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just need to vent

anbacc's picture

DH and I started family therapy yesterday, which was advised to do by the court social worker. At first I didn't think we needed to go and that it was just for court, but after getting in there and hearing DH talk as is we have everything under control and things are getting better between us all, Im just like, wait a minute, Is he crazy. Yes I must admit things have been nice since SD11 came back from Xmas vacation but even I can see that there is still a lot of things that we need to work on. I get so tired of DH's positive personality. I use to like it that he always had a great outlook on life but now it really annoys me because he does it in situations were it's normal to have some uneasiness. Like this whole custody redetermination, it bothers me 90% of the day. I cant help but to think about the what ifs. He on the other hand says we shouldn't dweal on it and it will all work out. AAHHH! I have heard to many stories where the good people lose and when he makes those comments to me I start to feel like maybe Im being rediculous to worry. Sometimes I feel like Im fighting to keep his daughter more than he is. For example, we requested letters form family, coaches, counselors. I asked for my half a good month before we needed them because I knew it would take some time for people to get them done and in the mail. I reminded him everyday to call his family, to make sure they get it in the mail in time, well guess what... half a week before the court date we are still waiting on his letters. We finally got his mom and brothers yesterday and we are still a letter short. I have had all my letters for a couple of weeks now. I was wanting to get them all turned in last week before SD had her visit with the social worker, but that didn't happen. Now I just want to get these submitted before court on wed Jan 20th, but i don't think it's gonna happen because DH is the worst procrastinator ever. I asked if he could get the cover paper typed up last night ands he says it doesn't take long and he will do it tomorrow, I say are you gonna drop off those letters to the court house tomorrow as well, because Monday is a holiday and I don't think 1 day before court is enough time for the judge and her lawyer to review the letters. He says he doesn't have time today and wants me to do it. Mind you, I live in Hawaii and the schools have furlough fridays twice a month. So today is a furlough friday and the kids are home with me all day (11, 7, 6, and 4). I refuse to take all four kids into a court house and try to keep them quite while I submit documents and the go down the street and drop off copies of the letters to BM lawyer. He has lost his mind.
So I have a feeling it wont get done until Tuesday. It's so aggravating! So ya, now Im happy we have another appointment with this therapist next week. It's the only thing that is gonna keep me sane for the moment. Thanks for letting me vent!

Comments

Shell8078's picture

If he is not going to care, then just let it be. I know your together and we pick up our other halfs slack at time but this is going way byond your call of duty. I know you don't want to lose but if he can't put forth the effort than maybe it's not meant to be. He will realize and kick him self later and that when you will be there to support him as a wife.

anbacc's picture

I really do want to just sit back and let it go, and let him see that with out my help he would not be prepared, but then again I don't want SD to live with BM. She is self centered and a lier, which will eventually rub off on SD. Plus I would love more than anything to see BM lose once again and all her promises to SD go down the drain. I am starting to feel run short though, and if doesn't get his ass in gear he is gonna be on his own with this crap.

Shell8078's picture

I know your frustration, but It's not your battle to fight I am giving you advise from knowing both side as a SM and a BM. Let your husband do this, if he dosn't get his ass in gear he will lose and kick himself later. You can't help people who are unwilling to help themselves especially when it's right in front of them. We as SM tend to want to control the situation and do everything we can to win against BM but like I said it's not our battle to fight, we just need to be there for our Husbands when they realize they messed up yet again.

anbacc's picture

Yeah, I can see where your coming from. I guess there is a time to realize that I put up a good fight but now it's time for others to do the fighting. I think if he doesn't get those papers to the court house today then Im gonna be done. Thanks for the advise!

soverysad's picture

I agree. He is making his problem (procrastination) your problem. He CAN have a positive attitude because he is delegating all the stress to you.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

soverysad's picture

Hang in there, but remember if you're doing all the work to get custody, you'll be doing all the work when you get the custody, so start making him take some responsibility now!! Good luck!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Jsmom's picture

I agree with the others. You are doing too much. The more you do the less he will. She is his daughter not yours. Let him handle it. I would tell him no, you take it to the courthouse you have the kids and this is not your responsibility.