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What if we just leave them at the hospital?

Dreary's picture

Sd had her twins on Saturday and is due to be released today. Bm called dh this morning and said sd and the babies aren't allowed at her house. Sd has told off her boyfriend for the last time and he is going to kick them all out if sd goes back. She told dh to be a dad for once and go get them. We have nothing for sd or her kids. Sd hasn't been here in months and we never thought they would even visit us unless it was Christmas or birthdays. We aren't prepared to have a 15 yr old and her twins and tbh, i don't want them here. I struggle with infertility and this is a hard no for me. I told dh if he gets them not to bring them here unless he wants to see crazy. I told him I will kick them all out and divorce him so fast he will be left stunned. He is calling around now trying to find a relative to take them. What happens if he can't find a place to take them? What will the hospital do?

Comments

Dreary's picture

This is what they do. They fight and bm kicks her out and sends her to us as punishment. Then they make up and we are the bad guys again. We only see sd on Christmas, birthdays and when bm has kicked her out.

Dreary's picture

As soon as we buy what they need sd and bm will make up and sd will take the twins and we won't see them again. I will never get involved with sd and her babies because I know sd and bm will use them to hurt me.

ESMOD's picture

You know... I don't believe this is crafted to "hurt you". The girl is in a crappy situation. Imagine being that age and thinking neither of your parents want you.

ESMOD's picture

Well.. there you go. They aren't going to use the kids to hurt you. You realize you might get attached to the kids. But here's the thing. Those kids need help. ALL three of them. Sure, they may step on your feelings, but love matters and those kids getting support right now matters.

notasm3's picture

They WILL use their those children to hurt you. Not today - but people like that use any weapon they can.

DH' s grandchild was not even 18 months old before he got the ultimatum that he could not be in the GC's life if they couldn't use my vacation home.

Best thing that could happen to those twins is to go into foster care. People want to bash foster care, but the first hand evidence I've seen shows that infants get excellent care while the mother gets serious professional support on how to handle her situation.

ESMOD's picture

Whether SD giving up the kids or putting them in foster care is the right decision, I don't think abandoning your minor child at the hospital is the right thing to do. Even if her mother has PAS'ed her.

Sure, OP and her DH may be hurt by SD and the BM in the future, but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't still try to do the right thing. Not helping her now is going to ensure that their relationship is irreparably damaged.

Dreary's picture

Bm came and got sd the second she realized dh wasn't going to continue paying child support. We haven't seen or heard from them since till yesterday when sd called dh to tell him that he needed to bring her a strawberry milkshake to the hospital. She refused all of dh's phone calls and refused to visit.

Dreary's picture

How was he supposed to help her? She refused all contact from him. Bm picked her up and they were gone. He kept calling and trying to get in touch with her and we got no response. Tell me what dh should have done that he didn't try. Don't call me a troll. I am a step parent looking for advice and I am venting which is what this site is for.

Disneyfan's picture

What he should do now is walk away from you. BM should walk away from her SO as well. Since the both of you are forcing them to make a choice, that choice should be their child and grandchildren.

ESMOD's picture

I'm sorry but I can't see a father seriously turning his back on his minor daughter who just gave birth to twins. Sure, BM shouldn't either, but this child has two parents and her father shouldn't be turning his back on her.

I'm curious though. Is SD interested in raising these babies? Maybe DH and Dreary could adopt them?

In any case, while this is a hard situation for everyone involved, I can't imagine telling my husband that his minor daughter couldn't come to him in a time of need like this.

Dreary's picture

Dh hasn't gotten to be a father in a long time. Sd and bm do what they want and that includes icing him out till they want something. Dh is the bad guy no matter what he does. They will make up and sd will wait till Christmas before she accepts his calls again.

Dreary's picture

Still struggeling, I deleted you because I would rather not today. I would rather not deal with people who aren't helpful and want to call me names. If you have nothing nice to say or even if you want to tell me off that is fine but stop calling me a troll.

hereiam's picture

What happens if he can't find a place to take them? What will the hospital do?

The hospital would probably call social services and they would try to find a foster family to take her and the babies in. Your husband would then be on the hook for paying the state child support for his child.

hereiam's picture

Of course, but I was only addressing how it would affect OP and her household, BM is not her concern.

still learning's picture

^^Yes DH and BM could be on the hook for CS for sd and possibly the twins as well. There could also be a charge of abandonment filed on both parents if neither will take her in and the state has to pick up the slack. I was in a foster home at 16 due to abandonment, though my parents were never officially charged since they couldn't be found.

Someone mentioned taking in SD and getting support from BM, that's a great idea. About the babies, if no one in the family is interested in raising them then social services should be called and arrangments for their care made. It's unfair for SD to be kicked out and tossed around and even more so for these innocent babies. SD obviously will not be able to care for the twins.

OP, if you are at all interested in adopting, the universe is bringing these two babies to your door. You and DH could easily adopt and they would be yours.

ntm's picture

Who has legal residential custody? That parent needs to provide a roof over her head. As for the babies, she needs to relinquish them for adoption. There is a loving family that will raise them in a non-hostile environment.

momof3smof2's picture

I feel for this girl. I think she has two crap parents. It's no wonder she ended up pregnant at 15.

DaizyDuke's picture

(if this is real) there is a big chunk missing here. So SD has been living with BM right up until the birth of these twins and now BM has suddenly declared that SD is not allowed at her home. Now, given that a pregnancy is at least 7-8 months, (maybe she went early because she's young and had twins), there HAD to be some preparation for these babies. So clothes were purchased, bottles, crib etc. Where are these things? At BM's?? Did she happen to mention when she called DH what she was planning on doing with all this stuff since SD won't be returning??

I'm skeptical as a story similar to this has played out around here before and this just seems to be too perfect a storm to be believable. (SD was raped, SD has twins, BM kicks SD out, etc etc)

AWWKNSWTD's picture

Best case scenario for your SD and those babies is for her to give them up for adoption. Guessing that isn't even an option being considered.

I see an upside to no one rushing to bring the three of them home -- perhaps the hospital social worker and DFACS worker(s) can convince her that raising these babies is going to be too hard and to consider adoption.

I don't know the story here, but if the father of the baby is over 16 (maybe 18) depending on state, he likely will be prosecuted if the state intervenes -- which isn't a bad thing it sounds like.

If SD goes into the system, both dad and mom will be paying child support.

StepX2's picture

There could be 2 baby daddies.
The twins' father or fathers need to be identified and made to pay as well.

Harry's picture

If you are in the US. The state government will come after both of them BM and BF to pay for SD and SG. They will take you to court and get what they can get per month. They are not your kids or grandkids, if your SO the BF want to stay home and take care of his DD and GK that up to him. You don't have to do it. Let who ever is calling you names take care of SD, you have the same connection with SD as other poster.

Dreary's picture

Bm and sd would never allow that. She and bm will use them for welfare and food stamps and whatever else they can get their hands on when they start talking again.

still learning's picture

"Bm called dh this morning and said sd and the babies aren't allowed at her house."

Even though BM said this ^, sadly that may happen and what a disaster for the babies to be tossed out whenever there was a falling out.

BethAnne's picture

I would be ashamed to be a parent of a 15 year old who has just had twins and I was calling my relatives to see if someone else could take them in.

I would be ashamed to be married to a man who would refuse shelter to his 15 year old child and her newborn kids. I would strongly consider leaving a man that acted like that.

If I were you and I strongly felt that I could not live with the babies, I would find somewhere for me to stay temporarily until more permanent arrangements can be made or sd moves back in with BM. I would feel very guilty at not doing what I could to prevent these children ending up in care.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Curious, SuperJew... Would your parents have kicked you out if you'd been raped? According to OP, this girl was raped by 3 boys.

BethAnne's picture

Gtfo policy is all well and good in theory and when trying to scare a teen into being responsible but I am willing to bet that in reality many parents who preach that would accept their child and grandchildren into their homes.

OP could stay in her house, but she stated that it would be too upsetting for her due to her battles with her own fertility. What I am suggesting is not a permanent change in her living arrangements but spending a weekend, a week, a month or a couple of months elsewhere while this mess is sorted out so that the children can come out of hospital they can all avoid going into care. This is what 'I' would do in these circumstances as I believe my husband would be responsible for his daughter (even when BM waived her responsibility) and I have a moral duty to not stand in his way of providing necessities to her such as shelter. What others would do is up to them.

Disneyfan's picture

She was raped.

The OP and BM's SO should do what's best for them. BM and the OP's husband should do what's best for their minor child and grandkids

Aniki-Moderator's picture

There is no "WE" in leaving SD and the twins in the hospital. This is ALL on your DH and BM.

Is the house yours AND your DH's? Frankly, your stance of 'I will kick them all out and divorce him so fast' would be the catalyst for me to say 'Fine. We're getting divorced.'

SD is 15. FIFTEEEN. She was RAPED. I struggled with fertility, too, but gawdalmighty, I'd have to be one heartless piece of work to not try and help this girl. SMDH

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Babybugged, I'm seriously crushing on you right now... <3

*I* suffered from long-term infertility and went through all manner of invasive, embarrassing, awkward tests. Nothing like having sex in the doctor's office... Month after month, year after year of no baby. It sucked.

That being said, my now-exH had a son. Had ANYTHING happened where my exH would have needed to give his son a place to live, I would have said YES without hesitation. The day he turned his back on his son would have been the day I contacted a lawyer to file for divorce.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Thank you, babybugged. The skids can be annoying, but I could never respect DH if he turned his back on them at such a crucial time. OMG, this girl was raped and had the babies and you throw them all away? WTH??

SM12's picture

This sounds awful familiar. I originally thought this was the story about the SS who got the DD pregnant and the BM forced them to have the babies (twins) and BM was going to adopt them. BM was also threatening to file charges against the SD because she was older than the SS.

Call me crazy but I swear I thought this was the same person. I didn't recall any story about rape.

notarelative's picture

Call the hospital social worker and ask her to put you in touch with whoever at social services handles these cases. There are programs and help available to children (and SD at 15 is a child) in these circumstances.

SD is 15. You may not be aware, but most likely social services is already involved. Get in touch with them. They can help.

Don't make any decisions unless and until.you have complete information.

mommadukes2015's picture

How sad to think that some where there are twin babies that no one wants to deal with.

Listen, you may not like what I have to say, but sometimes good advice is hard to swallow. SD made a mistake getting pregnant-BUT before she made any mistakes, there were parenting mistakes made on the part of BM and DH. Your SD is 15 of course she 's going to wax and wane at BM's will-children are more likely to be closer to a parent of the same sex, she's a teenage caught in the middle of a clearly hostile situation. THIS is not her cross to bear alone.

I am truly empathetic with your fertility problems, I've lost babies too and I know how much that blows. I have a friend who is currently going through treatments and they're not working. I have seen first hand that heartbreak. But when I had my daughter, guess who was next to me a soon as she could be? Babies exist in the world, finding a way to cope with that will not be easy, but it will be liberating. If it's possible for you, whether SD is going to use them against you or not, perhaps, it would be nice to just spend some time loving on them and solidifying that this is what you really want, WHILE supporting your SO. Your & BM's SO's ultimatums are unacceptable and not fair to your SO's. The difference between them and you is that you can opt out-they cannot. This is their child.

SD is a kid herself who still needs to be cared for. This is on the adults in her life to figure out. Not just leave her and her babies in a hospital-that is completely absurd and incredibly sad regardless of whatever extracurricular antics are surrounding the situation.

Thumper's picture

Adoption would be the best option for these babies.

Shocking that social services within the hospital has NOT CAUGHT on to the issues inside this family.

The main focus IS the newborn twins and and the 15 year old who just gave birth. Again I say, I find it rather curious social services has not intervened. SOMEONE should be on the horn calling them to help with support and services to this new mother.

What a complete mess. Sad

ESMOD's picture

I'm surprised especially with the allegations of rape that should have come out when they asked for the "father" name.

Thumper's picture

Exactly ESMOD

PS no mention of charges against the 3 who raped her. 2. NO mention DNA testing to determine paternity 3. PATERNAL Grandparents are not mentioned. 4. Who paid for medical services for this 15 year old and 5. Since the twins have been born I know social services would want their hooks involved.

All unknowns...

Hope it works out ok. Dirol

mommadukes2015's picture

OH my goodness she was RAPED? At that resulted in these babies?

And this is the reaction? This can't be real life. Good golly.

Cooooookies's picture

Never mind. I really have nothing good to say about the 'adults' involved in all of this. SMDH.

twoviewpoints's picture

So is there an update? Have the SD and the twins been released and where did they go?

Has your DH went to pick up his daughter and grandbabies?

StepX2's picture

I truly am sorry for your infertility issues and the heartache that causes you.
Regardless, your husband’s flesh and blood child and grandchildren are in serious need of help right now. Considering this child is a young teen, she still needs plenty of parental guidance. This problem is not yours to solve and no one can fault you for you doing what you need to do to take care of yourself here.

Your husband, he has an obligation to his daughter regardless of their past history. He should be supported in this rather than having to fear banishment of his marriage hung over his head. I can't know what you're going through in your infertility struggles but it isn’t fair or right to use emotional blackmail to try and force your DH to make a decision that you favor.

Now for the babies and parentage. It is possible that each baby has a different father. Even if the babies are going to be adopted out, I hope the work is done to identify the father/fathers.