Dreary's picture

Sd is pregnant with twins at 15

Hi, I've been here a while but I've never needed to post. Sd lived mostly with bm up until this last weekend. Dh saw her when ever it was convenient to them. It's been like this since sd turned 13. He tried to fight it but it was only causing him stress and nothing would work out in his favor. We really only saw sd on the give me holidays. So, I guess bm noticed that her 15 yr old was pregnant and 5 months along to boot! Sd refused to put a bathing suit on over spring break and I guess bm decided to actually look at her daughter. Bm is a horrible parent who refuses to work and why should she when she has baby daddies galore. Sd learned from the best she just doesn't know who the daddy is. Oh yeah, a few people need to be tested because well, someone spiked her drink at a party and she woke up the next morning and she didn't even know she was raped. She thinks that is when it happened. Her mom took her to the dr wanting her to get an abortion. Sd refused to get one so bm dropped her at our house. Aren't we lucky. The kicker, I mean the kick you when you are down part, is that I am infertile. So sd is living in my house and going to have 2 babies while I sit her with an empty womb jealous of a 15 yr old!!!!!!!! Dh is being a wonderful husband to her. Making sure she has anything she craves and treating her like she is glass. I'm going to go blow my brains out now. Just kidding

Dreary's picture

I think there is something

I think there is something wrong with me because I am finding this all very comical right now. I know reality will hit but right now bm is going to be a grandma! She had sd when she was 16 so she is what 31 or 32?

hereiam's picture

Maybe you can adopt the

Maybe you can adopt the twins?

Ninji's picture

Yeah, I don't think I could

Yeah, I don't think I could do it. I remember I few years ago, SD got hit in the head with a video game controller and had 3 stitches. DH freaked out. He babied her for two weeks. It was sick. I couldn't imagine how he would be if she turned up pregnant on our door step. I have already told him that I refuse to raise anymore children that aren't mine.

We are here for you whenever you need to vent.

ETexasMom's picture

At least she won't have to

At least she won't have to watch long since no one noticed this kid was 5 months pregnant with twins!!! No idea why. Most women are huge by that time with twins.

Dreary's picture

I'm sure once bm realizes

I'm sure once bm realizes child support will stop she will collect sd in a hurry. I think that is why I am finding this so funny. Bm has 4 kids with 4 baby daddies all paying child support and she had all their first borns.

still learning's picture

DH may want to consult a

DH may want to consult a lawyer about this issue as he may end up paying support for SD's twins as well especially if the father is underage or out of the picture. She sounds way too young and immature to be a parent. Are there any plans for adopting them out?

And now I'll do what's best for me.

Journey1984's picture

In my state, if the boy is

In my state, if the boy is under age, the boy's parents could be held responsible for child support.

stepmomfromhell's picture

The the boys that she's in

The the boys that she's in contact with should all have DNA tests done. It shouldn't be too hard if SD cooperates.

princessmofo's picture

" It happens so often now

" It happens so often now with women lying that they no longer get the benefit of trust."

Wow. Jawdropping! And this statement is why so many women refuse to report ACTUAL rapes. Because the perpetrator is protected most often and the victim scrutinized. Shameful...

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

princessmofo's picture

Ok, well get back to me when

Ok, well get back to me when you have been raped. Have you ever had to sit in a police station and be scrutinized by a bunch of male officers asking you questions like, "Do you think you could have done anything to prevent the assault?" Question after question about what you could have done differently, not what the perpetrator did. When that day comes, and I pray it never does for you, let me know if you feel differently.

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

stepmomof1biomomof1's picture

Is she expecting you to raise

Is she expecting you to raise the babies?

Dreary's picture

I won't be raising them. I am

I won't be raising them. I am waiting for this to blow over and bm take her whoring kid back home. Can you believe she doesn't know who the daddy is. Dh is buying the rape story so I am just letting it be.

uofarkchick's picture

How unbelievably awful.

How unbelievably awful.

Dreary's picture

I am hoping bm comes and gets

I am hoping bm comes and gets her daughter once she calms down. I think she is more upset there is no child support coming her way for the 2 kids then about her dd being pregnant. Once she doesn't get May's child support check she will be banging on our door demanding sd back. Dh pays $2500 a month for sd. No way will she be okay losing her bill money.

TwoOfUs's picture

What? $2500 a month for ONE

What? $2500 a month for ONE kid??

Is this story for real?

TwoOfUs's picture

It sounds really unusual to

It sounds really unusual to me, good income or not. It also seems really strange that SD was 5 months along before BM noticed anything. Is the girl really fat?

**Edited to add - just FYI. In my state, I just ran the state calculator for 1 kid, dad making 12K a month, mom making 1K a month - support comes out to $1142. I would really hate to live in a state that takes 20% off the top no matter what.

twoviewpoints's picture

It just means OP's husband's

It just means OP's husband's salary is roughly $150,000 (if in my state) and not completely out of the realm of reality. 20% for one kid, doesn't matter if BM works or not and plenty of men and women earn $150,000 plus a year.

What I find harder to believe is that the OP seems to think just because BM dropped the teen off just a few days ago that Dad can just decide to stop paying the next due CS payment. What wishful thinking is that?

And for what's it's worth, Op's husband could not be CO to pay additional CS for the upcoming two grandkids. The biological father's parents could (if babies daddy is a minor)if he's identified , but not OP's husband (in my state), though he could have to continue to support his daughter as currently does. Also, a minor being pregnant (in my state) is not automatically an emancipation event. Nor ( as I saw suggested somewhere in this blog) can the parents of this teen demand she have her tubes tied after delivery....I'm a bit amazed at some of these suggestions/advice I've read throughout this blog.

If the blog is true, my advice is OP's husband speak with a lawyer in his state.

TwoOfUs's picture

Hmmm. The OP is totally

Hmmm. The OP is totally screwed.

If her DH is a high earner, he'll see no reason why he shouldn't take on these two darling grand-skids. I doubt OP will be able to convince him otherwise.

OP - I am so sorry. I am also a childless SM, and it is painful and basically the worst. Cruel and unusual punishment. I have 3 skids, 2 SDs. SD20 (stb21) and SD16 (stb17). The OSD is living out on her own with her very serious boyfriend who is over ten years older than her (I actually really like him). If it weren't for her terrible bulimia, I bet she'd be pregnant by now. I have often thought that if/when she gets pregnant, I'll move out. And she doesn't even live with me nor will she. I just don't think I can bear the thought of watching DH go all gooey over grandbabies while I don't even have children of my own. It's completely unnatural to have to watch your partner gush over grandchildren while you are dealing with the pain of childlessness. I love my DH, but I don't think I will stick around for that.

twoviewpoints's picture

So just send the teen back to

So just send the teen back to BM. Dad has been quite content to let BM and SD do what they please up until now, why swing your door open wide and get all involved now?

BM doesn't work, she has plenty of time to haul SD to appointments and hold SD's hand.

Dreary's picture

I can't and dh isn't going

I can't and dh isn't going to. I am 100% sure bm will be beating our door down once her May child support check doesn't come.

robin333's picture

First, it may not be that

First, it may not be that easy. DH can be held responsible for CS until it is revised by a court order. Check your state's laws. I learned this first hand. Another factor is that DH might have to pay more for CS to cover the twins- again, something to check.

Second, I am so sorry. If she stays, what is the plan? Adoption? There's no way in hell I would have 2 babies in my house if I wasn't the mother. Something to consider discussing with DH depending on the living situation.

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

DirtyDiane's picture

Her DH could be forced to pay

Her DH could be forced to pay extra child support for his grandchildren? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard.

Rags's picture

Sadly it can happen. But

Sadly it can happen. But since the BM booted the kid and dumped her on the BioDad he should get to court for a custody order and flip the CS tables on BM.

Or initiate legal emancipation proceedings against the kid.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

mtlbettie's picture

$2500 a month? She'll take

$2500 a month? She'll take her back in no time. The BM in my life wouldn't give up cs for anything and she only gets a fraction of that. BM must be so disappointed that her daughter won't be able to collect cs with an unknown daddy. I sure hope the rape story is a cover though...Good luck with everything. I can't imagine having to watch this happening.

Being a third wheel on a bicycle sucks.

WokeUpABug's picture

I am so so sorry. I struggled

I am so so sorry. I struggled with infertility for many years. This would make me crazy. What is your plan if BM does not come back for SD?

robin333's picture

How does that help OP?

How does that help OP? Suddenly a full timer of a pregnant SD? With twins, nonetheless.

It's a crappy situation but it isn't on OP to figure this out. BM and SD have minimized DH. Why is it now his problem and OP's by default?

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

Rags's picture

DH needs to nail BM for a

DH needs to nail BM for a monster amount of CS. He needs to get to court... get custody, and garnish BM's CS payments from the other baby daddies if that is her income source.

Better yet... force emancipation on the 15yo and let her learn to own her decisions.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

Rags's picture

I recommend emancipation

I recommend emancipation because being forced to step up tends to drive better decisioning in young people who struggle with making good decisions.

Though my wife was not legally forcibly emancipated she was also not allowed to live at home when she got pregnant at 16. Her parents were minimally helpful but if she was making adult decisions at 16 she could own them, deal with them, and live the consequences of those choices.

She went on to graduate with her HS class with honors, a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and became a successful CPA. Granted... the BS, MBA, and CPA were goals we set when we married but she did the work.

I understand that twins is a whole different level of consequence than just one out of wedlock baby as a teen parent but accountability should work none the less. This kid needs to learn and feel the pain of her decisions so she doesn't end up with countless more OOWL spawn in her brood.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

FieryEscape's picture

Nope . I wouldn't deal with a

Nope . I wouldn't deal with a pregnant skid in my house. SO could figure out some other living arrangements . I've made this known loud and clear to SO, who has 2 girls. Not my responsibility.

stepmomfromhell's picture

First off sorry about your

First off sorry about your inability to have any children and this horrible news that has been dropped in your lap. Barf! Jawdropping!

The only good thing I can see coming out of this is that you have to prove that the mother of the twins is unfit to care for her twins, and that you and your husband can adopt them once they are born, once you get home with the 2 babies, kick your SD out of your home, back to her BM, and get a restraining order against BM to protect the twins, and keep SD away from the babies, if you choose to adopt them.

Hope this turns out in your favour.

stepmomfromhell's picture

Very good point, there should

Very good point, there should be an investigation... Monsters like that shouldn't be roaming around free looking for another young victim to entrap in their sick version of what they think is entertainment. They diffenantly need to be removed off the street, and away from teen girls and young women.

stepmomfromhell's picture

Just went over the thread and

Just went over the thread and it was "Ninji" that would refuse to raise any children that aren't hers

stepmomfromhell's picture

That's Ok, I'm with her

That's Ok, I'm with her too.... She has a right to not want skid spawn around. Eye-wink

notasm3's picture

This sounds almost too weird

This sounds almost too weird to be true. Twins?

But the niece of my BFF left Los Angeles to go to school in the Northeast. She came home at the end of her freshman year pregnant with twins. This was an intact family who took the girl and the babies in. The BM was supported to earn her degree and master's.

It's been nothing but a total cluster f*** since. The BM eventually married a man who turned out to be a pedophile. More trauma. Divorce - of course.

The twins are now grown and are totally screwed up messes. No happy ending for anyone.

MAYBE if these children had been given up for adoption to a loving home they MIGHT have had a normal life.

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but rather the lighting of a fire." William Butler Yeats

stepmomfromhell's picture

The likelihood of twinning is

The likelihood of twinning is if there is a genetic predisposition to twinning, if you are close to your 40's, or if you are a teen.

Acratopotes's picture

5 months pregnant with twins

5 months pregnant with twins and BM did not notice Puzzled

I feel for you, but you can change this, get SD to sign the babies over to you and DH now, adopt both babies... then kick SD out... while she gives birth have her tubes tied as well or get her a BC implant, at least she will not have babies for the next 5 years,

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Acratopotes's picture

I would adopt them and get RO

Evil I would adopt them and get RO against SD and BM..... they will never have anything to do with the babies,
and if you raise them right... you will win..

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Acratopotes's picture

If the OP can't have

If the OP can't have children, there's no reason for her and DH not to adopt.... and SD will not be allowed close to the children... I really do not see a problem with this... but only if the OP wanted to.

I'm not sure if I would purely because I'm to old raising babies.

but I will also understand if OP does not want to have anything to do with this, like majority of SM's out there..

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Acratopotes's picture

but SD was never diagnosed

but SD was never diagnosed with any mental disorder, nor the BM....

it's simply a case of a wild teen girl doing what she wants because her parents never parented her....

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Tuff Noogies's picture

acra - " Her mom, sister and

acra - " Her mom, sister and she have all had serious mental health problems requiring lifelong medication and psych hospital stays. Skids have already shown traits. I don't doubt the youngest will have mental issues, And the oldest already has severe anxiety. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she was affected by severe depression which every single female in BM's immediate family is affected by."

maybe the skids haven't yet, but it's just a matter of time. she also says the bm hears voices. that's scary.

a girl i know is 12 yrs old. her father was diagnosed shortly after her birth with schizophrenia. this 12 yr old is already seeing shadows. they're not bad, nor good, they're just there. it's only a matter of time before the shadows take shape and then start talking to her. this girl has been under mental health care for several years now and is taking a few different types of meds. my heart goes out to her, she's going to have an incredibly difficult time as an adult.

"I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you try to f*ck over somebody I love. Then? I'm your worst f'ing nightmare." - Former.

Famuky is looming at me ark.

"His eyes said different though...."

stepmomfromhell's picture

That's exactly what I would

That's exactly what I would do, and if it was possible sell the house and move without a forwarding address. Plus if I were to adopt the twins, it would be a closed adoption, so the children would never know who their bio mom is.

notarelative's picture

This child is 15. What is the

This child is 15. What is the age of consent in your area? She's five months pregnant. Was she 14 or 15 when this happened? Here the doctor and/ or the hospital, if she is under the legal age of consent, as mandated reporters, would have to report the pregnancy to Children's Services.

DH's first action should be to get this child to an obstetrician. She needs prenatal care. Second should be to get himself to a lawyer. He needs to legally stop child support if child stays with him, and find out what services are legally available for the daughter and the children.

Dreary's picture

She has an appointment next

She has an appointment next week to see the obstetrician on my insurance. I'm so pissed but I can't drop her till next enrollment period. Dh is co-ed to provide health insurance for her but mine was better with lower co-pays and deductibles so I have the family plan. I told dh it is killing me that my insurance will be paying for her to have her little bastards. She was 15 and social services is involved on bms end. We've spoken with them but we aren't being investigated like her, they just need to make sure our home is safe which it is.

Dreary's picture

I would feel like shit and do

I would feel like shit and do whatever I could to help her through it. I already asked her if she wanted to file a police report but she said no. I asked if she wanted to meet with a counselor to help her through this and she said through what? I said your rape and she rolled her eyes. The only time she mentions she was raped is when someone asks about baby daddy and she has 3 guys she wants tested. I bet if dh talked to their parents the story would be different than what she is saying. I have encouraged dh to go talk to the parents after the baby is born but he won't commit to doing that.

notarelative's picture

If she or the babies need any

If she or the babies need any kind of government support they will ask her to name the birth father. When she names three as possible the court will take care of finding the father. (here that's what happens)

DH needs to consult a lawyer. My guess is that the lawyer would tell him to stay away from the boys and their parents.

princessmofo's picture

Nope, nope, nope. I would

Nope, nope, nope. I would have packed my bags and been gone. Not your monkey, not your circus. Save yourself, woman.

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

Dreary's picture

About her being 5 months

About her being 5 months pregnant and bm not knowing. It isn't noticeable unless you look at your child. Bm doesn't do that and sd was treated as an adult with no rules. Dh contacted an attorney to file for emergency custody and to stop child support yesterday. Lets see how long till bm is banging on our door.

twoviewpoints's picture

So, are you saying that if BM

So, are you saying that if BM "bangs on the door", Dad will just hand the teen back to her?

If your Dh has already taken some action to keep his daughter with him, it doesn't sound as if he's backing out even if BM comes running to try and collect the teen ...the decision as it pertains to you is whether or not you intend to stay with your husband and his new instant household.

Dad can't force the teen to adopt out the babies and you state you are unprepared to allow SD and soon her babies to coexist with you personally.

What are your (not teen or DH's) next steps that you plan to take?

Dreary's picture

Bm has custody so he would

Bm has custody so he would have to give her back. Isn't that what the police will say?

twoviewpoints's picture

You said Dad was filing

You said Dad was filing emergency custody. Meaning a sped up process for emergency reasons. You also have said DCFS is investigating BM now...so why would BM knocking on your door automatically mean police make Dad hand kid back? What did Dad's lawyer advise DH?

Dreary's picture

Isn't that what the police

Isn't that what the police do? I'm ignorant in child custody laws so please excuse me if I misspeak. I don't know what the attorney said other than dh saying they were going to file for emergency custody and I said make sure you stop child support and he said he was.

notarelative's picture

BM may not have just dropped

BM may not have just dropped off the daughter. If social services was at BM's house, the drop off may not have been voluntary. BM may not be able to just take her back at will.

Goodluck's picture

I call crew, What say

I call crew, What say everyone?

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

StepX2's picture

Unless he already had an

Unless he already had an attorney.

"It is impossible for anyone to learn what they think they already know". - Epictetus