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BioHo and SD25's dwindling bridal attendants

Aniki-Moderator's picture

SD25's wedding is next month. (DH and I are sooooo looking forward to the day AFTER the wedding!) 

Three months ago, SD25 "uninvited" Mrs SS22 from bridesmaid duty (last paragraph of this blog:

Last week, another bridesmaid got the boot.

If you read any of my blogs about SS22's wedding, you know that BioHo was <insert negative description here> and did her vile best to make others miserable. And that 'Ho and SD28 had a "falling out". They're still not speaking.

Yep, the recently booted bridesmaid is SD28.

SD28 called me Thursday night (we talk regularly). We talked about work, the grandskids, etc... and then:

SD28: Ani... 
Ani: SD28...
SD28: Ani, we won't be at the wedding.
Ani: You won't? (why did I figure this was coming)
SD28: SD26, well, we had a fight.
Ani: I'm sorry to hear that. (I reeeeally want to ask....)
SD28: She can kiss my lily white a$$!
Ani: Um...
SD28: She was b!tching about 'Ho "f*cking up" her wedding and I told her she needs to learn to say NO.
Ani: Uh-huh.
SD28: Then she started whining about how can she say no to mooooooom and I told her you grow a spine and just damn well say NO.
Ani: Hmm...
SD2: And do you know what she f*cking said to me?!
Ani: Well, no.
SD28: She told me that unless *I* behaved and could promise to be NICE to BioHo, I couldn't be in her wedding. Can you believe that sh!t? BEHAVE?!
Ani: Ooooh.
SD28: She said we could still come, but she didn't want me starting a fight. Me. ME!
Ani: Gosh.
SD28: I asked her if she was drunk!
Ani: Uh...
SD28: She told me to stop being a bitch. (share your feelings, girls) 
Ani: Ah...
SD28: I told her to get her head outta 'Ho's a$$.
Ani: ~inhaling sharply while trying to NOT laugh~
SD28: She said she wasn't gonna let me ruin her wedding. I told her "Mom's already doing that."
Ani: Oh..
SD28: Then she called me a b*tch and hung up.
Ani: I see. I'm sorry we won't see you and BD and the boys. 
SD28: We'll see you over Christmas. Unless you have time to meet me for dinner one night.
Ani: I'd love to, SD. 
SD28: I'll call you soon. Love you!
Ani: Love you, too. Hug the boys for me. 
SD28: Of course!


Last night, SD25 texted to ask me how to handle an uneven number of bridesmaids vs groomsmen. I have not yet replied. Any ideas? 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

at all! It is a shame that BioHo is alienating SD25 from her wedding party and making such a mess of things, but again she should learn to say no to BioHo.

I would suggest to have 2 groomsmen walk one of the bridesmaids down the aisle and for photos I would just leave that up to the photographer that is their job to make the photos look good! What else is she worried about an uneven number for? Either that or ask someone else to be a bridesmaid, but sounds like it is pretty last minute

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Saying No to 'Ho will get you on 'Ho's sh!t list. I wonder how far from the top my name is...

Two groomsmen and one bridesmaid is a good suggestion. IMO, asking someone last minute to be in a wedding you've bee planning for over a year is horsepucky!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Yes, I agree that asking someone last minute isn't the way to go about it, just a back up if she doesn't like the two groomsmen and one bridesmaid idea. I guess it also depends on how wide the aisle of where she is getting married is too!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I texted back suggesting she ask a wedding planner or google wedding etiquette. Actually surprised she asked me and did not Go Directly To 'Ho. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That way if she doesn't like how it turns out or something she nor BioHo can be like "well Aniki said..." ... LOL

well it sounds like BioHo is making SD25 mad, but isn't willing to do anything about it so she thought to ask someone level headed such as you instead of give BioHo more areas to have input on.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

SD25 "goes along to get along". BioHo may be making SD25 mad, but not mad enough to say No. Instead, she's getting the wedding 'HO wants (she's complained a number of times about 'Ho making into the wedding 'Ho wanted when she married Pinhead). 

But the worst - IMO - she is now estranged from two of her siblings. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Do you think SD25 will regret that this has caused estrangement between the siblings or do you think she won't regret it? Just curious since it sounds like SD25's other siblings are level headed, but SD 25 has seemed to follow closest to BM, but almost like because what you said she rather get along then not with BM.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I don't know if she has regrets. However, I think she'll have them eventually if she puts BioHo above everyone else. 

FTR, SD28 was not always level-headed. Getting older, her DH,  and not wanting their children exposed to toxic played parts in that.

caninelover's picture


With 'Ho's prior wedding behavior, it wouldn't surprise me if SD and 'Ho have a falling out later...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

DH and I are dreading the wedding (sounds like a country song).

'Ho previously proclaimed she will be "front and center" at SD25's wedding. Do you think she'll attempt to outshine the bride? 

CLove's picture

This isnt looking too good Aniki.

She might have to cut out a few groomsmen? Im not a wedding planner type, so all that escapes me.

The important part is the sister not going, thats going to live on and the photos will fade into the distance. Hoepfully they can make reparations...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I've said it before: SD25 is the weakest link. She "goes along to get along". And doing that for the sake of 'Ho is no bueno. 

Would cutting a groomsman be the bride's decision?? TBH, I could see 'Ho demanding that...

"...thats going to live on and the photos..."

SD25 (and stbH) is absent from SS22's wedding photos (she had to work), as well as 'Ho and Mr Pinhead. SS22 and his wife will not be at SD25's wedding since she uninvited Mrs SS22 from being a bridesmaid (at that time, there was one more bridesmaid than groomsmen). 

SD25 is not speaking to two of her siblings now, courtesy of 'Ho's machinations. *unknw*

hereiam's picture

Let SD25 and BioHo deal with it.

SD is dropping her bridesmaids because of BioHo, she's going to have to live with the consequences and figure something out. I would not offer any ideas.

CajunMom's picture

I would not reply or if you do, I'd say," I really don't know how you should handle that. Check with a wedding planner."

Remove yourself completely from this mess. You know anything you say or try to add in will come to bite you in the arse.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Perfect point, CajunMom. The only arse biting allowed is DH being frisky!. *lol*

I just texted, "I honestly have no idea. Ask a wedding planner or google wedding etiquette??"

Stepdrama2020's picture

The toxic bioho surely makes her rounds.

Like others have said stay out of this clusterfluck.

I can only imagine what next in the wedding drama.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

'Ho demands fealty!

Lord knows what's next. Two siblings NOT attending because of 'Ho and SD25 still not realizing that 'Ho aint' worth the skin.

CajunMom's picture

That comment made me spit my lemonade! LOL

Please make sure the phone is fully charged. Video and pics are going to be priceless! hahaha

Aniki-Moderator's picture

For some reason, SD25 has banned phones from her wedding AND the reception. "If we see you with a phone, you'll be asked to leave!" Which, IMO, is BS because people need their phones (babysitter, in case of emergency...). 

Rest assured, mine will be somewhere on my person and ready to record. Even if I have to go to the bathroom to turn in on. I wonder if a thigh holster will be visible under my dress...

tog redux's picture

You go be a bridesmaid, in your poofy ball gown.    *blum3*

Between the dress code and the lack of phones, no one is going to show up for this dang wedding. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Bahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!! Only if I can wear a big tiara!

It will be interesting...

ndc's picture

There are two things I can think of for the uneven bridal party.

For the bridal procession, have the best man walk out with the groom instead of walking down the aisle with the maid of honor.  Then it'd be evened up for that purpose.   Pictures are harder.  It is waaaay too late to ask someone else to be a bridesmaid, but maybe you could even up pictures somewhat with a flower girl, if someone has a niece or a good friend with a little girl.  It seems less a breach of etiquette to ask a flower girl later on.

Good grief, that 'Ho is really a problem.  SD25 has totally brought this on herself, but I feel bad for her.  With 'Ho planning the festivities and causing all kinds of familial grief, I suspect this wedding is going to be a major shit show. The only thing we know for sure is that you will look like a million bucks and make 'Ho look like yesterday's junk.

notarelative's picture

I suspect this wedding is going to be a major shit show

And so does SD25. That is why phones are banned. No phones = no permanent evidence. No way for a video of your wedding to make the front page of Reddit. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I texted SD25 earlier and suggested she ask a wedding planner or google wedding etiquette as I had no idea. No ideas; no blame. Unless... "The nerve of Aniki not making a single suggestion!" *lol*

SD25 really has brought this on herself. 'Ho will never 'be there' for her when it counts. 

'Ho might have hired hair and makeup pros. I'm doing my own, so she might outshine me!

JRI's picture

Will Ho be wearring her designer flip flops with her ball gown?

I wouldn't worry too much about her outshining you.  People like her usually have permanent skin damage and everything else from abusing their bodies for years.

shamds's picture

Party at a pub and bioho picked a fight in front of kids crying etc and got forcibly removed from the restaurant right??

and sd25 is asking sd28 to behave knowing full well bioho is a loon who can't control herself?? 

getting married is supposed to be about proving you are responsible and independent, cowtowing to what bat shit crazy bioho wants doesn't show independence or you lying boundaries. Marriages like this tend to fall apart like this. Give it time when sd25 husband says he's had enough of bio ho bullshi* and sd25 comes back with "but she's my mummy."

now sd wants to know how to handle the uneven lesser bridesmaids to bestman/bridesmen?? How about you kick one of the guys out, when future hubby conplains about it and you get into a fight, you can say bio ho issues made you boot your elder sister as bridesmaid and you can fight some more...

just wait for the shitshow to start on wedding day and be damn sure bioho will start something and play innocent victim..

Aniki-Moderator's picture

We left the bar as the police were walking in...

SD25 constantly caves when it comes to 'Ho. "Go along to get along" is her way and it's not a successful tactic. 'Ho has taken over her wedding and SD25 says nothing. To 'Ho. She complains to DH (a little) and me (a lot). Maybe SD25 will "get it" one day. I'm not holding my breath (although blue is a good color on me!). 

My only suggestion was for SD25 to ask a wedding planner or google wedding etiquette. 

Evil Aniki is curious as to how much of a sh!tshow the wedding/reception will be, but I hope for the stb-newlyweds that the bad does not outweigh the good. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Aniki, what does your DH have to say about all of this? Not that he needs to talk to SD25, but I think any future questions she asks you should be filtered through DH and he should respond. 

I know it has made your heart happy that she has come to you for help, but with the drama being stirred up, I think it's time that Dear Ol' Dad step in and say his peace. He'll either get you two booted from the wedding, help SD grow a spine, or get her to stop relying on you for help with the drama. Any of those outcomes sound like wins to me.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Lt Dad, my DH is not looking forward to The Circus, as he calls it. He knows 'Ho is running the sHOw and staying out of it. The only thing DH wants to know is what time we need to be there. He said to me recently, "I'll be GD'd if I'm sitting anywhere except next to YOU, where I belong. Be glad with this BS is over."

You know my tippy-top rule regarding the skids: Constant Vigilance!!! As much as I'm enjoying our much-improved relationships, I will never let down my guard. I think SD asked my opinion because she respects it, but I do NOT want any more involvement with her wedding other than showing up with DH. At this time, I don't want to ghost her or have Dad, er DH, respond for me. I very much respect YOUR opinions and advice, but I'm satisfied with my response. SD did answer back with, "Ooo good ideas thx!"

I anticipate 'Ho doing everything she can to exclude me; especially from photos (and who knows what else). DH has already said that if there is any expectation of him doing anything with 'Ho other than family pics, we're leaving. No Daddy/Mommy only pics or dance or sitting together or anything. He is adamant that neither he nor I  will sit next to 'Ho in the church and has conveyed that to SD. And if he is expected to sit at the reception without me by his side, we're leaving.

LittleCloud9's picture

Hmmm... a "ball gown" wedding that's short a bridesmaid... I'm thinking get a fancy poodle in a poofy skirt. 

Its going to be a circus anyway right?


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Poodle, monkey, clown... OH - I volunteer Mr Pinhead for replacement bridesmaid! I'm sure there is still time to tailor a ballgown to fit him! *dirol*