When your kid is failing classes...
...what do you do? Had I been failing a class, my parents would have:
- eliminated ALL of my extracurricular activities
- gotten me a tutor, if it was something in which they were not skilled
- made sure I did my homework
PigPen is failing classes. What does BioHo do?
- allows him to go on dates
- allows him to hang out with his friends
- does not make him sit down and do homework
- beeyotches at PP that he will be a high school senior at 20
- beeyotches to my DH that PP will be a high school senior at 20
What kind of parenting is this?!
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It's not... I mean, I
It's not... I mean, I understand not completely torpedoing a kid's social life but I would definitely have had both some help and some limitations so that I could focus on my schoolwork.
PP sees his gf EVERY DAY
PP sees his gf EVERY DAY after school. 'Ho could certainly have him cut back on that. 'Ho has allowed the skids to go on actual dates since they were 12.
SD24 lost her virginity at 13. SD21 lost her virginity at 14. I'm willing to bet money I don't have that PigPen and his gf are "doing it" - probably under 'Ho's roof with 'Ho's approval.
After the gf leaves, PP leaves the house to go hang out with his friends OR he plays video games.
There is no "PP, go into the dining room (or wherever) and study/do your homework."
There is no "PP, do you have/have you done your homework?"
There is only 'Ho beeyotching about PP failing classes.
A few weeks ago, PP was telling DH that he wants to drop out of HS when he turns 16. DH has been doing his best to talk PP out of that. We have known for well over a year that it would be a challenge to keep PP in school to graduate. DH WAS going to try the incentive of offering his old truck as a graduation gift (PP likes to work on vehicles). That idea was shot when 'Ho allowed PP to buy a car last year. At age 14. Two weeks ago, she let him buy a motorcycle. WTH.
Aniki, I think a normal
Aniki, I think a normal parent would do what you suggest, that is what I would do with my son. However, when SD isn't doing well in class GUBM usually just blames the teacher. Seems reasonable, lol!
BioHo doesn't blame the
BioHo doesn't blame the teacher. But she does NOTHING to remedy the situation.
Maybe 'Ho is HOPING that PP will fail and stay at home with her forever.
I'm surprised, seems like
I'm surprised, seems like blaming the teacher would be a good out for BioHo!
Ugh, you are probably right, but hey at least he would be staying with 'Ho forever and not you! ;) Silver lining!
It's lazy parenting!
It's lazy parenting!
We have taken everything except food and bathroom from SS15 when he is failing and sat with him doing homework and had his teacher sent home progress reports like he was 5. He is doing much better.
Classy, THAT is what I'm
Classy, THAT is what I'm talking about!!!
SD9 IS failing a class! She
SD9 IS failing a class! She now gets to read daily and practice math... AND we're doing summer homework and reading pass offs! Plus her precious night time TV time is effectively dead until her grades raise.
However I partially blame the teacher... I don't think SD9 ispaying attention, BUT we've tried to contact the teached over a dozen times to get info so WE can help her at home and the teacher refuses to respond... So it's hard to help her play catch up from her laziness and get her where she needs to be when the teacher neither sends homework or responds when we need to know what's going on...
My mom is a teacher and I was a TA for a while. I totally understand they have a hard job, which is why I'm willing to do all the work to get her caught up. But it's hard for me to do that when she won't respond to ANYTHING. My mom sent me a list of things to help her with in the meantime, but without really knowing what's going on in class, it's been rough.
PA, in THIS case it
PA, in THIS case it definitely sounds like the teacher is at fault (at least partially).
And while I understand that classes are bigger and teachers have less time with each student, she could at least take a few minutes to email you about what she believes is the problem. Jeez, you're trying to help at HOME and NOT blame the teacher. That's darn near a miracle these days!
My time as a TA taught me
My time as a TA taught me some valuable things... I NEVER want to be a teacher (they tried offering me a full time teaching job) AND that being a teacher is hard work. (The teacher was never there... So I WAS the teacher... lol)
I'd just like to be able to help her catch up... It's just hard when i have no clue what's even going on. She's no help either as I'm pretty sure she's not paying attention because she's too busy drawing in this binder she made at school...
I can agree in a scenario
I can agree in a scenario like this that the teacher is partially to blame. I have experience with a bad teacher as well but I didn't give my son a free pass in that case either. I just gave up on working with the teacher and did what I could at home! Unfortunately there are some bad teachers out there. Luckily there are some very awesome teachers out there as well that are more than willing to work with the parent/child.
Good luck getting your SD back on track! I think another factor you are dealing with is the absence of their BM and her choosing drugs over the girls. That was an issue with my son at that age as well and it is a hard experience especially when I was trying so hard to work with the teacher and she was making the situation more difficult.
Oh BM ditching definitely
Oh BM ditching definitely hasn't been easy on them. Even though their adjusting I know it hurts, And I really feel for them. SD9 is pretty well in acceptence, she doesn't super care for BM since I think she's realizing the truth... In the last two years she went form BM's biggest cheerleader and wanting her love more than anything to telling DH she's happier here and never wants to go back. The poor thing is going through a roller coaster. So i'm sure that's contributing in some form to what's going on.
Regardless she still needs to pass! Life is a hard thing, but it goes on and she still has to be a productive member of society going foreward! I'm not giving her a free pass either! She'll work on what I can give her until I figure out what the heck is going on.
Oh, I agree completely, she
Oh, I agree completely, she def still needs to pass and be held accountable. I didn't let my son off the hook when he was acting out/failing math (the subject that he is now in a gifted class for). I knew he could do better and told him whether or not he liked the teacher he had to be respectful and get his grades in check. I also took him to counseling during this time and the counselor diagonsed him with trauma from whatever he went through with his dad. I don't know everything that he witnessed but I do know as soon as I realized there was an issue I withheld visitation from his dad so it was a hard time. I knew his dad was too messed up to take me to court and fight it. Actually it is easier now that his dad is actually incarcerated (for me of course). It isn't any easier for him but I also talked to his teachers about the situation and his school counselor started a small group for him and 4-5 other boys in his class dealing with similar situations. I believe that really helped him. There are definitely good teachers that do care mixed in with a few bad ones!
If you've attempted to
If you've attempted to contact the teacher a dozen times and she's not responding, it's time to go over her head. It's late enough in the school year that there shouldn't be negative repercussions for SD9 if you do so. I would make sure the means of communication I was using (e-mail, phone, etc.) were correct to be sure the teacher is actually getting your messages, and then I'd be asking for an in-person meeting ASAP, with a copy to the building principal. A teacher who can't respond at all to a dozen messages is a huge part of the problem. I would also be setting up a meeting with the principal to request a teacher for next year who is responsive and whose teaching style meshes with SD's learning style. I'm normally not one who thinks it's appropriate to request teachers, but in the case of a young child who is failing, it's time for advocacy. You're a great SM to be working with your SD like this, PA!!
Thanks ndc! I honestly dind't
Thanks ndc! I honestly dind't even think of going over her head! But if it'll help get this figured out and get her doing better I'm all for it! Think they'll let me contact? Or will I need Dh to request the meetings for legality issues?
I'm just making sure she has a future ndc, preferably a nice independent one. LOL She's a good kid, just hasn't ever gotten the attention or time she needs to succeed is all!
Unless you're on the school
Unless you're on the school paperwork, I'd guess your DH will have to do it. A little advocacy now should go a long way, since she's still pretty young.
I agree with ndc. When I was
I agree with ndc. When I was dealing with my son's unresponsive teacher I started copying the principal on my e-mails (as well as forwarding the previous unanswered e-mails and copying him on them). That way he knew I was trying and his teacher was basically ignoring the matter. I was also the crazy mom that just decided to stop in his office unannounced to have a little heart to heart. I don't like going over someone's head b/c it can create backlash in some cases but sometimes it is neccessary. He was great and the teacher at least responded after that she still didn't do much but at least it got slightly better.
It sounds like BioHo *wants*
It sounds like BioHo *wants* PigPen to fail. I hope there aren't any child support implications if he ends up in high school longer than he should be there.
I would not be at all
I would not be surprised if 'Ho wants PP to fail so he will stay at home with her forever and ever!
CS is not an issue - DH does not pay it because PP is not his biological child.
This really is so unfortunate
This really is so unfortunate on so many levels. Your BM is a lazy parent and it seems to be her lifestyle. Your SS will never learn that he needs to do well in school because his Mum could care less about being a strong and responsible parent . He can get away with it. The school and teachers can only do so much. SS is to blame too but they both should be held accountable when he doesn't pass his classes.
I agree with you, Queen. DH
I agree with you, Queen. DH can talk to Piggy until he's blue in the face, but can do NOTHING about PP's AND 'Ho's lack of concern.
Aniki how old is PP? Do you
Aniki how old is PP? Do you think that BM doesn't care because her CS would still continue if this child did not graduate when he was suppose to? Some states CS continues till they graduate or are 19.
PP is 15, but that's
PP is 15, but that's immaterial. DH does not pay CS because PP is not his biological son.
Okay. I didn't know that.
Okay. I didn't know that.
(No subject)
Polly brought home B’s last
Polly brought home B’s last term, her first term of school. She has lost 2 extra murals, WiFi, was grounded and now has study tutoring and daily to do’s. She misses even 1 to do and another privilege is removed.
Im not my daughters friend and she is capable of all A’s if she bothered to open a book.
And this is just one reason
And this is just one reason why I love you, Mon!
Love you too Ani xx Miss P is
Love you too Ani xx Miss P is testing me. Suffice it to say she is going to lose. Little brat is already doing grade 6 math in first term of grade 5, so she slacking off. Some days a highly intelligent is a PIA!
Oh, she will definitely lose,
Oh, she will definitely lose, Mon! If you need ideas, we're here!!!
My parents had very high
My parents had very high standards for me as far as grades went. I was expected to maintain an A average at all times or else there were consequences (which was a little extreme - I won't be that hardcore with my own kids). I think your assessment of what should be done for failing a class is adequate.
Teas, my parents were very
Teas, my parents were very strict and also had high standards, but they were very understanding if one of us received a 'B' on occasion.
It bothersome that BioHo seems to not care that her son is failing and may never graduate high school.
I had a friend in jr high and
I had a friend in jr high and high school who never did as well as the rest of us in school.
Her Mom let her get away with so much crap. In fact, hers was the place we all hung out at because her Mom let us drink and smoke and be generally bad. Her Mom had the “You kids are going to drink, smoke anyway. At least I know your safe when you do it here” attitude.
While I and the rest of my friends grew out of that nasty teenage phase, she never did. Her Mom allowed her to drop out at 16 and her Mom died of cancer when we were 17.
My friend ended up becoming a prostitute. She moved up north and serviced the logging and oil camps. She quit that life, married an abusive man, had 2 kids, got divorced and now babysits her grandkids.
We connected on FB and she’s said that her life has been horrible all because her Mom never parented her. She’s angry that her Mom died but also very hurt that her Mom never forced her to stay in school. Her Dad was an alcoholic who was never really in her life. She’s not as angry with him, saying he had his own daemons to live with.
Notsobad, this simply
Notsobad, this simply reinforces to me why parents should PARENT instead of trying to be The Friend.
I'm sorry about your friend, but thankful she got out of that abusive relationship.
BioHO=Girhippo
They have the same "style" of parenting. . .and that is NOT to parent but to befriend.