You are here

The Peaceful Half

Akyrab's picture

I wrote previous about the nightmare that is my Fiance's co-parenting/child situation, and in that post I mentioned my own co-parenting situation being good and friendly. After having vented so hard about my SS and high-conflict-BM, I thought it might be nice to talk about my peaceful-BD.

My baby-daddy(33M) has been in a relationship with a wonderful woman(30F) for about 2.5 years now. She is sweet and friendly with both my daughter and myself, always super involved in the best, most considerate ways. I live in Canada and my CP(co-parent) lives in the United States. Since I have custody and it's international, the court order is super loose and relaxed about visitation - basically a "whenever you can, not to be any less than 3 weeks of the year, at absolute minimum. Figure it out yourselves" since he and I were both super amicable and chill during the mediation process. As it is, he has her for a 3 day weekend guaranteed once per month, with an "open-access" agreement. Basically, he just needs to text me a week or 2 in advance, and as long as it doesn't conflict with any major commitments, hes good to take her for a day, a weekend, a week(rarely because school). Basically co-parenting on Easy Mode, to be honest. This is what dreams are made of.

Well, CP's girlfriend is not his girlfriend anymore. They got engaged!!! I'm so happy and excited for them! She is incredible and they are so good for each other, it makes me really happy to know that they're taking that step. The way I learned that he was/had proposed was hilarious and really cemented to me how lucky I am in who MY co-parent is.

About a week ago, CP texted me saying that he had something really important that he wanted to talk to me about. We vid called and he explained. He wanted to propose but wanted to respect me as his daughters mother. So he asked me 3 questions. 1) were there any issues I had with his gf in terms of our daughter that needed to be dealt with prior to such a huge step. 2) if she said yes, would he be able to set up a day visit with DD in my area so they could talk to her about it in a place she knows well and is comfy, and 3) could we schedule a time to (all 4 adults) sit down and chat about family holidays, vacations, dynamic, and titles. I absolutely agreed and assured him that I was a huge fan of the gf and that she was the definition of respectful. This is something he and I also did after SO proposed in the spring.

Last night, at about 7pm my phone starts ringing. It's CP's gf. I answer and she is practically frantic. According to her, CP had just proposed at dinner in her favorite restaurant and instead of answering, she basically sprinted to the bathroom in order to call me and make sure that I was ok with her becoming DD's step-mom, as well as asking DD's permission to marry her father. This poor, sweet, silly woman was so concerned about not fucking up her place in our lives, that she accidentally fucked up her own engagement. We told her we were absolutely on board, then had to practically yell her into going and giving him an answer because she FORGOT that she hadn't said anything to him yet!! Not even "I need a minute". He got down on one knee, popped the question, and she took off running immediately. She hung up, and I assume the rest of the evening went well, as we received a picture of them together at brunch this morning, showing off the ring!!

I have to be the luckiest bio-mom in the world to have such amazing people as the other parents in my daughters life. She really is getting a second set of real parents from our choices in life partners, and we all couldn't be happier.

Comments

JRI's picture

He and she are both unicorns.  May it continue forever.

CajunMom's picture

to hear such stories. I'm so happy for you.

I am one of the fortunate ones, also, in that my ex and I get along great and his beautiful wife has been a plus to the kids and to me. While my kids are grown, it is so good to know if something happens to me, my kids have a great stepmom in their life. With that said, my former husband and I had lots of talk and interaction through successful co-parenting, on how to proceed with the kids when we both started dating. Respect was huge for both of us and we stood strong. Today, our kids have great relations with both steps and it warms our hearts. We do everything joint...celebrations, events, etc. My kids don't have to pick a parent...we all attend.

Again, I'm so happy for you. If you don't realize it yet, you all have set a beautiful future for yourselves and the child(ren). My kids often tell me about how glad they are that we did things different. 

I myself am deeply grateful. I'm not sure I could have handled two High Conflict Step worlds. DHs crew has given me enough Hell on their own. 

Again, Congrats!!