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Christmas at BioHo's

Aniki's picture

For those who don't know, my DH works second shift. On a good 'day' - and if the roads are in good shape - he gets home around midnight. He winds down for a couple hours before coming to bed. Saturday night, he didn't get home until just after 2am. He played Civilization until almost 4:30am (sucky work night) and finally settled down about 5am. 

Mr. Aniki is a major bear when he doesn't get enough sleep. But when you wake him and he's only had 2-4 hours of sleep? It had better be an emergency or you risk waking The Dragon. He usually leaves his phone next to the computer. But this time, forgot to take it out of his jeans pocket, so it was in the bedroom. 

So DH has been asleep for just over 2 hours. I'm still in bed, enjoying my living footwarmer and playing Solitaire on my phone. And DH's phone rings. SS17 calling. 

"Phuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!"

The Bear rolls out of bed just in time for the phone to stop ringing. 

"Sonofab!tch!!"

The Bear stomps to the bathroom...and the phone rings again. SS17 calling. Grumpy Bear stomps back in, grabs the phone, slaps it on speaker phone and growls, "Whaaaaaaat? It's damn early!"

Only it's not SS17. It's BioHo being a sneaky twunt.

Ho: Oh, hi! Did I wake you. ~all sugary sweet and sing-songy~

ENTER THE DRAGON. {The Dragon spews fire and eff words...)

DH: You damn well know you did! Is SS17 okay?
Ho: Oh, he's fine! (I can feel a cavity forrming)
DH: What the F*CK do you want?!
Ho: It's about Christmas...
DH: You're not in-f*cking-vited to our house.
Ho: ~giggling (I'm gonna vomit)~ Oh, it's not that, silly!
DH: ​​​​​​WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU WANT?!
Ho: Do you and Aniki want to come here Christmas morning and watch the kids open prezzies and have breakfast with us? 
DH: WHAT?! Have you been DRINKING? Why in the F*CK would we want to defile the sanctity of Christmas spending it around YOU? Are you IN-F*CKING-SANE? F*ck NO and F*CK OFF.  ~click~

For the record, I said NOTHING. I was too busy swallowing blood from the holes I bit in the sides of my mouth to keep from laughing. I love my Dragon...

Comments

hereiam's picture

I know BioHo is, well, a ho, but is she dumber than dirt, as well? Why would she think that the two of you would want to spend ANY time with her?

Not to mention, the "kids" are not toddlers. What's to watch?

Aniki's picture

Sheep could outwit her and I've worn dresses with higher IQs!

'Ho always has piles of prezzies with all kinds of stuff, including socks and skivvies. The 'Ho House will be packed to capacity with ('Ho Call!):
'Ho
Mr. Pinhead
'Ho's mother
SD26
Mr. SD26
gskid9
gskid3
SD23
SD23's idiot bf
SS20
SS20's fiance
SS17
Spawn12

I can only imagine she thinks we want to be there because SS20 will be here on leave. Who knows how 'Ho's mind works?

Kes's picture

Hilarious!  why in goddess's name did she think that this was even worth suggesting? she surely must have known what sort of reception that idea would get, even if she hadn't have woken Mr Aniki from his beauty sleep? 

Aniki's picture

Possibly because SS20 will be home on leave, so DH would be able to look at him....

Kes, 'Ho doesn't think about anything other than what 'Ho wants. ZERO consideration for others.

Iamwoman's picture

Lmao!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing this Aniki! I just about choked on my chocolate bar, laughing!

thinkthrice's picture

wins the award for THICKEST BM!  Thicker than a whale omelet   -Black Adder

thinkthrice's picture

Ho:  do you want to come over to see the prezzie opening?

Dragon: Yes, on the day I get my brain replaced with a cauliflower

Dragon: Only if I can hang our framed divorce certificate on YOUR wall

Dragon:  Oh course and I have gift for YOU "English for Beginners" since you haven't understood "FUCK NO!"

Aniki's picture

LMAO!!!

I'm going out on a limb here... I'm pretty sure that cauliflower is smarter than 'Ho.

Maybe DH should have texted 'Ho FK NO

ESMOD's picture

Bets that she wanted him to bring a pile of gifts over so that it would look like the kids got a lot... when she likely doesn't have much on her own.

Or... she has some insanely stupid priced things to give.. and wants to make your presents look like elephant dung.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, she's most definitely got an ulterior motive.  She's lucky DH didn't just hang up the minute he heard her voice.

Jcksjj's picture

First of all, your storytelling skills are spectacular.

Second, I'm assuming she knew he would say no? What would happen if you messed with her and said yes we would love to? Would she be glad or panic? Sometimes I like to switch things up when people who are just trying to get a reaction are expecting a certain one just to see what happens. 

Eta: not that I would ever actually go or suggest you should. Ew, never.

Aniki's picture

Thank you, but I just tell it like it happened!

I honestly believe she asked with the (warped) hope we would show. This isn't the first time she's tried to get us to do things with her.

Evil Aniki wishes DH would have said "Yes" and then we don't show... *diablo*

Jcksjj's picture

Oh, so shes one of those that has never been able to accept DH has truly moved on and is constantly attempting to gather any scrap of evidence that might help her cling to the idea that he still loves her deep down? Or is she a weirdo who actually thinks it would be fun to play sister wives and all be one big happy family?

Aniki's picture

Well, of course Mr. Aniki was supposed to spend eternity pining for 'Ho!

'Ho got over her initial peeve that we got married while she was still busy boinking everything with a weezer in all of the surrounding counties before she snagged Mr. Pinhead from the neighboring state. So, yeah, one big happy family! ~barf~

Aniki's picture

Siempre, are you laughing at the fact that I snorked coffee up my nose when I snorted with laughter?

shamds's picture

it reminds me of the time mid last year when eldest sd then 22.5 reinitiated contact with hubby 5 yrs after disappearing with her 13yr old sister courtesy of bio mums pas. 

Then had the nerve spewing bio mums bs claiming for their first meet up to meet in their mums home with her current husband (the one she was ho-bagging whilst married to my hubby before they even separated).

why on earth would my husband want to ever be in your presence. He’s glad he’s not been in your presence for 10.5 yrs.

she sounds like a narcissist aniki, just had momentary amnesia and thinks she’s friggin amazing and wants to try control you by remote. This is the same woman that went apeshit at the pub and got arrested right from sd after university graduation celebrations where everyone stared at her in shock

Aniki's picture

That's a completely unrealistic expectation!

'Ho is most definitely a narcissist. This is also the woman who maintains that "a drunk BioHo is a FUN BioHo!".

shamds's picture

all along eldest sd kept like a brainwashed robot constantly repeating to her dad “see mum is good and a changed person now dad, she’s good” while at the same time claiming her mum lied about alot of things to them about dad, saying he abandoned them to marry a half naked christian whore when she had kidnapped them a year prior, that hubby had gone to witch drs in the middle of the jungle to do black magic against her when she and current hubby were doing this themselves.

her craziness is insane, skids are under her control, more and more crazy shit comes to light and it makes me so uneasy at my toddlers ever being left alone or in skids presence...

but exwife knows her daugters have been brainwashed by her well so she plays into the i’m such an amazing mum and do a great job when she has abandoned them.

any sane person sees right through the shitstorm idiocy except the skids and at times my husband

Aniki's picture

The boys see 'Ho's craziness. The SDs used to, but SD23 is now blind to it. SD26 certainly got an ugly wakeup call!

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

‘Ho is a certifiable Looney Toon! She’s as dumb as the day is long...

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

Wnt 2 cm ovr 2 watch opn Prsnts on Xmas?

No, ‘Ho...no we do not. 

KTHXBYE. 

Aniki's picture

Tweaking... 

U cm xmas c kids opn prz?

~crickets~

somethingwicked's picture

Aniki! I LOVE you! I love the title of this post.Anything with"bioho" in the title is gonna make me smile and LOL and you did NOT disappoint!

Too funny AND your poor DH.That goofy b!tch knows better than to call so early.She's just a nutty attention seeking  twunt.(I like that term ,too.)

Aniki's picture

~smooches~  Give rose

Of course the twunt knows better! Part of me wonders if she had an audience (SS17, SD23) or if she is so facking idiotic that she thought catching DH half-asleep would get him to agree to this lunacy. I cannot begin to imagine how horrid Spawn acts at home after witnessing her in public a few months ago. Just EW.

Gracefulsilver's picture

Love it!  It is so good to laugh on here.  It feels like skids just continuously dump on sp's and we are supposed to like it.  This is a much needed laugh.

Aniki's picture

Laughter is the best medicine!

When DH said, "You're not in-f*cking-vited to our house" it was all I could do to not laugh out loud. 

And when he said, "Why in the F*CK would we want to defile the sanctity of Christmas spending it around YOU?", I thought I was going to howl with laughter! Hence the bleeding bite marks in my mouth!!!