OT - Everyone Wednesday
I usually do Women Wednesday, but this topic is for everyone. Major's recent blog gave me the idea. (Thank you, Major!!)
FEAR OF CHANGE
We all have reasons why we fear change. It’s annoying, overwhelming, frustrating, unnecessary, time-consuming, and so on. Let’s DIG. Dig deeper than the circumstance, deeper than your reaction to the circumstance, DIG into the real reasons we’re afraid of change, whether it’s frustration over process changes or overwhelm over a change in career or fear of a change within ourselves or our lives.
Change is the only constant in life .So anytime we’re fighting with reality; we get to ask ourselves some deeper questions. Like what am I really afraid of here?
Beneath the situation (the things you can see or describe), beneath your reactions… are the fears that are being triggered. Remember, no “thing” in life can rub a sore spot that doesn’t already exist inside of us.
Which one of these is you?
CHANGE MAKES ME ANXIOUS
A YUGE reason we fear change is because we feel more comfortable where we are, rather than moving forward. But all of life moves forward and is changed. So if we’re afraid of doing what comes naturally and organic to our nature, it's often because of fear that change is not safe. We know how things are not but we don’t know what lies ahead. It doesn’t matter if it’s a little change – like your favorite restaurant closing – or a big change – like marriage and skids – walking into the unknown rubs against a fear that we are inherently not safe.
Ask yourself: Why do I feel unsafe?
CHANGE FRUSTRATES OR OVERWHELMS ME
We’re human (well, most of us…). We make mistakes. And we have weaknesses. But we’ve been taught from a very young age that this is a bad thing. So we begin to learn that we are not “good enough”… or some variation, such as smart enough, capable enough, strong enough. When change rubs against this idea we’ve learned we say things like “I can’t possibly figure out all these new changes!” or “I can’t handle this in my life.” Change freaks us out because it threatens to expose our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities.
Ask yourself: What makes me think I’m not enough?
IT’S JUST TOO MUCH
Too much of one thing really means not enough of another. This other “not enough“ is all about scarcity on a deep core level. We often hear it in regards to time: “I don’t have time to manage all this.” Sometimes it’s about money: “I can’t afford to redo everything!” Maybe even: “I don’t have the energy for this.! The thing about scarcity is it’s really about us and our (in)ability to create more, which goes back to that “good enough” thing mentioned above. It’s also about the feeling that your needs won’t be met, that if someone else gets something there won’t be anything left for you, that you’ll be left hurting or alone.
Ask yourself: Why do I think I can’t have or create more?
WHAT ABOUT ME AND WHAT I WANT
This one is sneaky and sometimes hard to see. Maybe it surfaces as the “Why me? Everyone is out to get me!” reaction we have when things change without our approval. But it’s also that anxiety we feel as we try to figure something out and feel like we’ll be the last one to get it (or that we’ll never get it!). Or the panic we feel if life or love gets tough, because we’re afraid it won’t work out. You see, under this idea that people are intentionally hurting you or will hurt you is really the idea that you are or will be alone, unloved, unseen, unheard, not cared for or taken seriously, ignored, unimportant or unappreciated.
Ask yourself: How long have I felt alone?
OR maybe it’s something else entirely…
Have you caught yourself wrapped up in reacting badly about something, complaining about change that you know really doesn’t matter? Well, then it’s likely it’s not about what’s changing at all. It may be that the change you’re resisting is really just a scapegoat for something else.
Ask yourself: What am I really avoiding or distracting myself from by spending my energy fighting this?
So NOW what??
Once you’ve done the Ask yourself introspection and identified the reasons for your feelings about change, then examine what positive steps you can take to allay the fears surrounding change so that change becomes a growth experience. Laying out an action plan with specific steps can give you the feeling of control – you get to ask questions, make the decisions, make the plan, and move forward. Fighting change it wasted energy and the negative energy created by the useless fight impacts you and those around you (sorta like skids’ useless arguments and negativity affects US!).