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Well I never!!

fairyo's picture

DH gets worse. Yesterday he reminded me he was babysitting grandskids at the weekend. On top of this he said he was taking them to his work to help them with a homework project. Now tonight he says he isn't taking them to work now- but getting someone at work to make the project for them and all they have to do is glue it together.

I had to sit and listen to this madness without losing my wits and just smiling in that practised disengaged way I have perfected.

WTF??? Is it me? But is DH just becoming more and more of an idiot???

marblefawn's picture

Oh, I'd LOVE to be the employee getting that task! (rolling my eyes)

sammigirl's picture

It is fun to watch them flounder around like fish out of water.

You are doing well with your disengagement. Pop corn and enjoy.

fairyo's picture

I think I am Sammi- he is floundering and just needs to say the right words- why does he find this so difficult? Saying sorry might be a start...!

WTF...REALLY's picture

Employee abuse.....lol

Kid...do your own homework!!! Bad move grandpa.

Acratopotes's picture

hold on, he has grand kids and has to work, not taking them to work..... thus you are stuck with them?

Oh hell NO Fairy, I would tell him, you are not leaving them with me......

Alternatively you take them and you make them do their own project.... but I would not take them

fairyo's picture

No, no, no- if I can explain. he doesn't work much at weekends, but planned to take them especially to do their homework and then babysit them in the evening- all without the privilege of my presence. I said nothing 'caustic' which is the word he uses to describe my language, in response to this half-baked idea.
Then last night he said he'd changed his mind and he wouldn't take them but get one of his employees to make this thing and they could stick it together and say it was their work!
I was even more restrained in my response to this one- what I really wanted tosay was;

'You're getting someone who works for you to do your grandkid's homework? How is it going to look when they turn up at school when the teacher is expecting something made with paper or cardboard and stuck together with tape, and the kids hand her a scale model made from wood? Isn't she going to suspect they hadn't made it themselves and where's the learning in this? Also, isn't it the parent's place to help with homework?' I think this would have been a reasonable thing to say but I would just get accused of being caustic so I remained silent and smiled my special smile.

I would be quite happy for DH to bring the grandskids here and they can do their project with him and even stay the night, but since I disengaged they haven't been near.

So, should I say this to him or remain silent? After all, I don't want to interact much with these kids but at the same time it is his home too and he can invites who he wants- I just wouldn't be around putting my spoke in and speaking in a horrible way to his little snowflakes.

I just wish he'd learn some common sense...!

Acratopotes's picture

thank goodness for a moment I thought you've gone soft....

brilliant idea of telling DH, bring the grand kids to spend the night Hon and then you can work on the project together....
Get some pizzas for dinner....

then you tell them okey dokey peeps I'm off visiting with my girl friends, we are going out to dinner and you leave them alone

but this is only an once off thing, not for DH to take it as every week-end

fairyo's picture

Oh Acrat- I learned too much from you to go soft! My imagination (Which can sometimes run wild in the face of non-communication!) has been thinking that maybe DH has to babysit these kids all day Saturday, presumably because OSD has given him his orders, and is thinking of things to do with them because he knows he will have to babysit them on his own. So, maybe work and the homework thing seemed a good plan- I really don't know.

But, you know me and I am too soft to be so deceiving as to promising something then delivering something else...!

I think DH is terrified of asking me if the kids can come here- although I really don't mind because I probably will go out. In the past I always get the kids doing creative and crafty things but disengagement means I don't want to set myself up with this one again. So, i he wants to help them with this silly homework thing then he does it on his own without me.

I know it won't be every weekend- he doesn't babysit them that often anymore and I haven't clapped eyes on the darlings for six peaceful months.

He is going on his usual Thursday night date night with OSD this evening so I suspect things may change tomorrow- let's see!

Acratopotes's picture

Fairyo - it's not deceiving if you tell DH... bring grand skids here and you can work together on the project..

nowhere did you say you will be there to help him and nowhere did you say you will help him with them... thus remaining disengaged..

but in your shoes, I would've talked to DH and told him, it's fine he can bring them over, communication Hon communication

I'm working on the imagination thing to get that stopped

fairyo's picture

Communication involves two parties- one of whom listens then responds to what you have said in a way that doesn't make you feel 'got at'- we are working on this but usually me raising anything regarding his offspring leads to a full blown slanging match which is the main reason I disengaged in the first place!

However, I will judge for myself when or if to tell him he can bring the kids here- for f**ks sake it is his house too and I have never banned them from coming here! The man is an idiot. His grandkids will also be idiots. I try not to associate with idiots- I feel an idiot-free day out for myself is on the cards...maybe I'll come to Mars...!

Acratopotes's picture

oh yes !!! I'm putting the wine on ice and I'm waiting next to a nice little fire on the beach...

pack your bags and catch a broom... I've send my nice fast one with a warmer seat

fairyo's picture

Oh you don't know how I'd love to be on a beach right now- Fairyland in January is just so incredibly dull...looking out for that broom...!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

SMH.

Your H reminds me of Dr. Frankenstein - a crazy man with a big ego who creates a monster that he dotes on. And he wanted you to be Igor, doing all the grunt work while saying "Yes, Master!".

Enjoy filling your life up with healthy and fulfilling experiences while he caters to his evil creations.

fairyo's picture

This is so true! He created at least two monsters but OSD is far the biggest and the most infuential by far. As to her offspring...I'm a grandparent myself and I help my grandkids with their homework sometimes, although I don't see them so much. I think helping with, and doing it for them, are not the same thing at all.

Yes, Dr DH has created something he still tries to control but hasn't completely grasped who is really controlling who. Certainly he plays the idiot with his grandkids, which I no longer 'assist' him with.

Yes, I think he did see me as Igor for a long time, but I slowly woke up and left the laboratory. He is really missing me in there, as he has to all his meddling with only two hands now. Maybe one day he will down tools and leave those creatures to run amok in the world,but meanwhile I am down in the castle banqueting suite- drinking up his wine store whilst I entertain witty and grown-up guests!

All the silly man has to do is come down those winding stairs with his candle-abra and join us...what an idiot!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

"...getting someone at work to make the project for them..."

If I was that employee, I'd say, "NO". Total crock of crap. Unless you're an employee who enjoys kissing the boss's arse.

I once worked at a company that had a company picnic every summer. One year, the manager decided that, since people were bringing their children, that EVERY employee would have to do an activity WITH the children. WHAT??? 1) I don't have children, so 2) why should I have to entertain other people's children? They can entertain their own freakin' children. The president of the company didn't understand why all of the childless employees were suddenly NOT attending. When someone told him we were expected to babysit other people's kids, he told the manager in no uncertain terms that if no one VOLUNTEERED to do activities with the children, the parents were expected to watch their own kids. ~snorty~

fairyo's picture

I don't think he would have said what the job was for- 'just go make these,' is what he probably said. I no longer interfere in DH's work-life- I don't interfere in his relationships with his grandkids. I don't know if the model was made or not.

The company picnic sounds a nightmare- I don't think I would have gone even if I did have kids!

This does remind me of the time I had to babysit OSD's daughter all day because she had gone to a wedding and DH was working. After the wedding OSD showed me photos of other people's kids. 'I thought kids weren't invited,' I said to her. 'Oh yes they were,' she replied sweetly. 'I just didn't want to take mine.'

Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to disengage...