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BioHo already making waves with future DIL

Aniki's picture

Looks like BioHo is already trying to establish herself as the alpha in SS21's marriage. 

SS21 called DH yesterday to wish him a Happy Father's Day and they talked for about an hour. DH puts all calls on speaker phone - nothing to hide - which can be quite entertaining at times. 

Anyhoo, 'Ho called to ask the future Mrs SS21 a few things about the upcoming wedding events. Then things went downhill. Seems that 'Ho expects Mrs SS21 to call 'Ho "mom". Mrs SS21 is not comfortable with that and politely stated as such. BioHo persisted and Mrs SS21 told 'Ho, "But you are not my mother. I would really like for us to be friends and maybe some day I will be comfortable calling you 'mom'. Until then, I prefer to keep calling you BioHo."

Now *I* didn't see anything wrong with that and thought it was a diplomatic approach. Why on earth should someone who barely knows you start calling you "mom" just because you marry her son? 

Not when it's BioHo. 'Ho told Mrs SS21 that she preferred to be called "mom" or "mama BioHo". Mrs SS21 (bless her stubborn little heart) repeated the "maybe some day" and "keep calling you BioHo" bits. 

'Ho persisted. Mrs SS21 will be SS21's wife and 'Ho is his mother so she wants to be called "mom". And the gently stubborn Mrs SS21 repeated. 

'Ho got p!ssy. "Well I'm not comfortable with you calling me BioHo! I'm SS21's mother. His MOTHER!! And you need to call me mom!"

At which point, Mrs SS21 handed the phone to SS21 and said, "I can't deal with that." And SS21 said, "Mom, we have to go. Love you. Bye."

Soooooo SS21 is asking DH what DH thinks he should do. DH said, "Oops, hang on, son. Work call coming in. Let me put you on hold." Puts him on hold, turns to me, and says, "Baby, got any suggestions?"

Evil Aniki took over and said, "I guess dropping dead is out of the question..." ~DH guffawed~ "DH, I can't think of anything. 'Ho will be a pita until Mrs SS21 does what she wants. So she can give in, or stand her ground and prepare for war."

"Son? It's your mother. She's not gonna change." "You're right, Dad. Guess we'll keep avoiding her."

And that, ladies and gents, is yet another lesson on how to alienate your kids, courtesy of BioHo.

Comments

CLove's picture

Husband calls my mom "mom", its part of his culture. She likes it and accepts it and Im good with it.

ALL parties have to agree to something like that. Which should be obvious. Just another reason 'Ho cannot be a part of regular life, and must be relegated to the fringes where she can do no harm.

I hope this doesnt turn off the future DIL.

Aniki's picture

CLove, my BIL called my parents "mom" and "dad" from the get-go. He asked if they were okay with that and they said yes. On the flip side, neither of my SILs ever called my parents "mom/dad" and that was also okay. After 40+ years together, my oldest brother's wife called my Dad "dad" for the first time last year. 

We both know that 'Ho will do plenty of other things to turn off future DIL!

grannyd's picture

Aniki, I was delighted to call DH's mother, 'Ma' (as did DH and his sister) because I loved her, as did pretty much everybody else who knew that fine woman. I did not assume the liberty, she suggested it a year or so after I had married her son. 

'Ho is pulling another power play that will end up creating mayhem and embarrassing her foolish self. If nothing else, the woman is predictable.

 

Aniki's picture

Grannyd, and therein lies the difference. 'Ho insists. Likely, she sees it as her right. ~eyeroll~

JRI's picture

Sounds like SS found a woman as strong as Ho.  All right!

Aniki's picture

JRI, yes indeedy! DH said once said something about Mrs SS21 being in charge. To which I replied, "Maybe SS21 LIKES THAT.' DH had never considered that possibility and has now accepted it. 

Psssst... I like this young woman! *lol*

AgedOut's picture

I had to give it thought and I have one daughter-in-law who calls me 'Mom' and one who calls me 'Tia' I am okay with both. 

In your situation it looks to me like Bioho is peeing on the family to stake her ground as 'she who must be obeyed'.

 

It may be in the future that your SS says (probably not but ..) "Mom, when you order us around or try to force your ideas on us as law, we react by stepping back from you. This is a bad pattern to set, when we have children you may find yourself outside looking in because of it. If you want to maintain a relationship with us, please change your behaviors" 

Aniki's picture

"...looks to me like Bioho is peeing on the family to stake her ground..."

That is a PERFECT anaology!

If only one of them could say that and 'Ho would listen, but she is not reasonable. 'Ho IS the bad pattern and has gotten worse as the years go by. She is a narc and her children are extensions of her. They refuse to a) live close to her, and b) cling to her proverbial apron. When they do anything other than what she wants, she screams and yells. 

bananaseedo's picture

I'm wondering if her kids and husband have ever tried an intervention, the woman needs to be in rehab for a LONG time and then outpatient therapy...after an eternally long stay.  She is one of the craziest on this board.  

Aniki's picture

Bananaseedo, wouldn't that be something? But Mr Pinhead is totally whipped. Any time the kids try to "reason" with her, all hell breaks loose. *unknw*

ndc's picture

Just for entertainment value, I'd like to see someone drop to 'Ho that Mrs. SS21 is going to be calling the Barren Bitch "mom."  Cue WW3.  

Seriously, I admire the soon-to-be Mrs. SS21 and her willingness to stand her ground.  I don't call my MIL mom, and my mother, even after 30+ years of marriage, doesn't call her MIL mom.  It's not like Mrs. SS21 will be standing out if she doesn't call 'Ho mom - there are plenty of folks who don't refer to their in-laws that way.

SMH at 'Ho's unintended attempt to alienate her kids.

Aniki's picture

Ha, ndc, I just SNORTED so loudly!

I didn't call psycho exh's mother or my current MIL mom. 

What's bad is that 'Ho is doing everything she can to keep her kids close. The problem is, she fails to realize that her craptastic behavior and demands are alienating them. 'Ho's dream is basically a commune where all of the kids, their partners, and the grandkids live together. 'Ho was furious when SD28 and family bought a house 30 minutes away. *shok*

SteppedOff's picture

I feel bad for your stepson and his new soon to be wife....uggggh, what a load to drag with that stunner *bad* of a mother!

It won't take long and his new wife will disengage from Biohoooooo. She is really a nutty piece of work! 

Show up, look and feel amazingly smashing and show the Ho up. I can't wait to read about the crazy showing at the festivities *biggrin*

Aniki's picture

Hi SteppedOff, so do I!

It will come as no surprise that SS21 and stb-wife plan to settle hundreds of miles away from 'Ho.

I have one more sleeve to sew on my dress. DH's reponse? "WOW!!!" *yahoo*

JRI's picture

I'm missing something.  I hear all this drama about the "Mom" title.  Who cares what they call you?  All my inlaws call me by my first name, both bios and steps.  Who cares?  Same way with the hallowed "Grandma" title.  All 9 grandkids can call me Grandma or my first name, who cares?  I must be missing something, I need to revise my expectations and straighten them all out.  Lol.

Aniki's picture

JRI, I must be, too. First time I have ever heard of someone making such a stink about it. IMO, she should be thankful people don't address her as Twunt...

WalkOnBy's picture

what a ridiculous war for 'Ho to start.  

When I was married to Asshat, his mom (whom I adored) wanted me to call her mom.  I replied with almost the exact same words as Mrs. SS21.  She said she understood and we all moved on.  

I think I like Mrs. SS21, too.  Seems she has some spunk to her - she will need it when it comes to 'Ho, that is for sure! 

Aniki's picture

Come, come now, WOB. It wouldn't be war if Mrs SS21 simply bows to 'Ho's demands. All her fault! lol

'Ho will be in for a shock when she learns that the happy couple intend to settle hundreds of miles away from her. *dirol*

notarelative's picture

First mother-in-law, I used Mrs Last Name until we had kids, and then I used a form of grandmother most often.

Second MIL, like the other in-laws,  I used Mrs Last Name, until she was in the nursing home memory unit. On the days when she thought I was one of her daughters, I went along with it, and called her Mom.

Mrs or Mr Last Name for in-laws is common in my experience. Both MILs would have been shocked, and not in a good way, if after the wedding, I started calling them Mom.

Aniki's picture

Norarelative, that is a good point - common in your experience. What you call your MIL/FIL may depend on your upbringing, your culture... No way in hell I would ever have called psycho exh's mother 'mom'. Maybe Satan Spawner... 

What I find the worst is that 'Ho is so adamant about being called 'mom', she refuses to recognize her stb-DIL's discomfort in doing so. Give the young woman time to be comfortable calling you 'mom'. Or live with it if she is NEVER comfortable doing so. 

islandgal2021's picture

Wow! Bio-ho reminds me of my middle-son's future Mother-in-Law. I swear that woman is batshit crazy.  My son was 16 when he started dating her daughter, and they convinced him to move in with them when he turned 18, to help them out financially.  Being 18, I couldn't stop him.  She has insisted he call her "Mom" from the beginning.  He was polite and told her he wasn't comfortable with that but maybe in time, it would change. So, she got her daughter (my Son's now-fiance) to call me Mom - I know she did it to try and guilt-trip my Son.

When my Son's fiance first called me Mom, I didn't answer because I had no idea she was talking to me.  I was sitting with her Mom and my sis.  She did it again, and her Mom says "hey islandgal.. think princess is talking to you".  Bloody hell, before I could think the words just slipped out "oh..but I'm not your Mom.. she's sitting right here". My sis nearly fell off her chair and I felt like shit when I saw the look on her face.  I apologised and told her I wasn't used to it.. give me time.  Her Mom however, if looks could kill, I would've burnt to the ground.

I still battle with this crazy woman.  She has lived with my son and her daughter and likes to control their every move.  She has a co-dependent relationship with her daughter and after 10 years, I'm pretty much done with her shit. However..! the stories I could tell about what she has done to us over the years - my whole family's shocked I haven't put her in a body bag..! sheesh!! I may put it all in here one day.

Aniki's picture

Gadzooks! That IS batshit crazy. Maybe she and 'Ho are cut from the same crazy cloth because 'Ho is defiinitely about controlling her children and their lives (partners included). Had DH not been an influence, it's more than likely 'Ho would have raised the kids to bend to her will. But the older the kids got, the more DH pushed back against her BS. Despite everything she has done (more to come, I'm sure!), he has never said one bad word to the kids about their craptastic mother. Plenty to ME... 

IG, body bags are too good for these women. *diablo*

JRI's picture

I hope the future Mrs SS stays strong.  Just think, Anki, you only had her as a BM which was bad enough.  Mrs. SS will have her as a mother-in-law and future grandmother forever.

Aniki's picture

JRI, you and me both!

SS21 is a type B personality and his bride is a type A. DH mentioned something awhile back about her making all of the decisions and he thought it was strange. I suggested that perhaps SS21 likes her doing that. One of my brothers is the same way: type B, wife is type A. They've been together over 30 years. Anyhoo, DH is a strong type A and likes to be in charge. Not that he doesn't respect my decision - he certainly does! After the chaotic nightmare of being married to 'Ho and all that entailed, I believe that control is important to him. And I'm perfectly okay with that. Our marriage works. Just like my brother/SIL's marriage works for them. DH is still trying to adjust to that way of thinking, but he's trying! 'Ho, on the other hand, wants her way. Period. I'm wondering if future DIL has already surmised that. Also willing to bet SS21 has told her what it was like growing up in the 'Ho House. They'll be very smart if they limit 'Ho's ability to inflict her BS on any future grandchildren. And them, too!

shamds's picture

Graduated in front of grandkids and younger kids, she's also screwing up the relationship with ss22 and his wife. What a roll. Pretty soon she'll sabotage and screw up all the relationships and play innocent victim

Aniki's picture

I doubt she's done with the roll, shamds. Of course 'Ho is the innocent! All she wants is for her children to never leave her and do whatever she wants! 

SD25 has been complaining more and more. She is trying to live her life and 'Ho keeps inserting herself where she's not wanted. SD told DH she doesn't want to say too much because 'Ho is helping with her wedding planning. Helping so much, 'Ho is taking it over. After the wedding, SD may be taking a few steps back.

The_Upgrade's picture

If you're super bored and want to see fireworks, I dare you to suggest to Ho that SS can now call you "Mom". After all according to Ho, all you need is a marriage licence to award an unrelated person a parent's title. Nevermind that SS already has a mother. Nevermind that soon-to-be SDIL already has a mother. (Nevermind one of those mothers is batshit crazy)

Aniki's picture

Woman, have you been drinking?! *lol*

I'm a fly-under-the-radar type of gal. Nooooooo way I would do that. *crazy*

The_Upgrade's picture

I used to fly under the radar with my dad's insane family. Then recently my remarried dad started stalking my mum so I went nuts on him. They all think I'm unhinged now and give me a wide berth. I should've ditched politeness years ago :)

Kes's picture

Sounds like BioHo drew up her lines for the power battle VERY early!  It appears to be shaping up for full estrangement, and Ho will only have herself to blame. 

thinkthrice's picture

I think etiquette dictates that the groom's mother not assume the alpha role.  That usually belongs to the bride's mother.  I am admittedly old fashioned .  Then again Bioho was not the Cotillion salutorian I take it.  

In my case, son-in-law does call me Mom.  DIL calls me by my first name which is fine. 

As a groom's mother I do not expect to be alpha female whatsoever.   That just gives mothers-in-law a bad name which many times seems well deserved.

I had an alpha pushy mother-in-law with my first husband.  Now that I look back on it it, seems that she was enmeshed with my first husband.   Although she never divorced her original husband there was quite a bit of conflict where she would always take the kids side over her husband's .  She would have been quite the HCGUBM.

I could never bring myself to calling her mom.  She took over early because my mother is the beta female type.  

Aniki's picture

BioHo doesn't give a rat's patootie about etiquette; only what she wants. As for that Cotillion, 'Ho was probably bent over a bleacher on the football field. 

My psycho exh's mother was a vile piece of work. Mommie Dearest would have been much more appropriate than mom. I barely know my current MIL - have only been around her a handful of times; maybe about 5 hours worth. Not calling her mom either!

thinkthrice's picture

Always pretends as though she is soon to be Sainted as Church Lady Of The Year when in actuality she should be buried in a Y shaped coffin as should HER BM.