Seriously!!!! I'm sick of it!! I don't understand why she can't just leave us alone. She made her bed, why won't she just lay in it?!
I have been with my DH now for almost 2 years. We met two years after he and BM seperated 1 year after the divorce was final. My DH has primary custody of the skids. She does not pay child support.
Since the day DH and I met, BM has done nothing but intrude and make our lives miserable. Custody is set up that BM gets SSs4,6 every other weekend and one day during the week. (So when we know "her weekend" is coming up we make plans). Yet on almost a regular basis she has some kind of excuse to why she can't have the boys all or part of the time. She constantly tries to make deals (well I can't get them till this day, but I can keep the later this day...etc etc) instead of just dealing with the arrangement. At times she even called in the middle of "her time" and says we have to come get them because they are being rediculous. Once again making us change and alter our lives to fit her life. Does she really forget who walked out on who? Didn't she loose the right to be a bitch when she walked out of the house, leaving a note on the passanger side of my DH's car saying she was done, then never coming back?
Over the the last two years DH and I spent most of our time with the boys and very little with just each other, because of her rediculousness. I sometimes wonder how we managed to fall in love and get married. We've even had to put our Honeymoon on hold because she would not be cooperative in keeping the boys more than she had to. In the two years we've been together we have asked a favor of her 3 times, I can remember each instance. She talks poorly about me infront of the boys, yet she has never met me...formally, and has told DH that I'm to have nothing to do with the boys, that I was not their mom, she was. I believe she tells this to the skids too, because the disrespect I get from the two of them is so much more than any 4 or 6 year old should be able to dish out! (I've worked with hundreds of kids their age, special and typical, and I have never seen or heard of kids acting like this). DH has adressed these issue with her, but she just doesn't get it! Sometimes I even feel like she's sucked him into believing this. He has said or done things from time to time that just make me think....
When I moved in a year ago, we did a (what I thought) was a thorough house cleaning. Getting rid of everything she left behind when she took off. Yet I keep finding small things around the house that still represent her once presence in it. She's gave my DH a hard time about signing paperwork to take her name off the house when we decided to refinance (yes this should have been done at the divorce but it wasn't) but eventually did, she blames us for all of their negative behaviors, did not take DH's name off her car like she was suppose to, and we still receive mail at the house with her name on it. Then today I go to make a deposit for my DH at the bank and I notice a check from her and the address on it is still my current address. Why, almost 4 years later, do her checks still have an address on it she no longer lives at? Why won't she just go away?
I try to talk to my DH about this, but he is so passive aggressive he doesn't want to stir the pot. He says each time I bring it up, "next year both boys will be in school and she will only see them every other weekend." I don't see it making a difference though. I think she is finally seeing what a cluster F, she has made of her life (having to live in a lower income area, struggling to get by, not having as much of a support system, just being miserable) and so is going to make us miserable to feel better about herself. It's not fair and it's starting to be a stress on our relationship, especially when the skids come back from being with BM and we have to get them back into their normal routine, which they still haven't adjusted to yet anyway! I don't know what to do anymore, how to fix it, how to make us happier. UGH!!
Thanks for listening, I just had to brain dump. No one around me gets it.