Not-the-mom's picture

Please Explain "Relational Aggression"

Someone mentioned "relational aggression" in my last post.

In looking it up, it says that this relates to situations where there are "mean girls" at school who are bullying towards their peers who are less popular, attractive, etc... It is a power struggle for superiority and dominance in social status.

How does relational aggression come into play concerning an adult stepparent and a stepchild who is not the stepparents peer (age cohort/same generation).

From my perspective it would seem to mean that the skid has used relational aggression towards their peers (in school, etc...) and now thinks it can and will work when applied towards an adult stepparent.

Sorry, but I don't play that game! Cool If this is what my stepsons new wife has been doing - she is out of her league!
She has entered the "reality zone" and that crap doesn't work with secure, mature adults. Sticking out tongue

Emerold's picture

I think it would refer to

I think it would refer to familial bonding over the hate of an outsider whom they all feel threatened by. Sympathisers within the family that notice change that doesn't suit them usually tend to resent the instigator of that change and bond with each other.

Not-the-mom's picture

Thanks for the link to

Thanks for the link to StepAsides blog.

I know "relational aggression" as "group think" and "narcissim/co-narcissim".

A group of people who are in "lock step" with one another, and feel that they are the superior ones, have all the answers, and refuse to see their own dysfunction, try to demoralize, undermine and control the "rebel" who upsets the status quo.

This can happen between parents/their biological kids and the one child who won't go along with the "family traditions" any longer.

The "black sheep" of the family can be ganged up on by the parents and other siblings, and an attempt is made to make them tow-the-line. Get back to their "place". They need to be stopped from trying to escape and get healthy. "We're not screwed up YOU are", type of tactics are used towards the family member who tries to get away from the madness.

It is interesting how the same condition has so many different titles, but it is the same old crap! Sticking out tongue

There is definitely "relational aggression" going on with my DH's family and his EX and his kids. They have all seemed to bond together to be against us, even after so many years of them not being able to stand one another. Go figure. Laughing out loud (roll eyes).

Keep the faith!

LizzieA's picture

Yep, went through it with

Yep, went through it with SILs after we got married. Suddenly the ringleader (definite N) was buddies with BM...she went to all the extended family and friends to slam us...FOR GETTING MARRIED at age almost 50...tried to say DH was on route of his dead brother...alcoholic and mooch...HA HA. Now, five years later, everyone sees the truth and they all "love" me...not that I care! Some people are jealous of others' happiness..and there was a definite family system that I inadvertently challenged by "taking DH away" from the 3 sisters, mother and BM who depended on him being their slave...

Now the danger is they will put SS19 into the dead brother's role as "the sick one" -- he is acting just like DB and they continue to enable him by bailing him out.

Orange County Ca's picture

Rational agression would be

Rational agression would be the opposite of irrational agression.

Hmmmm - well parsing it out it would mean agression with a awareness of a specific or somewhat specific goal. A goal a rational person may not agree with but would understand.

Superiority over school ground mates or a non-parental authority such as you.


I've observed humans for 70 years and dogs for 10. I prefer the dogs.

Poodle's picture

no no don't correct him, I

no no don't correct him, I have been chortling for several minutes, just loved it. Well StepAside guess your posts just have too many long words for OCC to be able to take in at once. Evil Wonderful, OCC

It's nothing personal.

Not-the-mom's picture

He was just playing with

He was just playing with words. It helps to keep us sane, and amused! Laughing out loud

Who is that comedian that used to always mess up words on purpose, and it could really be funny? I can't remember his name.

Are you the resident humorist OCC?

Hey, do you know the Housewives of OCC? Maybe you should start your own version of Stepparents of OCC, and get your own show? With that cool hat, you are on your way to stardom! Cool

Keep the faith!