't do anything that serious with the "wrong person." I def don't regret it, I don't necessarily think it's for everyone, but there you have it. lol.

I literally am terrified one of the Skids will follow in BM's footsteps and get pregnant in high school.. Doesn't help MIL is all "well we have lots of back-roads they'll do it on." And I'm just sitting here like "WILL NOT! THEY PROMISED THEY WON'T EVEN DATE UNTIL 40." I figure I can't actually stop them, but I can talk to them about things when they hit the age and hope that I've had a decent enough influence on them that they'll make good decisions... We haven't talked about a dating age... I'm pushing higher, because whatever they're raised with is what any kid DH and I end up having together will be raised with (I don't believe in double standards for different kids). But we shall see... I know DH has told me he regrets moving too fast in high school because it changed the whole set of his life, so hopefully that'll help.

Aniki's picture

ProbablyAlready, I waited until I was 18. I'd been with my bf for 3 years and we were both virgins. While it was unusual back in my day, there were still some teen pregnancies and there was NO way in Hades I was going to be one of them!! I think we were both more concerned about the condom NOT breaking than actually enjoying what we were doing!! LOL

BioHo had SD24 (DH's step) when she was 16. And it was definitely a planned pregnancy. On 'HO's part. SD24 had her first kid at 17 and she planned it. She wanted out of the crazy 'Ho House! SD21, by all miracles, has not yet had any kids. Certainly not from lack of 'practice' on her part. Frankly, I'm surprised that she hasn't gone off birth control to try and trap one of the many, MANY guys she's boinked... After all, she's been seriously IN LUUUURRRRRVVVV at least 5 times in the last 2 years!!

I expect PigPen15 to knock up his gf (or some other girl) any day now.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

BM got preggo in high school on purpose (also is currently pregnant with a suspected anchor child with druggie bf)... Anchor child... Wanted the dependent military benefits. It takes two to tango... But when you purposefully get pregnant, that's shady... Guess I'll just have to homeschool the skids, plant cacti out the windows and put bars on them so they can't have contact with the outside world.. lol I laugh because it's tempting... But I also know impossible.

If only DH had listened to literally everyone when they were calling the b**** insane... lol...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I know! And I mostly joke when I say that. If I can’t laugh at it then I’ll just be frustrated he was thinking with the wrong head. lol

nengooseus's picture

Permissive parenting is a thing, and it's a problem!

BM sent SD out on her "first date" in 5th grade. She went to a boy acquaintance's school dance, where they were left unaccompanied (in a place SD didn't know, with people she didn't know and no phone). It was awkward for her, but she didn't have the courage to say anything to her mother about how awkward it was. The little boy and she texted for a week after, telling eachother that they loved eachother. Then she didn't hear from him anymore. When we found out about it, DH was p*ssed, and we spent some serious time talking about consent and what to do if you're not comfortable, since SD is one who will just go along with someone else.

DD's best friends are boys, so it's a little challenging for us to have dating rules right now. She's not there and neither are they. But we still have rules. They can't be in a closed room, for one. All communication is monitored.

But DD is custodial, we're NCP for skids. DH and I are both terrified that SD(now 13) will turn up pregnant. Sad We're working to help her think critically at this point. To think things through and make good decisions. That's her best hope!

Aniki's picture

BioHo is CP and DH is NCP. DH would NEVER have allowed that BS with SDthen14. A 14yo girl with a 24yo MAN??? That so-called man is a perv. 'Ho is a nukkin fightmare POS who should never have had kids. DH didn't learn about it until well after the fact.

Tiger7's picture're right about this: "WTF do parents refuse to parent these days??" I don't know why people let their teens dictate to them and run the house. I HATE when people think its cute to say two young kids are a cute couple. Like, a co-workers daughter and her friends son were the same age and in kindergarten and they thought it was so cute to call them a couple and talk about them getting married someday. It's so stupid.
BM always wanted to be her SD17's friend but then would lose her mind when SD acted up - that's why this kid is in a world of hurt now.

Aniki's picture

Tiger, BioHo has raised her daughters to believe that they MUST have a man to be complete. Lord knows that SD24 and SD21 have bought into that BS. If Spawn10 does not, it will be a bloody miracle.

SD24 (DH's step) had her first kid at 17. And while she and the baby daddy were on and off for 5 years following that, they have now been living together for 2 years. In fact, shortly after she got pregnant with kid #2. ~eye roll~

I cannot even tell you how many "men" SD21 has gone through. A guy asks her out and she's halfway in love. By the end of the first date, she's fully in love and already envisioning/planning their life/house/children and posting it aaaaaaaall over the place. I cannot count the number of wedding dresses/ring sets she's picked out in the last 3 years. Re-fukkin-diculous and absolutely pathetic.

I'm almost 53 years old. And while I was definitely raised in an era where women were strongly encouraged to look at men as a necessity and that they were second in comparison to men, my parents did not raise us that way. From the get-go, we 3 daughters were encouraged to be strong and independent and that we could do ANYTHING - even if it was something girls did NOT do.

Acratopotes's picture

I am still not allowed to date and I'm over 40 hahahahahaha

Oh Deigma started dating when he was a mere 7.... it was his GF and they talked about getting married, (neighbors daughter) They came to us one day to tell us they are getting married.... WE sat there and said, good, but where will you stay, who's going to work cause you will need money... after the parents had a nice talk with them they decided marriage is not for them, they will just date... this consisted of playing Friday Afternoons together, in either yard, not even in the house, oh and they wrote each other love letters Blum 3 Blum 3 which I saved of course...
eventually we moved away and well Deigma was heart broken, for about a week, then he got a new GF in current town... after a week that was over,

High school came about and he got his first real GF, round about 17.... she cheated on him with his friend, then the next GF was when he turned 20..
she left him cause he does not have bags full of money and a car...... now at almost 22, he simply says there's no way in hell he will date a girl from this town, they all just want money and flashy cars, they all drink way more then young guys, swear like sailors and have no self respect...

Funny he contacted his original GF from when he was 7...and they are chatting up a storm.... these 2 might just get married one day

Me - I dated Deigma's dad since we where 5.. first friends, only really started dating age 17 when we discovered friends may kid and make out }:)