You are here

how many steps are there not doing it when skids are around and why

Acratopotes's picture

before we get into trouble for blog stealing...

another step gave her view,
Fruity is un decided lol....

me ... Aergia once asked are you having sex when I'm here... I replied yes and allot of it cause you live here..... if you have a problem with it... move out....

she use to simply walk into the room if the door was closed with the stupidest excuses.... please open my lotion/vitamin pills/ I can't seem to get it.... blablabla

she never caught us in the act cause she would wait only 10 min before coming into the room, curiosity and spitefulness got her no where... neither did her action got SO any where lol.....

Now she never disturbs us even if the door is open.... SO sorted that out he was the only one suffering lol


Stalk's picture

Not when the little ones are here because we are tired out but if the mood strikes when the older ones are here we will.

zerostepdrama's picture

My BS lives with us so yes we have sex when he is around. If it's during the day we just tell him we are going in our room to talk about bills and we'll be out when we are done.

It's been a long time since we have had the skids in the house overnight. But yes we would still have sex, though I felt a little uncomfortable.

First time that SS lived with us (as an adult) I felt a little weird about it but got over it in time. Then he left and then later came back and then I didn't care. It's my house, I'm an adult, I can do what I want.

My mom stayed with us for a month at the beginning of this year and it was a little weird, so we probably didn't have as much sex as we were having but we still had sex.

BS said to me the other day that he thinks he sometimes hears me and DH kissing in the middle of the night and he said he wants to tell us to knock it off. Ha Ha. I told him to put headphones on.

Indigo's picture

Yes, we are active. Sometimes we'll even take afternoon "naps" on the weekend. Wink We skip the sex-on-the-recliner and keep activities to the bedroom when SGD & BS are in the house. We had to put a small lock on the bedroom door since SGD loved to burst in ...

SGD-13 complained to her egg-donor, SD-31, that we were 'gross and noisy and always kissing and holding hands and snuggling on the recliner ...' Apparently our sex life was a major topic of discussion between the two of them.

Buffy's picture

I know I mentioned it as a comment on another blog, but as this is a touchy subject for me right now I'll risk repeating it here.

Guilty daddy will not consider sex, romance or even affection / acknowledgement of our relationship whatsoever when the skids are with us. It started as we were in my one bed flat for the first two years of our relationship so there wasn't any privacy, partly as he didn't want to make them jealous when they were little, and he now fears the wrath of OSD teenaged mini-BM brat who throws a fit if daddeeeee isn't watching her every minute of the day, and snoops around at night.

I think it is also that he goes into muscle-memory 'parent mode' of how him and BM used to be with the kids when they were little having to constantly take care of them, and also as their relationship was a crumbling mess by that point so they weren't exactly affectionate by then.

I have tried to tell him that I need some hugs / kisses / sitting next to each other at weekends to feel intimacy and attraction, but he gets caught up in the kids fighting over sitting next to him etc, and is so loved up by their presence (that despite me telling him so, I obviously don't feel as they care about me, but obviously don't love me unconditionally like they do him, so their is no reciprocity in the relationship) that he doesn't.

We used to have them every single weekend for years as BM needed "her time off" at the weekends. Now it's EOWe as the school counsellor for YSD recently said she was desperate to spend some weekend time with her mother (which I totally understood, it's just a shame her mother doesn't want anything to do with her other than as a walking cheque book, but I digress).

DH also works very long hours in the week, so it only happens once or twice a month. And this from a man who when we first met used to bitterly complain that he & his ex "only" had sex "several" times a month after 15 years together as she didn't get how important sex was to him in a committed relationship... I feel like the bait and switch was rather epic in this case.

We've now reached the point where he tries to get his leg over on the Thursday evening before they come over for the weekend. As it makes me feel used in that I feel he just wants to get his needs met and (from my perspective) 'out of the way' so he can focus on his kiddos all weekend I'm so filled with resentment that I've told him he has any day of the week to choose from, but I'm no longer doing it on a Thursday. He is confused as he genuinely doesn't get the impact of what this combination of both lack of and compartmentalisation of our sex life for the last several years has done to my libido (i.e. killed it).

AshMar654's picture

SO and I do all the time when I am up there visiting. We only see one another on the weekends and he lives with his parents for now and he has his son all the time so heck yeah. Usually it is after his son goes to bed but there have been times when his son takes his shower at night we will sneak something in. I have noticed since I am new to all this kids always being around you have to take the opportunity when you can.

At first SS8 thought us kissing and being lovey to one another was gross but now he is use to it and does not say anything about it anymore. I think it is healthy for a kid to see two grown adults show affection and love towards one another.

SM12's picture

We have sex when the SS's are here. Luckily our bedroom is on the other side of the house from the SS's so unless they are sitting outside our door, they have no idea.
Plus we have always locked the bedroom door anyway. I never understood why DH locked the bedroom door until we moved in together. Then I realized YSS liked to come get us up after we went to bed so he could tell on his older brothers for whatever.
Luckily he always knocked first.

ntm's picture

I used to deliberately initiate the act under the belief that it would be a stress reliever and make him feel closer to me. But I noticed he was pissier toward me the skid weekends when we had sex. I figured out that in some subconscious way, it since he'd gotten it, he didn't feel like he needed to seek my affection so he was meaner.

I stopped giving it to him on skid weekends and he spent the time desiring sex so he was nicer. I thought he'd eventually put two and two together -- if I'm mean, I don't get any; if I'm loving I do, but nope.

Acratopotes's picture

damn - I initiate it as well just to get SO in the mood... then I leave for my house lol.....

maybe you should initiate it and when DH is ready roll over and sleep... he might just ship the kids off earlier }:)

classyNJ's picture

SS14 has been full time with us since summer. There are no nights that he isn't there. So yes, sex while he is home.

I did have to change the fact that when I get up at night I have to put on a damn robe because his room is across the hall. And before anyone asks, no the doors are not closed. We leave them open enough for the dog to come in and out at night.

Peridwen's picture

We play when we are in the mood whether kids are home or not. While DH prefers not to get everything grooving until the kids are in bed, that doesn't stop us from the flirting and innuendo, even in front of the kids though we keep it PG. SD11 was making faces because DH and I were flirting in the car the other day.

SD11 "Why do you have to flirt? You're already married!"

DH "It's fun. I like flirting with Peri. It doesn't stop just because we get married."

Me "Why do you flirt with Brian?"

SD11 *blushes* "Shut up, I don't do that!"

DH: "Attitude, SD. Besides, if you don't let us tease each other, we'll tease you instead."

And then there was silence and blushing from the back seat, along with snorts and giggles from SS10.

Salems Lot's picture

NOPE. We never did.
YSD had fits and would flip out at any noise.


YSD: (Very rudely) "Salems Lot, you make too much noise at night and I can't sleep."
ME: HUHHH?????
YSD: When you walk around upstairs you are always banging your feet on the floor. I know you do it on purpose."
Me: No I don't
YSD: YES YOU DO! (again very rudely)
SO: Maybe you do and you just don't realize it.

She and SO go downstairs to watch TV. A few minutes later....

YSD: Yelling from downstairs, "SEE, there you go again. Stomping you feet.
ME: I'm sitting on the sofa. I haven't moved.
SO: I heard you to!
ME: I have no idea what you heard, it wasn't me!

Cat comes into the living room and walks across the floor....
YSD: There you go again.
ME. Laughing... It wasn't me, it was the cat.

Cat jumps up on the chair.
SO comes into the living room and sits down.

Cat jumps off the chair, walks across the floor...


SO: Looks at me. Apologizes and said, "I can't believe the cat makes that much noise."
ME: I can't believe you allow your daughter to talk to me that way.

SO goes downstairs then YSD come up stairs.

YSD: I's sorry Salem's Lot.......

Could you imagine that kid's reaction and the conversation if she over heard SO and I getting it on?

uofarkchick's picture

My hands were balling in to fists as I read this. You must be some sort of saint. I probably would have started cursing this little brat out.

Salems Lot's picture

LOL. Believe me. I'm no saint.
Yes I was upset, but if I showed it, she would have gotten what she wanted, a reaction.

She had tried similar things like this several times before.
It upset me more, when SO ignored this behaviour. He should have stopped her when she started. I don't know why he used to refuse to show the skids that he sides with me sometimes and let them know when they were wrong or rude or simply selfish brats.

BethAnne's picture

I am I strange? When I was a kid (12ish maybe?) and accidentally walked in in my parent's having sex I was shocked but then reasoned that it was good that they had sex for their marriage. I don't remember us having any conversations about it after I walked in in them. As an adult when I have stayed at their house and heard them having sex, I just try to ignore it and have the same thoughts, I am glad their marriage is good.

Maybe things are different for step kids?

Hellogoodbyemoon's picture

We do not let SD's presence affect our sex life whatsoever, except for the fact i keep the volume down and we keep it in the bedroom.

Cover1W's picture

It's less frequent but we close and lock the door.
Our bedroom is on the other side of the house too, so that helps.

SD13 said recently, after watching some movie or show, "The parents 'did it' while their kids were in the house! Ew!" I just looked at her. Then in dawned on her... Biggrin

Major Blunder's picture

On the floor of the living room, in front of the television while they watch spongebob ( not really )

uofarkchick's picture

You left out how you were dressed as Patrick and the wife was dressed as Mr. Crabs.

uofarkchick's picture

It sure was. I always wondered who Pearl's mother was. Mr. Crabs must have had a thing for Sperm Whales.

Tuff Noogies's picture

we didnt used to, they were much younger and needier and it was difficult trying to break the cosleeping. so no sex then.

then we started having them much more often, so of course after they went to bed we'd lock the door while we were having our fun. now that we've got them full-time, so it's irrelevant to our sex life whether they are home or not. we've done the "taking a nap" thing plenty of times too.

CLove's picture

Oh Definitely! Nothing can keep that man from getting his Acute Nor me either. We just keep it in the bedroom with door locked and at the hours they are asleep. Or watching television. Since we have 50/50, and this weekend is BM's, whahoo the new couch will be christened!