BMs jealous of SDs
Does anyone else have a BM in their life that seems to be jealous of her own daughter(s)?
It's pretty normal for tween and teen girls to go through a stage where they don't get along with their mothers as well. I know during that age is when I had the most conflict with my mom but we were never jealous or competing with each other. I was becoming a young woman and we would have a lot of fun going shopping and developing my own style, encouraging my interests, and talking about all sorts of things. It really seems like my mom was the opposite of jealous, she wanted to show me off because she was proud of who I was becoming.
BM on the other hand seems quite jealous of sd12. whenever she calls DH to talk about parenting she has nothing but a string of negative things to say about SD. When my DH goes clothes shopping with SD she will pick out normal and nice clothes. However BM has been buying her nothing but very baggy frumpy things. It's not that she wants her to be modest you can still be modest and stylish she looks like a bum. BM is always dressed to the nines. She has also cut SD off from her social life. I know we are still in a pandemic but there are ways to socialize virtually and BM is not allowing SD to do any of them. The result is that SD is isolated and depressed. BM then will complain about her being depressed but it's like she's not even worried about her she's just annoyed about it.
My husband has picked up on this and a few times he's brought up that I better treat both of our daughters well and that I better love both of them. I tell him of course I'm going to love them why would I have them if I'm not going to love them!? This always comes after he talks to BM and there is some sort of insecurity planted was in him that I'm going to resent our kids the way BM clearly resents SD.
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Yes, I saw this, too
Our late BM had a rocky relationship with SD59. Now that you mention it, I think jealousy was involved on both sides. SD59 was jealous of BM's looks and charming (sometimes) personality which attracted many friends. BM, from a poor family, was jealous of SD's over-indulgence by DH. When volatile BM tried to discipline sneaky, manipulative SD59, fireworks ensued. That's how we ended up with SD, then 15. But it was kind of poignant because after getting everything she could from DH, SD always wanted to go back to BM and did several times. When BM remarried, SD had to move back with us and I think she felt rejected. They deeply love the BMs, no matter how volatile, jealous or unstable.
Yes, although it is more
*lol*Yes, although it is more subtle than your BM. SD is learning how to cook from my husband. DH is a phenomenal cook. We can make the exact thing and his will be better. Except food from my ethnic background, that's the only thing my ancestors seem to guide my hand as I make it.
SD made a recipe BM makes and she was mad that everyone seemed to enjoy her version more. Instead of encouraging skid she picked her apart and tried to argue she used too much of this and that. She called my husband to complain that SD backtalked and corrected her bc she said "well that's how dad makes it" with too much attitude.
BM was with DH over a decade and didn't bother to pick up any tips. She used to get herself a plate and hole up in the bedroom to text her best friend aka flavor of the month. SS is a notoriously picky eater and he apparently wolfed down SD's dish as well. He had seconds! How dare he!!
For all BM's unhealthy
For all BM's unhealthy fixation on SD15, I don't think jealousy is at play. And I never had that issue with my mother.
I do wonder, though, if some of these BMs who never got over their ex's are jealous that their daughters have Dad's unconditional love and attention, while they don't?
Definitely. I think
Definitely. I think especially the narcissistic ones that think of their kids as an extension of themselves can't wrap their heads around the fact that their kids have a relationship with their ex and they don't.
A lot of them take this out on their eggs but I'm sure a good number of them take this out on their own children.
My mom used to tell me all
My mom used to tell me all kinds of sayings, "beauty is only skin deep", she said that one a lot. Actually so much that I felt ugly. Like she was saying it so that I knew that it didn't matter what I looked like as long as I was pretty on the inside and I do agree insides matter but she went overboard on emphasizing that and other sayings that I can't think of. All of which really made me feel very insecure. My mom is also very similar to the BMs we all come here to vent about. She still tries to damage my relationship with my dad. They have been divorced at least 30 years now and she is still bitter.
I wish she would get help/therapy but she won't