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How To Ruin A College Graduation Party

Aniki's picture

I have FINALLY gotten enough time to recount the fiasco known as SD26’s college graduation party. Good thing I recorded, filmed, and wrote down key notes! This is long…

It’s been a month since SD26 graduated from college. Invitations were limited to two guests. DH and I were invited. BioHo was NOT and ‘Ho was absolutely incensed. In an attempt to appease the beast known as BioHo, SD26 decided to have a party following the ceremony. At a bar. Big mistake. YUGE.

The ceremony was very nice and I took a video of SD26 walking up to the podium, accepting her diploma. After the ceremony, we gave her a bouquet of flowers, took some pics of her and her two favorite professors, and had pics taken with SD. Then we all loaded into my car to drive to the bar (SD’s DH was there and they didn’t want to take 2 cars).

It was a 45 minute drive to the bar. The entire time, SD is saying to me, “OMG, Aniki, I HATE this kind of thing. I HATE being the center of attention! Oh gawd, what was I THINKING?? Why didn’t I just tell everyone we could just have lunch together? OMG, this was SUCH a bad idea. I feel like we’re driving to my DOOM.” I tried telling her it would be fine, but… SD must have had a glimpse into a crystal ball…

SD’s DH’s car (he brought their 2 kids), her In-Law’s car, and the ‘Ho Mobile are in the parking lot. We walk in to see everyone sitting as follows at the 4 tables pushed together:
‘Ho’s purse was at the “head” of the table. Down the side to ‘Ho’s left, were Mr. Pinhead, Spawn11, SGK3, SD's DH, SGK8, and FIL. Down the right side of the table were ‘Ho’s mother, SS16, SD26, my DH, me, and MIL. Do you think SD26’s ILs knew to keep their distance from ‘Ho? I wonder who else immediately noticed we totaled 13...

SD’s DH (henceforth referred to as BD for Baby Daddy) was talking and being silly with their 2 kids. The ILs were watching and laughing. At the other end, ‘Ho’s mother and Mr. Pinhead were talking quietly. Spawn11 was kicking SS16 under the table.

Stop it
Knock it off
Will you stop already
SS shoved his chair back. Spawn damn near fell under the table trying to kick SS again.


Look there! At the bar! It’s a barge! It’s a pain! It’s BioHo!!!
Wearing the same see-through yellow blouse she wore to SS19’s graduation 2 years ago and SD23’s graduation last year. Except this time, she’d paired it with black spandex capris with sheer panels and flip flops. If ever an oversized bumblebee could look like a slut, it was ‘Ho.

What was ‘Ho doing? Standing at the bar, trying to flirt with the bartender who, by the pained expression on his face, looked like he was giving birth to elephant quadruplets. There were 2 empty shotglasses and another full one in front of her (I’m sure none of them were the bartenders) and 'Ho giggling, “Don’t get no ideas ‘bout me! I know I’m fun and I’m hawt, but I’m married!” ~throws back third shot~

The unfortunate young man twisted his lips in what I assume was an attempt at a smile and said, “no worries, ma’am” and kept pouring shots for the tray next to him.
"Ma’am?! I bet I’m younger than your mother! How old do you think I am??” ~tilts her head, smushes her tits up and out, and bats her lashes~
“Um, er, gosh I don’t know.” (he looks so miserable and mortified! I take pity and head to the get us drinks.)
“C’mon! Guess!”
“Uuuuuuuuh, oh, I guess, uuuuuuh, I dunno, maybe, uuuuuuh… 59, 60?”
“SIXTY?! Are you f*cking kidding me?? Do these LOOK like the tits of a 60 year old??? Sixty! JAYSUS F*CKING CHR!ST! SIXTY!!”
“Um, well, I’m not real good at ages…”
‘Ho (pointing at me), “How old does SHE look?!”
“Oh, jeez, uuuuhhh.... maybe 40?”
“WHAT?! That b*tch is 12 years OLDER than me! FORTY!!!!”
“Uh, sorry, ma’am. Told ya I’m bad with ages. Uh, here’s your drinks.” And hands her the tray of shots.
‘Ho stomps back to the table and starts bitching. (dontcha love how flip flops smack and squeak when someone tries to stomp in them??).
DH gets up and joins me at the bar. We order.


Next thing we know. Ol’ 60yo Tits is back, shoving a card in DH’s face.
Ho: HERE. You owe me $5.
DH: What’s that?
Ho: A card for you to give SD26. You owe me $5.
DH: Nope. I don’t. We have a card for SD.
Ho: What?
DH: We.Have.A.Card.For.SD.
Ho: ~whining~ But I got this for you to give to her. You owe me $5.
DH: Return it.
DH: Aniki and I did.
Ho: You mean SHE did.
DH: Whatever.
Ho: SHE is NOT SD’s mother. I AM!!!
DH: You’re a mother, alright. ~takes my arm and we walk back to the table with our drinks~


‘Ho comes flop-smaking back to the table and is immediately incensed that SD is sitting next to DH.
“SD, you need to sit by ME. Move over, Ma.”
‘Ho’s mother uses a walker. Way to go, ‘Ho. SS helped his grandma move into his seat (right next to the one she was in) and he sits next to DH. Spawn’s lip juts out as she can no longer try to kick SS under the table.

Ho: Shots, everyone! I bought all us adults shots!!! By everyone, ‘Ho meant shots for herself, Mr. Pinhead, SD, SD’s ILs, BD, DH, and me. ‘Ho grabs the tray and smack-flops her way to the ILs.
“You have to have a shot!” The ILs politely decline.
“Jaysus. Whatever. SHOTS!! Take one!!” To DH and me.
Simultaneously, DH said “no” and I said “no, thank you”.
Ho: Don’t be f*cking party poopers.
DH: We don’t want them. Thanks anyway.
Ho: What the f*ck. Has SHE got your BALLS in her purse? Take a damn shot!”
DH: NO. Thanks anyway.
Ho: Take them for later. ~slams 2 shots down in front of us~
Ho: BD, take your shot!
BD: Uh, thanks, but I can’t. I’m driving.
Ho: JFC. Shitty f*ckin’ bunch o’ tee-toters! (yes, she said TEE TOTERS)
Ho: HERE, SD. YOU need to take TWO. ~slams two in front of SD and one in front of Mr. Pinhead~
Ho: Drink up, drink up! SD finally graduated!
‘Ho, Mr. Pinhead, and SD tossed back shots. DH and I didn’t touch the ones sitting in front of us. A good song started playing and, no surprise, ‘Ho tosses back that second shot in front of SD and starts caterwauling, er, singing (oh, our facking ears).


Mr. Pinhead: Hey, SD, why don’t you make a speech? (anything to shut up your wife, Pinhead?)
SD: Oh, well….  (‘Ho stops singing – yay - grabs one of the ILs shots and throws it back. C'mon - you knew she was gonna drink them!). Thank you all for being here. Mom, MIL, I appreciate all you’ve done, helping BD and me with our kids while I did this. Grandma, you never stopped pushing me to keep going. FIL, the many times my old car wouldn’t run, you made sure I got to school. Dad, I can’t thank you enough for paying for my first year. I wouldn’t be standing here if you hadn’t gotten me started. Aniki, (‘Ho throws back the last shot and slams down the glass) when I wanted to give up, you wouldn’t let me. No matter what I did – and I did some awful stuff (referencing the past couple of years before we reconciled) – you kept telling me I could do it and that you had faith in me. You never stopped believing in me. I love you (‘all’ was lost as …)


(‘Ho jumps up, knocking her chair over)

Ho: I’M your mother!! GAWDAMMIT! I AM YOUR MOTHER!!! That barren bitch is NOTHING!! Do you hear me?! SHE’S F*CKING NOTHING!!!!

Mr. Pinhead tried to get BioHo to sit down. She shook his hand off her arm, but he persisted. At which point, ‘Ho grabbed an empty shot glass and threw it at him.

“Get off me! Get yer GD hands off me! Don’t you GD touch me, you dickless f*ck!!! She’s MY GD daughter and that barren f*cking bitch is trying to STEAL MY DAUGHTER! Stop f*cking touching me!!” Pinhead wouldn’t let go of ‘Ho’s arm and she continued shrieking. then started hitting him.

Table participants as this tantrum occurs?
‘Ho’s mother is frowning, looking down, and shaking her head.
SS16 is sitting there with his mouth hanging open, staring at his pyscho mother.
The ILs grabbed their grandkids and left.
BD came around the long way to SD, who was sitting and sobbing into her hands, gently pulled her to her feet, wrapped his arms around her, and walked her out.
Spawn was laughing like a crazed hyena.
I picked up SD’s purse, card, and flowers and DH tapped SS on the shoulder and motioned him to come with us.
As we were on our way out, the police were walking in.


SD26 is still not speaking to BioHo.

And THAT, my dear STalkers, is a sure fire way to ruin a graduation party!


Aniki's picture

Hereiam, I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. But I had no idea it would be such a freaking disaster!

Aniki's picture

Ha! While I'd luuuuuuurrrv for the world to witness the living, breathing, clusterf*ck known as BioHo, I have NO desire to appear anywhere with her!

advice.only2's picture

Damn she went balls to the wall didn’t she!  I’m sure DH wakes up every day next to you and thanks his lucky stars 

Aniki's picture

Well, advice, since I apparently keep my DH's balls in my purse, his are

I'm willing to be that a) SD23 won't believe a word of it and b) Spawn will be as crazy or crazier than BioHo.

tog redux's picture

God. What a trashy, horrid human being. She makes me want to give BM here a big hug and thank her for being so sane (and she ain't sane).

Iamwoman's picture

Hugs to you Aniki. When it gets to that point, it’s not even funny anymore. Just downright embarrassing and tragic.

SteppedOut's picture

Right? I would be mortified to even bear witness to that seeing it, let alone be part of it.

Aniki's picture

Aw, thank you, sweetie!! I'm good. 'Ho can spew her garbage all she wants - I'm immune. I felt badly for the kids and grandkids. The oldest gk is 8yo. He may very well have clear memories of this. Sad

Thumper's picture

OMG aniki...............I dont know whether or not to laugh OR cry.

Why am I not surprised. She wasnt invited but just showed up.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph.

Aniki's picture

GL, 'Ho was not invited to the ceremony. The after party at the bar (to which she WAS invited)  was planned because 'Ho pitched such a fit about no ceremony invite.

CLove's picture

Shes got no class, that one. Toxic Troll is as classless, and I am not looking forward to anything that will require I be in the same room with the Toxic A$$hole.

I love that line "barren effing bi!ch!" I was called the same thing in less polite terms "youve got a rotten effing uterus". LOL. Well, thank goodness you and DH are the sanity. SD needed that support to get through havinga  mother like that.

Love your dscriptions - I can totally picture the scenes.

Biggrin Yay Team Aniki !

Aniki's picture

CLove, I will never understand why women of that sort are so fertile!

ndc's picture

Wow.  Just wow.  And your DH reproduced with this loon 4 times?

I feel really bad for SD26, as her party was most definitely spoiled, but oh my, your recounting of this episode is hilarious.  I would have loved to be a patron in that bar.  And the poor bartender!  I'll bet he didn't get much of a tip after he guessed that the bumblebee was 60 and you were 40!  LOL.

Aniki's picture

Correct. DH has raised SD26 since she was 2yo and she calls him 'Dad'. SD26's bio has never paid CS and has only met SD26 once. 

Aniki's picture

DH tipped that young man $25 before we walked back to the table. 

SS19 and SD23 are DH's bios. SD26 and SS16 are DH's skids.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

What a disgusting, horrendous train wreck. Poor, poor OSD.

But I'm evil enough to have enjoyed every word you wrote, Aniki.

Kes's picture

I'm speechless.  The BioHo has to be the trashiest woman on the planet.    I love it that the bartender guessed you to be much younger than her.   I didn't go to SD24's graduation, as I knew NPD BM was going to be dominating the occasion.  I guess if either of the SDs get married I will have to go. Sigh.  But I don't think even NPD BM could behave like BioHo. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I want to laugh at the idiocy, but I just feel so bad for SD and SS. They both saw that their mother is a complete lunatic in public. Any hope (and there is always hope) that their mother has some amount of human decency in her is either gone or severely damaged.

Might I suggest you and DH take SD and her family out somewhere soon, with SS16, to celebrate appropriately? No mention of what happened. Maybe a trip to a water park or something. Just let them two of them have a decent memory out of this.

Aniki's picture

Lt Dad, it's not the first time the kids have seen 'Ho like this and I doubt it will be the last. I've heard the horror stories of 'Ho barfing down the side of the van on the drive home (kids in the van) because she's so drunk. The screamfests she has with Mr. Pinhead, followed by noisy make-up sex. What I find the most disturbing is Spawn11 sitting there, laughing. I cannot begin to imagine how damanged she is by the way she's been raised.

No water park or anything nearby. We had SD26 and family over on Saturday for a barbecue (SS was working). SS16 came over yesterday and spent the day with DH, working on his (SS) truck. 

Another sad note... SD26 got hired and starts in a few weeks. Her office (well, all of them) are scheduled to be repainted, then she can come in and decorate it how she wants. I asked SD if I could help decorate or come see her office after it was done. She started crying, hugged me, and said, "Thank you for loving me!". Her DH later told me the only comment BioHo made to SD was how SD could take 'Ho out since she'd be "makin' the big bucks". (For the record, SD is NOT making 'big bucks').

WarMachine13's picture

Daaaaaaaaaaaayum! Ho is infukkinsane!!!!!

Aniki you were a class act all the way.

ESMOD's picture

I mean you deserved that.. after trying to steal her children's affection.  You floozy.



JK.. lol.  I would have loved to be at the bar.. at another table just watching the trainwreck.. 

It sucks for your SD though.. her day.. and mommy couldn't hold it together.

Aniki's picture

ESMOD, you know I did my damndest!!! 

Right??? IMO, the most disturbing thing was Spawn11 laughing at her clusterf*ck of a mother.

ESMOD's picture

Both  my SD's think it's hilarious that their mother is a lunatic. 

My YSD called me once to tell me her mom assaulted an older indian gentleman.  She was selling and old Iphone and he tried to haggle with her in person.. she snatched the phone out of his hands and pushed him down.. then left.  I was like.. really? did they call the cops on

Her mother is a "confronter"  I always knew the crap was gonna hit the fan when I would get the call.. "Look... and then she would rant".  I started just hanging up on her when she started with "look"  I told my DH.. I owed his EX nothing... she had no control over me and I didn't have to do a damn thing she said.  I was not party to any agreement regarding the kids.  I could do what I want.. such eggs BM.

Aniki's picture

Daaaaaaaaaaang! How on earth did an attempt to haggle justify being pushed down??

BioHo is all about liquid courage. She's SOMEWHAT normal when she's sober. Unfortunately, she's rarely sober. I would not be at all surprised if one of the skids gave 'Ho my phone number, but she has never called me. I would immediately hang up and block her. I think 'Ho interprets my lack of drama as being weak. I simply refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed 'Ho.