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Keeping skids out of the bedroom

Aniki's picture

I felt like this was starting to hijack another thread, so created this blog.

Is the master bedroom off limits to skids? Does a closed door mean Keep Out? Do the skids knock or just barge in, regardless of closed door?

Before DH and I got together, the skids were ALWAYS in the master bedroom. It was nothing for the skids to not only sit on the bed, but to sprawl aaaaall over it, filthy clothes, nasty shoes and all. DH, Disney Dad that he was (note: WAS), just didn't have the heart to say No.

Well, filthy skids all over OUR bed was a catalyst for Master Bedroom Rules. DH came home from returning the skids to the 'Ho House to find clean sheets on the bed and the comforter in the wash. Funny how I remember this so clearly...

DH: Didn't you just put clean sheets on the bed Friday?
Me: Yes.
DH: Why did you change them?
Me: DH, PigPen and his filthy jeans were all over those sheets.
DH: Ah, well....
Me: AND, PP's ass was right where my face was planted this morning.
~DH does perfect imitation of a fish, opening and closing his mouth~
Me: I am not about to put my face, arse, c00chie, or any other body part on a bed that's been wallowed in by a filthy kid.
DH: I, uh, um..
Me: And since you want nooky every day, you'd better keep them off this bed.
DH: Oh, I, um, you, well, uh...
Me: I mean it, DH. I bloody well mean it. ~and stomped out of the room~

The next skid weekend, Piggy waltzed into the bedroom and started to plant his filthy ass on the bed.

DH: Off the bed. You can sit on floor.
PP: What?
DH: No more sitting on the bed. You're young. Plant your ass on the floor.
PP: Why?

I love it when men are trainable... Dirol



lieutenant_dad's picture

The boys have never been in our bedroom, minus when we bought the house and showed them around. The door to all rooms are always closed, so they don't come into ours and DH only goes into theirs after knocking (I RARELY go in their rooms; usually only when they aren't there and I need to turn something off that they forgot about).

My parents had a much more open door policy until they divorced and my mom remarried. My SF had a strict "no kids in the bedroom" rule. He was softer on that rule when we lived in the house my mom was renting, but it became a big NO after they bought their own place.

Funny, though, now that we are all adults, they don't mind us in their room, and my niece is in there all the time. I find it SUPER odd if one of them sends me in their room to get something, or brings me in there to show me something.

Aniki's picture

Growing up, we were allowed in our parents' bedroom only when invited to enter. Open door - knock on the doorframe. If the door was closed, the house must be burning down or one of us is bleeding profusely. However, being the parents, they could come into our rooms whenever they wanted.

When DH and BioHo were together, no kids were allowed in the bedroom. When he split up with 'Ho and moved into another house, he bought a big tv for the bedroom. It was the only tv in the house that got a signal (antenna), so DH always watched tv in the master bedroom. He let the skids watch with him when they weren't gaming in the living room. So it a new habit that changed after I put my foot down.

I USED to go into the skids' room to change sheets and vaccuum. That's on DH now and the door is ALWAYS closed. I haven't been in there in 3 years.

ESMOD's picture

I was raised in a home where a closed door meant that you knocked.. period.  Even parents knocked on the kid's doors. Of course if we wouldn't answer they came in

For the most part, we also didn't go into their room without permission.  We also didn't sleep in their beds (parents had twin beds lol). 

My SD's have been taught to respect the closed door.  They did not try to sleep in our bed either.  A few times, one of them would sit on the bed with us and watch a movie when we lived at the cabin where there was only one TV.. in our room.. and no other place to sit in there.  And for that.. clean clothes/pajamas.. no shoes on the bed and not "under" the covers. The only bathroom in the cabin was in our room.. so they had to come through there.. but knocked.

Aniki's picture

Ha, ESMOD, if my parents knocked, you'd better call out immediately or hop up and answer.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Nope master bedroom is off limits to everyone! 

It took a little while, for both skids and bios, to get it but now it is like second nature. Always knock. Never a reason to enter even when nobody is in there. If you need something ask. 

And I was in the same position, SO didnt mind skids in the master. However I always hated it. My space my privacy my things. All of which is off limits.

I do remember an instance, very close to yours. I was away for a night. When I came home there was all new bedding in the master. Complete with new pillows and later discovered a new mattress pad as well. Before I could say anything, because at first I was genuinely surprised and thought my SO was giving a kind gesture, I saw his face...

Was that horror I see? Fear I smell? Why yes it was! Because apparently the master off limits rule didnt apply when I wasn't home only he didnt expect BLEH BLEH to happen in the middle of the night! That's right...the only way to hide puke in your bed is to toss it and start over! 

Guess what? Never happened again Smile Guess it was a costly mistake! 

Aniki's picture

Never a reason to enter even when nobody is in there.

Damn straight. NOTHING of yours is in there. That's OUR stuff. And you have no business poking around in OUR stuff.

Cooooookies's picture

I find this a really odd thing because I NEVER EVER EVER went into my parents bedroom.  Never even WANTED to!  I mean there was absolutely nothing in there even remotely interesting.  It was never a spoken thing it just simply wasn't done.  Then again, I wasn't a coddled, snowflake of divorce that was ever placed on a pedestal sooooooooo.....


Aniki's picture

Cooooookies, when I was growing up, it simply wasn't an issue. I NEVER considered going into my parents' room unless invited. In fact, twice I was called in there by my Dad to sit in The Chair. That meant I was in for a lecture. Blush

nengooseus's picture

We have Alexa devices in every room of the house.  If they need us, they can drop in (though I think we're set to do not disturb, LOL!) or come knock on the door.

Chmmy's picture

Hahaha Aniki. I think you know how I feel. At least they arent allowed to sleep in there anymore but I certainly had to put my foot down hard to get that. I mean they got in the bed with me there, two of them aged 11&9 at the time. When Im out of town they all sleep on the couch. Dont put those filthy bed wetting skids in bed EVER again. Yes SS 12 wets the bed still and last year I think he pissed my bed when I wasnt there cuz DH changed the sheets. Really DH? You changed the sheets? He never changes the sheets.

DH is always welcome to sleep with them in their room or the couch and he does occasionally if one of the wittle babies has a belly ache Sad

sunshinex's picture

SD7 has always been allowed in our bedroom IF she knocks and one of us invites her in. But the second she starts touching things and looking around, she's kicked out. DH and I are both on the same page there. She's not allowed in bed with us and never has been. 

BS15 months will have the same rule about knocking and being invited in. He'll also have the same rule about being kicked out if he starts snooping. BUT he's allowed in bed with us. He's always co-slept and will until probably 2 or so. He can also come in anytime during the night if he's scared or having nightmares. 

It's a personal thing. I don't feel comfortable sleeping with anyone unrelated (aside from my husband) in a bed. It would probably be more "fair" if BS15 months wasn't allowed when he's older, but I know I can't stick to that because I'm very responsive to him. DH is free to go sleep with SD if she wants it, but he's not interested in co-sleeping lol.

Aniki's picture

Good rule. Admittedly, I'm not a fan of co-sleeping unless it's with my husband. No one in my family has ever allowed it, including my nieces/nephews with babies/toddlers. We simply do not agree with it. Smile

sunshinex's picture

There was no avoiding it with my son. He's breastfed and he's the worst sleeper! I couldn't possibly get up hourly to grab him from another area, feed him, and place him gently enough to keep him asleep every single hour lol it just made sense for us. 

Cover1W's picture

When I moved in w/DH and SDs into the rental house, the master room was literally entered by going through part of older SDs bedroom.  So the spaces were very difficult to keep separate.  I didn't have too many rules then, but older SD was talked to about entering the master space and taking my clothing without asking (DH just let her...) - since one day I came home to her wearing one of my shirts.  Um, nope.  Then she decided to booby-trap my things by putting red paint in a library book I was reading, blue nail polish all over my good bag (luckily I discovered that weeks later, and it came right off or I would have gone MORE ballistic if I had found that - and I told DH how much $ we would have had to pay me for that one and he was horrified) and then cleaning products on my side of the bed.  That ended free access.

So when we moved into our home, I had that hard and fast rule, no entry w/out permission.  Older SD violated it over and over again until one night she came in once, late, for no real reason, and I sat up, pointed to the door and told her to "Get out and knock first then wait, try again!"  She then went out, knocked, and walked right in, "Get out and try again!"  DH remained totally silent, amazingly.  Third try she got it and she really didn't do it again...well I think once last fall or early spring when she still deigned to come to our home, she walked in as I was changing, I said, "Hey, wait a minute!" I also occasionally found her hair items in our bath (likely she was using it as a last minute mirror before she left for school when we weren't there - all those items went straight to the trash - I never said anything b/c nothing was taken (unlike in the one shared bath in the rental when I had to remove most of my personal items to the room).

Younger SD has never done this.  Even if she's sick she'll knock first.  If she's following me around chattering, and I go into our bedroom, she'll stop at the door and wait for permission to enter.  The difference between the two is just amazing.

Aniki's picture

Cover, you are much more tolerant, Had that continued, I would have put a lock on the bloody door!

Cover1W's picture

Oh there is! We use it at specific times! Heehee

But the cats come and go. I had no issues kicking out people, but not the cats! If it progressed to stealing that would be a whole different issue though.

Chmmy's picture

We had a skid walk in on us. We forgot to lock the door, but we shouldnt have to. Dont knock then you deserve to see your father's ass up in the air.

thinkthrice's picture

happened to Chef and me!  I'm sure it got back to the Girhippo.

thinkthrice's picture

used to give them free reign over the entire house.   SD in particular would go through my dresser drawers looking for stuff to report back to the mothership with.   And YSS would wet the bed.  If I got up to get a drink of water, I would often find oversized YSS6 spooning with Chef.

It was pure HELL!  The only time I went into my parent's bedroom was for the belt!

notasm3's picture

Since I only met DH when SS was in his early 20s  I did not think I had to deal with bedroom issues as he never lived with us. Wrong- SS and his gf slept in our bed when they moved into our home while we were on vacation even though we had a wonderful guest room. It was a big eff you thing. 

I have banned them 100% from my life. I do not care if they are dead or alive.  

Aniki's picture

DH is adamant that no skid will ever have a key to our house. My sister has one. That's it.

DH knows he can't trust the skids. SD25 and PigPen have sticky fingers. SD22 is as nosy as her 'ho mother. SS19 has snooped in the past. So no key.

Kes's picture

Very early on, I made it clear that SDs were not welcome in my bedroom.  It was my one sanctuary - and if they ever had come in I would have told them to leave.  One time DH and SD rifled through my drawers looking for something or other.  I let him know in blunt terms that that was not acceptable and should never happen again.  

Aniki's picture

Good for you, Kes!! My DH won't even open one of my drawers unless I tell him it's okay. He absolutely refuses to open my purse - even when I say something is right on top - and brings it to me.

The skids got their snooping and sticky fingers from BioHo.

bananaseedo's picture

I made the mistake of allowing SD in my room at first-and it made my blood boil I felt so invaded.  I finally put my foot down and it was a struggle let me tell you.

My boys were never big on entering my room to be honest.  As toddlers they would come in weekend mornings to snuggle.


Aniki's picture

It DOES feel like an invasion. After all, it's full of our stuff - NOTHING in there is skid (or kid) related.

shamds's picture

ss20 lives with us when not at uni and very rarely does he knock on our door but has a habit knocking and barging in without waiting for a reply

at hubby’s childhood home we have our own room and ss decided to help himself laying on our bed. He never did this and my barely 1 month old newborn son was waking up and had clearly been crying the past 10mins on and off. Ss didn’t bat an eyelid till i came in room from a quick shower and find his suddenly putting his hand on the bassinet after i opened the door, he leaves promptly without me opening my mouth as i needed to change, hubby comes in and not even minutes later ss knocks and barges in whilei’m putting my clothes on

hubby told him off why you coming in our room, ss says my bags are in your room, hubby asks why are they there they shouldn’t be and ss says he’s coming in the room to get his bags, hubby says no he’ll give it as i’m fully naked at this point

next time sd22 early morning when our 2 toddlers are sleeping, comes knocking/banging on our door calling for her dad. He’d come in to nap, her emergency was to get thespecial sugar she bought for her aunt (obviously couldn’t wait another 10-20 mins for hubby to come out), it took everything in me to not say “ph for f*#ks sake”, we were in the midst of a romp session as kids finally were asleep. 

I feel hubby needs to lay clear rules that they are to wait for us to come out of the room to ask for things unless its an emergency as we have 2 toddlers napping/sleeping and its bloody rude them banging and shouting for unimportant, non urgent things that can wait. Makes me have no mood to attend any events at family home because sk lack manners majority of the time

DPW's picture

I'm in the "off limits" camp. It's my sanctuary and I had to learn that in a hard way in my previous relationship where exSO would allow exSS to sneak into our bed at night (I was furious when I woke up to find exSS cuddled up next to me and exSO on the couch sleeping because there was "no room"!), hang out in the bedroom, etc. I also did not want any possible accusations from exBM as she had falsely accused two people in the past of sexually assaulting her when it turned out to not be true and was psycho. All in all, keeping skids out of the bedroom is good in so many ways that I don't understand how it's not automatically assumed that it is simply the case when in a blended family. 

SteppedOut's picture

FormerSS13 would help himself to the master bedroom when he "see what was in there", to see what our bed was like, to steal money out of my purse, to steal thousands$ of my jewelry, to take formerSO's clothes (shirts and sweatshirts).  

It pissed me right off. I NEVER allowed my older son in my bedroom. But formerSO did. I made a HUGE stink about it after some of my jewelry was missing. He finally told him to stay out...but he never did. He snuck all the time and formerSO "didn't think we should have to put a lock on the door", so he wouldn't. 

No wonder they are formers. 

Ms_Patricia's picture

I feel like even though the master bedroom belongs to me and DH, I consider it to be a private space for me. Yes, my son(4) can come into the room if he wants to talk, cuddle or needs us for some reason. I nursed him when he was a baby and he co-slept with us. So unfortunately, he has felt like our room is his room for a long time. He now has some restrictions, such as knocking if the door is closed and no playing in our room. Now I have a 3 month old who is also being nursed and is co sleeping.

Now for my SD(7), I feel uncomfortable with her in our room. She can come in, with permission, to talk or if she needs my husband to get something for her, but I don’t like her in my room to “hangout”. She has sticky fingers. She has taken things from our home that did not belong to her when she was 3 or 4. You think she knows better now? Nope, just this weekend while we were visiting my parents, she took a box of crayons from their house and wrote her name on it to say that it was hers. I made her give them back and apologize, but she didn’t seem phased by what she did. I’ve constantly witnessed her take things and lie, so NOPE, I don’t feel comfortable with her in our bedroom. 

Ms_Patricia's picture

While I’m scolding SD for taking something that doesn’t belong to her, he seems to be oblivious (or acting like it). He did later tell her “you should have gotten a whooping”, but that’s all. I guess he’s waiting for her to take something that’s valuable to him? I’m sure that would get his attention enough for him to address this issue.  

Step-girlfriend's picture

No skids in our bedroom! When I first moved in they came in and sometimes SD would try to lay in our bed to hang out with my SO, but we changed that real quick. Now they have to knock, and only if it's an emergency. The other day my SO was chasing SS12 around with soap, pretending he was going to wash his mouth out with it, and SS ran upstairs to get away from him. The only thing upstairs is SD's room, a crappy bathroom, and our room. I said, Is he in our room?? SO yells up the stairs, SS, you better not be in our room!!! Then he got annoyed and yelled, get out of our room!! When SS came downstairs a few seconds later my SO was not around so I said, you do not go in our room. He said, well it's the only room that locks and he was chasing me....

We are not the greatest at hiding some of our um, adult stuff, shall we say? Kids do not need to be seeing it. Shok

killertofu's picture

I decided that I'm going to be naked all the time in my bedroom, and when I'm not in there, I'm going to leave all of the adult stuff out (might even need to get some more to really land my point). I mean, the kids aren't allowed in there, so they shouldn't see it, right? Wink

killertofu's picture

My boyfriend (I feel weird using another word right now, as the breakup is so fresh) and I broke up pretty much over this reason. We have lived together for 4 years; and he has a son (11) and a daughter (9). When we moved in, I told him that our bedroom is offlimits when it comes to the kids. He told me that that was ridiculous and he couldn't tell them that.

I sort of had him onboard; though, I would catch the kids following him into the bedroom sometimes, which would irritate me to no end. Or they would say they wanted to grab the cat out of there and I would have to tell the boyfriend, "Now would be a good time to remind him that it's offlimits, right?" "Oh, right."

I started to think he was just pacifying me, like he usually does. Agreeing to things in the moment, to ease my anxiety, but as soon as I'm gone, Disney Dad to the rescue.

Anyway, we're four years in now.

We had just begun looking to buy a house. I told him the one thing I will not budge on, and I wanted his understanding straightaway, is that I want our bedroom completely offlimits. He tells me that is unheard of. So, I told him to buy his house and I will be better off living alone.

I am so thankful for this community and so glad for this post. I definitely feel less alone.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Wow, it is crazy to me that he is so adamant about a seemingly simple request. Unheard of? You should print off the comments of this post and send it to him. I’m not sure why he feels skids just HAVE to be in the bedroom. I hope he finds another woman to date who tries to make the same rule, then he can see how ridiculous he’s being and you are not just being unreasonable. I’m sorry you are going through this...

Aniki's picture

Wow, what a bonehead. What was his reasoning behind this?? Were they allowed in the master bedroom when he was with BM or did this come about after their divorce?

strugglingSM's picture

When I met DH, SSs were regularly sharing his bed, even though they had their own. I told him that if he expected us to ever live together, it was a non-negotiable for me that SSs would not be in our bed (they were 8 when we met). Since we’ve all lived in the same house, the master bedroom is off-limits. They can knock to get someone’s attention inside the room, but the room is my space and they are not allowed in. 

As a kid, I rarely went into my parents bedroom and I can’t ever remember sleeping in their bed. I have friends who let their kids sleep in their bed every night and others who make it a special treat. DH and I don’t have any children, but if I did, they would not be in our bed. If a young child really needed comforting or was sick, I would probably take them into the guest room and sleep there because I wouldn’t want to create the habit of hanging out in mom and dad’s bedroom. 

Aniki's picture

Oh, yeah. Everything you said. DH and I have discussed cosleeping and it's something we both have on the Ick Factor. In fact, we know a person who was cosleeping with his baby, rolled over, and killed her. Sad

elkclan's picture

Nope kids are allowed in the bed, on the bed and in the room. My son now knocks. My OSS knocks after bursting in on us in the  middle of the night (it was a genuine emergency) and he saw more than he wanted to. YSS barges in. One day he'll get a surprise. YSS has even slept with us - though that hasn't happened in a while. 

We regularly do story time in our room and there are 5 people in the bed or 3 people if only my son is there. I just don't have an issue with it and when I told my SO a lot of other people do have an issue, he seemed genuinely surprised - so he clearly doesn't either. I do want knocking though because SO and I are pretty friendly, pretty often.