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Signs of Emotional abuse - O/T

Acratopotes's picture

I just read this article and I thought some people might find it interesting.

I actually compared this to my relationship and SO is borderline lol, I will mail this to him, he's never going to mention it but I will keep a close eye on him, to see if he gets worse or not. The main issue is the clothing thing, heck I'm a grown woman I dress accordingly to my environment and work status... stop telling me how to dress... not your daughter lol, you should tell her how to dress less provocative

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5423185/14-signs-emotional-abu...

Comments

Kes's picture

Yes, this is a good article of its kind, it is very comprehensive. My exH displayed a few of these, particularly making me feel I was walking on eggshells, getting angry with me over trivial things, pouring cold water on anything positive I did etc. and the worst one - stonewalling. Once, my ExH didn't speak to me for 2 years straight - and I'm not kidding. If I walked into a room, he would walk out.

Why didn't I leave sooner, I really should have, but I had children, we lived in just about the most expensive corner of England, and my salary working for a charity was not very big, I would only have afforded a bedsit and would have to have left my daughters behind. The important thing is I am now free and in a happy relationship (largely) apart from stress over NPD BM and the SDs, which has got a lot less over the last few years.

lieutenant_dad's picture

That covers a lot, but I will say that it's not always that overt if you are dealing with someone who is pretty passive in general.

I read this before coffee this morning so this may have been covered, but my XH pulled the "you're embarrassing me" card anytime my behavior didn't jive with what he wanted. Now, I could see him speaking up if I were dancing on tables, but here are a few "embarrassing" things I did:

- Asked in public if we could get ice cream after dinner.

- Ate more than one plate of salad at Olive Garden (folks, if you knew me in real life, you'd know that stuff is like crack to me, but I eat it like a normal person, fork and knife and closed mouthed)

- Slouched when walking (made my belly stick out too much, he said; the man was 250-280 lbs)

- Spoke louder than a whisper at a loud restaurant (he shushed me)

- Was just present when his friends came over (we had a shared living/dining area and one TV; they would play board games in the dining area and I would watch TV in the living area)

- Laughed (okay, that one might be true...)

- Wore clothing (I'm not super fashionable, but XH had hair down to his arse and wore old t-shirts with bondage pants...)

He would tell me how EMBARRASSING this behavior was, and I'd become crestfallen and usually cry. He would never offer suggestions on how I could embarrass him less (other than lose weight and stand up straighter; I'm 5'8" and a size 12/14, I'm not *that* big) other than to just stop that behavior. Dates were really fun for me when I constantly worried that I was eating too much or talking too loudly, knowing that if I did one of those things, he'd become upset and say something to me about it.

God love my DH now for accepting my quirks and being quirky himself.

strugglingSM's picture

My DH had some tendencies toward gaslighting to cover his butt or hide something embarrassing. He also had a tendency to try to manipulate, which I view as being on the spectrum of emotional abuse. I usually call him out on it. Between growing up with MIL - who is a master manipulator - and then living with BM for 11 years - BM was full on abusive to him and continues to try to manipulate him post-divorce - DH has to unlearn a lot of bad habits.