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lack of empathy...whatever

007Lostit's picture

not talking about skids. Talking about in us step parents. One of the posters here was trying to say that it was not "normal" to not feel anything for skids who get hurt etc....well I have news for those of you who feel that way...yes it can be normal. When you have endured the years of crap that some of us have...yes it is entirely possible.
It was said that, it is understandable with other adults...that it makes sense if you feel that way towards another adult...well guess what...SD is 17 almost 18, and will be an adult. Just because she is my DH's offspring does not mean that she should get any sort of special treatment or an exemption from being an asshole.
There is something inherently wrong with my skids. I knew it from the moment I met them. I should have ran screaming then. But being young and stupid, I thought i could help. ROFL. Ok...these kids have had specialized counseling, and neither one of them did a thing to change their behaviors. IF anything they learned how to adapt their behaviors to be MORE sneaky and manipulative. If you can even imagine that.

My SS was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder...and I know for a fact that his sister was the same way...she just presented a little differently. Her disorder came out more so when she hit puberty, and his was prominent all through childhood.
You can do nothing for these kids and they grow up to become disfunctional adults as well. Constantly using and manipulating people then tossing them aside when they have either worn out their welcome, have been figured out, or they have no use for them until next time. The violent part of them is what can be scary.

That was the reason we sent my ss back to live with his mom when we got preggers with our now 8 year old daughter. We were fearful for the baby's safety. My SD has already been busted hitting her baby brother....she has left bruises on him, and she only quit when he was finally old enough to start ratting her out. She threatened her little sister to not say a word. It doesn't happen any longer tho...because we talked to our daughter (8) and let her know it was not okay for her sister to be doing that and that we would protect her no matter what...that, and I threatened SD that if she ever laid a hand on my kids again i would show her exactly what it felt like...but that was my mama lion in me....don't hurt my kids, or I will hurt you.

Her brother did the same thing to my now 17 year old son when they were younger...I had a conversation with my then 5 year old son that broke my heart....he was hurt and I wanted to know what happened...he said SS had kicked him in the groin...I told him it won't happen again, and he just held me tight and cried, and told me that "it doesn't matter what you do mom, he will find a way, he always finds a way".

So...for you step moms who always have something to say to those of us at our wits end...try thinking about what you say before you type don't know the whole story....some of us have truly lived through hell with our skids, and we are just trying to cope and vent to those who do understand and know that dark place we are coming from and keep one another from drowning in our own private hell.


007Lostit's picture

"I like that people feel the same way I do and understand, because really....not a lot of people understand and look down at you for putting YOURSELF in this situation."

That is what I like too. It is rare that others know what we go through. Thanks for reading my blog Smile

007Lostit's picture

Yes, it is very common in adopted children, and seldom used as a diagnosis for children who are still living with their bio parents...I believe it is because of the nature of the actually suggest that their was not the proper love and care when they were young. Even abuse.
I worked with kids like this as well, so I actually understand it well...but was not prepared to have it in my own home. that was on reason I quit working...I burned out in no time because i was going to work with kids like this then coming home to it. I couldn't take it. I spent a lot of time on discussion forums for parents of RAD kids and got a lot of support but there was so little to do for them. Honest. A lot of them do end up in homes.
We almost sent my SS to one, but instead his mom decided to take him back.