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Four Days into their break.... Already lost it.

StepMat789's picture
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I knew the skids coming home for Christmas Break was going to be tough.
But, I have to say, I flipped my *** and it has only been the fourth day.

I walked into the house Friday night, and first thing I see is dirty clothes and blankets all over the living room floor. I glanced over and didn’t say a word and walked into the kitchen. First thing I see, trash over flowing from the garbage…coffee grounds on the floor and broken egg shells all around the base of the trash can. My face was then turning beat red. I look over at the stove, three big pans are sitting there dirty. I glanced over at the sink and both sides of the sink are full of dirty plates, cups, silverware, and utensils. I am not sure if they cooked for Guns and Roses, but it looked like a bomb had gone off. By this time, it was all I could do to NOT melt down on my DH.
I walk up the stairs and enter in the bathroom. What to my wandering eyes appears, a urine spot on the toilet seat and two wet towels on the floor. That was when I lost it.

A heated argument between my DH and I ensued. He was mad because I was so upset over the SKIDS mess.
What I do not understand is in what corner of anyone’s mind is it OK for your spouse – to clean up after your adult children? These two SKIDS are NOT working over their break, they are doing nothing but hanging out with their friends. I am not their mom. I am not their friend. I am my DH’s wife. That is it.

Disengaging from them is easy. What is NOT easy is disengaging when they create more work for you. This is where I struggle. Advice please!!

I wish the two of them would go visit their MOTHER and wreak her home.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

When are the pigs leaving? Permanently?

(I am so sorry - especially if you came home from work to find your home trashed by people who were home all day and couldnt see the mess they made or clean it up. Worse still that your DH cant see the problem unless it is with you.)

StepMat789's picture

They are not leaving until school resumes which is 24 days from today.

I wish I could say, it will get better, but I know it is only go to get worse.

zerostepdrama's picture

DH was okay with the mess they made? Did he really expect you to clean it up?

secret's picture

Yep, I'd have lost it too.

I'd have reamed into them, asking them why the F they thought it appropriate to leave the house in such a state, and did they really expect that I was going to clean up after them - this isn't a hotel, you're not the hired help, and to get their arse in gear and clean it up, or find somewhere to stay where someone will be cleaning it up for them.

StepMat789's picture

They were already out for the evening when I got home.

I do not text them or talk to them unless I absolutely have too. If I would have said a word to them, they would just do it more and my DH is perfect Disney Dad and I am the evil step mother. I disengage from 90% of their crap.

It is when they add more work to my existence that I can not deal with them. I do not even bother anymore, but it causes problems with my DH because I vent on him. I am still upset and I am sorry, I am venting!!!

Things have been so much better with the skids gone....and now I am back where I was before.

Thumper's picture

I would be calling Merry Maids for a weekly cleaning at dh's expense.

YES I would. And I would ignore the mess too.

Next year it would not happen. NOR would spring break.

Its Your home too STEPMAT

Cover1W's picture

This is why I'm all over DH now, when the SDs are 11 and 14...and I've been all over him since they were 7 and 9! It's better, but he still doesn't get it, even when he complains about cleaning! NO I do not clean up after them any longer. And Yes, it's my house too.

If I walked into that (and I have) mess I would have first, not made dinner or any food for ANYONE. I have had more than my fair share of cheese and crackers for dinner (DH: "Is that your dinner?" Me: "Yes, I cannot cook anything because of the mess in the kitchen."). OR I would have turned around and taken myself out to eat (done that too) and be gone long enough to head straight to bed (done that).

I have hired a cleaning service and DH pays for it. Every time.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

If you have to clean up this mess....garbage bag everything of theirs they left in common areas. Clean and bag/lock up everything that is the household items they used and left out of place or dirty. Blanket, towels, dishes, pots and pans. Each and every day that you have to pick up anything...away it goes.
No blanket to sleep with...how sad...where did it go? No towels to use...where could they be? No pots or dishes...mmmm they are clean in the cupboard aren't they?

Keep towels,etc for yourself locked up. Keep your room locked. A locking doorknob is not expensive. Just do it. One bathroom...get some Lysol wipes and seat liners for when you have to use bathroom. Bag up anything of theirs left out of place. Dump it on curb for trash pickup or on their bed if feeling generous.

Sink full of dishes...pots dirty. No cooking. Off you go to dinner with a friend. Not DH. He has to stay home to clean the mess.

No need to say another word to anyone. Your house...you are out working to pay for it...just do what you want with the crap. If they are sitting there just dump it in a bag in front of them. Actions speak louder than words. Practice your Death Star stare and keep calm. In a day or two they will get your message and the remaining 20 days will be bliss. If not...just think of all the presents that will be left laying about next week that you can reclaim and take back to store or donate.

Do not be a maid or doormat to grown skids and DH.
It is Christmas week...kick back and have some fun!

And next year....no grown skids freeloading at all on any college breaks. They agree to house terms before they are allowed in.
This is very stressful for your health. Don't allow it.

Merry Christmas!

StepMat789's picture

These SKIDs are 20 and 21. I have tried confiscating their things when they leave them on the floor, they steal my son's clothes when I do that - from his room, the dryer, the dirty hamper. I have also not cooked due to these SKIDS and it is my kids that suffer the wrath. The two older kids are bully's and slobs. They are football royalty and do not have to play by any rules.

This also is not my house. My husband owns it. It was his before we married and I have never wanted my name on it.

I have tired my hardest to disengage from these two, I am totally disengaged from the oldest two....and they are by far the worst.

DH's boys they are just lazy, disrespectful and slobs. I just need them to go back to school and not return. Everything in our marriage was perfectly fine until they returned home.

My DH is very helpful around the house and will even cook once-twice a week. He has ZERO control over his own children and I don't feel he ever will.

SugarSpice's picture

stepmat, I was going to asks their ages. at 20 and 21 they are adults and are supposed to know how to pick up after themselves.

too bad your dh and bm did not give them the life skills they need in adulthood. big fail.

i would have lost it too.

leave the mess just how you found it. these "adults" are still living in their teens.

let their father parent them now.

i know how you feel about the intrusion of the skids. things are fine with dh and me until the skids arrive and throw their weight around and daddy guilt kicks in.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

LEt me guess...your crazy and over reacting and it really not that big of a deal blah blah blah. Funny how all that changes til THEY have to clean it up and then all of a sudden it is a big deal.

Even my small grandkids know better than to mess up a house as bad as your stepkids did.

They couldn't go anywhere else and act like that. I'd tell husband to quit talking and complaining and start cleaning. Nothings wrong with you.

StepMat789's picture

I am crazy and overreacting. This is typical. It was better when one of the SKIDS moved out, but my DH let him move back in.