I totally agree with this. My perspective has changed so much in the last year and I expect it will continue to change. I've now given myself permission to not feel responsible if my SSs are unproductive members of society, to not worry about how their doing in school. I also give myself permission to not knock myself out to make sure my house is stocked with snacks they like or if their rooms are clean when they are here. I just close the door. I've also given myself permission to not care if DH's family thinks I'm a terrible person for doing my own thing and not constantly adjusting my life to accommodate BM or SSs. I now focus on doing what is right for me and my relationship. I also have worked on accepting the fact that every visitation weekend with SSs is going to be a sh%t show and I'll just plan my own thing and let DH act whatever way he wants when his kids are here. I'm not going to try to over-engineer any situation. If my SSs want to tell everyone they have an evil stepmom who doesn't care, that's fine, too. I'm not going to tap dance around to try to convince them I'm great.
you can't change people, you can only change yourself
Funny thing... I didn't change, but the SDs certainly did. For whatever reason, I'm now the evil stepmonster. Heaven help them if I decide to embrace that role... }:)
Comments
nothing will ever
nothing will ever change...
you can't change people, you can only change yourself
I totally agree with this. My
I totally agree with this. My perspective has changed so much in the last year and I expect it will continue to change. I've now given myself permission to not feel responsible if my SSs are unproductive members of society, to not worry about how their doing in school. I also give myself permission to not knock myself out to make sure my house is stocked with snacks they like or if their rooms are clean when they are here. I just close the door. I've also given myself permission to not care if DH's family thinks I'm a terrible person for doing my own thing and not constantly adjusting my life to accommodate BM or SSs. I now focus on doing what is right for me and my relationship. I also have worked on accepting the fact that every visitation weekend with SSs is going to be a sh%t show and I'll just plan my own thing and let DH act whatever way he wants when his kids are here. I'm not going to try to over-engineer any situation. If my SSs want to tell everyone they have an evil stepmom who doesn't care, that's fine, too. I'm not going to tap dance around to try to convince them I'm great.
you can't change people, you
you can't change people, you can only change yourself
Funny thing... I didn't change, but the SDs certainly did. For whatever reason, I'm now the evil stepmonster. Heaven help them if I decide to embrace that role... }:)
you did change - you
you did change - you disengaged... with this it's positive change for you cause you do not care abut them anymore or what happens to them