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Just when we thought it couldn't get worse

AllIsFairInLoveAndWar's picture

I havent been posting in a while, mostly because everything has been going pretty smoothly, and who needs to vent about that, right?

My DH signed a parenting plan back in Feb for SD 11 giving him full physical custody. BM hasnt even attempted to use her weekly paretning time, but has continued to insist that we force SD to communicate with her, even though it is speratic, inconsistant, and of low quality. thats easy enough to combat though. We found out in early march that DH and I are expecting our 2nd child together, and what will be our last. We had been trying for over 2 years so this was great news, and what i now know was the right timing. I am almost 33 weeks so his arrival is approaching quickly. 

When we first found out that I was pregnant, SD had some mixed feelings and a lot of anxiety. She has a younger brother by her BM ang was left to care for him as a baby and toddler starting when she was 7. So in her mind she thought thats what it was going to be like with this sibling also. It has taken a lot of reassuring and conversations for her to finally be able to excited to be a big sister again instead of a serogate mom. she is finally looking forward to his arrival and is enjoying talking about him and figuring out what she CAN help with rather than what she will HAVE to do. 

SD is also getting used to the fact that BM isnt in the picture hardly at all. Like i said she just pops up randomly when it suits her. SD is doing amazing in school, its her first year in middle school. Shes just over all getting settled into a life with us. 

Well BM's other BD called me tonight to inform us that not only is BM pregnant again, but it is by her lifetime registered sex offender boyfriend and she has been hiding it, shes already 20 weeks. She would have gotten pregnant within about a week of us announcing that we were, some coinsidence. 

Here is my issue. BM isnt doing anything to try and maintain relationships with her exsistant 3 kids, the other two had been removed by cps, and she failed to make any progress in the case so one was placed permanantly with his paternal grandparents and the others dad has full custody. my fear is that SD is going to see this as they werent good enough so BM is just ging to start over with new babies. which honestly is what it seems like. She could see any of her kids on a regular basis and doesnt even try. Why bother trying to fight to get your current kids back when you can just make new ones right?  Im just worried about what issues this is going to set off for SD. Shes already struggling with the fact that she thinks she isnt good enough for her BM to even try, this is probabaly just going to make it so much worse. 


notarelative's picture

I think what SD is going to see is another child that BM loses custody of. BM is on CPS radar as she has had other children removed. They will blood test her at the hospital. If she fails, ... If she lists the registered sex offender as the father, that's another CPS signal. If she doesn't list him, but they are still together, CPS red flag. If they pretend they are split up, but he spends time with the baby, red flag. So many red flags. The odds of BM keeping custody are small.

Harry's picture

You have no control in. BM will do as she wants.  If she with a "" lifetime registered sex offender boyfriend"" I would not let BM see SD alone.  With BF in the picture at her home.  BM must have supervised visitation.  To make sure there no contact with BF / SO/ DH. Both of them are nuts.   
Not your problem.  Let BM go to court and tell the judge how great BF / SF IS WITH SD   That would be fun.  

Winterglow's picture

I agree... and make it at a centre for supervised visitation so that she has to pay for it to boot