waiting game
So SD11 had her meeting with the court social worker yesterday and not really sure which way the courts are gonna lean toward. SD has in the past been caught lying about certain events and has lied to BM to gain sympathy from her, so I was a little unsure what would be said and if SD would tell the truth. Social worker spoke with SD for an hour and when SD came out she seemed in good spirits and began to share some the conversation with me. I was feeling good about everything when SD said that they ask if she has clean clothes, gets to take showers, is served supper every night and SD of course answered yes which proved BM was lying about me neglecting SD. Then the social worker spoke with DH and said the SD really wanted to live with BM and why he wouldn't allow her to do so. He was honest and said the BM take good care of SD but he doesn't see why he should have to give up his daughter who he has had since birth. SW then said that they were fighting over SD and should try to come to an agreement together. DH told her that yes it upsets him that daughter doesn't want to live with him when he has always been there for her. SW then says that its normal for children to want to live with the other parent. She ask why DH believes SD wants to go live with BM and he replies,''because she is the fun parent".
SW asked if he thought SD was old enough to decide where to live and he of course said no and that he couldn't put a number on it but SD was not mature enough to make a decision like that.
What made me excited was that SW told DH that SD and I have a great relationship and SD had only good things to say about me. SD also told the truth about some of the stuff BM wrote wasn't true, like me stabbing DH and us taking SD phone way so she couldn't call her mom. I was so proud of SD after hearing that. This proved to me that SD does in fact love me and is only saying those things to BM because she thinks that is what BM wants to hear. This week has really been a stepping stone for SD and I's relationship. If the courts decide SD has the right to live with BM I am going to be very upset. Im not sure what the SW will recommend, I think that she believes SD should be able to choose but also see's that BM lied about some things. SW did tell DH that we should all go to family counseling as soon as possible, that it would be a good idea. So I think she was helping DH out so it would look better in court.
I hate the waiting game, the court date is on the 20th, and now we are just waiting on the report. Oh SW also said she was going to recommend a medeator to the judge. Just wish I felt more confident on which way the judgement will go.
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Have to tell you, every
Have to tell you, every person I meet in court system is different when it comes to the age a child should be able to decide. Most courts will consider, but not necessarily weigh much, but then others will weigh a lot on wants.
MY SD16 wanted to live w/her mom just this past year (after 16 years w/primarily DH, 1/2 w/me and DH). DH and BM went to medication, etc but weren't able to work out. BM would not work at all with some compromise, so had to go to court. We pretty much knew the judge would grant Custody to BM as at 16, you would think that would weigh greatly. It didn't in the in. Judge saw that SD was showing less and less respect/regard for DH during 3mos we had her live with BM on a trial. The PAS was so bad, that Judge said that she knew 100% that if she changed the Custody to BM, SD would have nothing to do w/DH and be out of control due to her "permissive parenting" (The fun parent). So she did weigh in on what was discussed w/SD, but more on what she was saying than what she really wanted.
Good luck. Kids do change with their needs, so could always suggest on a trial basis (with mediator) because the grass is always greener.... and she may change her mind again quickly
We actually allowed her to
We actually allowed her to stay with BM for a school year (last year). The agreement was that BM would use that time to help SD embrace her new family but instead she started to turn SD against us. SD was rude to DH on the phone during conversations, which really upset DH since he would never allow SD to speak that way to BM. BM was suppose to send SD back to us the following summer and then she would start school here and normal visits would continue following summer. Well BM refused to send SD even after we bought plane tickets. Instead of her sending SD home BM sent SD to Maternal grandmothers for the summer. So we waited til a week before school then DH went to MG with out any notice and picked up SD. So we know what SD living with BM would really be like. We are finally getting SD back to her polite self. I really know in my heart that it is not in the best interest for SD to live with BM.
I think a full switch would
I think a full switch would be hurtful to SD and your family. At 11 I don't think kids are old enough to decide either....
I hope they suggest 50/50 for you EOWeek or 3 days/4days and then switch that would be best for everyone. SD gets to live with BM too, you still have equal custody and rights, and BM may let off a bit.
Good luck on the 20th!
BM lives in Florida and we
BM lives in Florida and we live in Hawaii, so thats not an option for us.
I see. So that means you
I see. So that means you will switch from sole custody to maybe just the summer months? Oh man, I think that is to big of a change or any child let alone a 11 yr old.