Noncustodial Parents Held to Differant Standards
On an earlier post one of the members made some interesting comments about how she discovered that her BF was everything negative that her mother had said that he was when she finally met him as an adult. THis strucj a cord with me regarding my DH's situation and got me wondering. If BM passed on postitive thoughts about the non custodial parent would skids as adults then see these positive traits instead of some of the negative traits that most of us as adults have????
None of us being perfect the thought crossed my mind that a lot of the things that are not tolerated or looked upon as horrible faults in non custodial parents because of the information passed down to them as children would probably be overlooked if the parents were still together.
I mean, with most people we have relationships with we tend to overlook their faults, forgive them when they hurt us, and continue to speak to them after arguments, misunderstandings etc. - we even do this with friends.
I am not talking here about parents that have been abusive in any way or nonexistent in a child's life just those that may not do everything that you would like for them to do, etc. One example of selfish behavior that is often overlooked in intact families would be the fathers out there that seem to prefer golf or other activities in their free time (just one example of selfish behavior) as opposed to spending time with their children. Ironically this father would not be considered by his children as nonexistent in their lives yet one that is only allowed EWE visitation could be if their BM protrayed it to them that way!
IDK but it just seems like we cut others in our lives some slack in regards to our relationships so why are adult skids so hard on the non-custodial parents and SMs?????? Just got me to thinking >>>>>>>>
I totally agree with you,
I totally agree with you, Longtime! I'm sure we all have family members that may rub us the wrong way at times or maybe a friend would hurt your feelings at some point or vice versa,.....BUT we forgive and overlook because it is a fact that no one is perfect and because it's just a natural thing to forgive. I feel like these BM's spewing poison to these skids about their BD or SM just cultivates more of the same. My situation is a prime example. My adult BD has a Bfather that never made an effort to be a father. He left us when she was merely 6 days old and had to be forced to pay his measly 140.00 a month support. He rarely saw her growing up and when she was old enough to make the effort on her own, tried to have a relationship. He gave her nothing emotionally. Eventually she quit trying. I NEVER talked down about him even though he was an ass. Why would I want to clutter my sweet childs mind with vicious hate, the only one I would be hurting was her. I allowed her to love him despite his faults and missteps. It was always her choice and she could make it without feeling guilt about hurting me. HOWEVER, my skids BM did nothing but talk down about my DH, told the children that he loved me and my BD more than them, that DH didn't want to provide for them, any and everything she could think of to downgrade us in their eyes. NONE of which was true. My DH always paid his support, provided medical insurance, paid half the college, AND handed over alot more money just for "extras". It was never enough for that b!t@h! She hated me from the get go. No reason for that either because I used to be a door mat for her 25 years ago. She obviously at some point realized she had made a mistake in letting DH go and wanted to make our lives a living hell just out of spite. Sad to say but I truly believe that is the root of the problems now. Those kids were never told how lucky they were to have so many people love them and try to show them the possitives. Crap, divorce is hard enough without having your BM, someone you love more than anything, poison your mind. Now the b!t@h wants to be cordial? PULEASE!!! I am just not able to get over all the emotional abuse she put everyone through....But I truly feel that this is a HUGE factor in alot of why we all have problems with our Skids.
I didn't get
I didn't get finished....lol...Somehow, no matter what hell the BM put my Skids through and what she has put them through since....(stuff you wouldn't believe), they seem to have overlooked it all. They are able to forgive her of some truly deranged behavior. She has gotten a free pass and always comes out smelling like a rose. Somehow in my naive mind, I thought that someday it would all come back to her, every last mean and cruel thing she did would make it's way back to her. It never happened...I don't understand how they have been able to forgive her everything and yet look at DH and me and only see what we did wrong......99% which was contrived.. ??
I know what you are talking
I know what you are talking about. The same exact sceanario played out with us.