Dreary's picture

Sd is pregnant with twins at 15

Hi, I've been here a while but I've never needed to post. Sd lived mostly with bm up until this last weekend. Dh saw her when ever it was convenient to them. It's been like this since sd turned 13. He tried to fight it but it was only causing him stress and nothing would work out in his favor. We really only saw sd on the give me holidays. So, I guess bm noticed that her 15 yr old was pregnant and 5 months along to boot! Sd refused to put a bathing suit on over spring break and I guess bm decided to actually look at her daughter. Bm is a horrible parent who refuses to work and why should she when she has baby daddies galore. Sd learned from the best she just doesn't know who the daddy is. Oh yeah, a few people need to be tested because well, someone spiked her drink at a party and she woke up the next morning and she didn't even know she was raped. She thinks that is when it happened. Her mom took her to the dr wanting her to get an abortion. Sd refused to get one so bm dropped her at our house. Aren't we lucky. The kicker, I mean the kick you when you are down part, is that I am infertile. So sd is living in my house and going to have 2 babies while I sit her with an empty womb jealous of a 15 yr old!!!!!!!! Dh is being a wonderful husband to her. Making sure she has anything she craves and treating her like she is glass. I'm going to go blow my brains out now. Just kidding

Clevergirlfriend99's picture

I'm sorry honey, but that

I'm sorry honey, but that would just about put me over the edge. I would be inconsolable in your situation and I would resent every stinking minute of it.

Dreary's picture

I think there is something

I think there is something wrong with me because I am finding this all very comical right now. I know reality will hit but right now bm is going to be a grandma! She had sd when she was 16 so she is what 31 or 32?

hereiam's picture

Maybe you can adopt the

Maybe you can adopt the twins?

Ninji's picture

Yeah, I don't think I could

Yeah, I don't think I could do it. I remember I few years ago, SD got hit in the head with a video game controller and had 3 stitches. DH freaked out. He babied her for two weeks. It was sick. I couldn't imagine how he would be if she turned up pregnant on our door step. I have already told him that I refuse to raise anymore children that aren't mine.

We are here for you whenever you need to vent.

anotherstep2's picture

Wait - you are unable to have

Wait - you are unable to have a child but you are going to have to watch a 15 year old grow large with twins and then have the infants living with you turning your house into "baby central?" I don't believe for a second that you are just joking about being ready to blow your brains out. Being an infertile woman myself, I am not sure if I would be suicidal or homicidal but I would need to get out of there before something tragic occurred.

Expecting you to simply accept this situation is nothing short of inhumane. If you can not get your H to understand what this is going to do to you, please take care of your mental health and get the hell out of dodge into your own place. No - you do not "owe it to your H to stand by him in this difficult time." This is simply a bridge too far and you are going to end up in a rubber room. One of you has to go.

ETexasMom's picture

At least she won't have to

At least she won't have to watch long since no one noticed this kid was 5 months pregnant with twins!!! No idea why. Most women are huge by that time with twins.

Dreary's picture

I'm sure once bm realizes

I'm sure once bm realizes child support will stop she will collect sd in a hurry. I think that is why I am finding this so funny. Bm has 4 kids with 4 baby daddies all paying child support and she had all their first borns.

still learning's picture

DH may want to consult a

DH may want to consult a lawyer about this issue as he may end up paying support for SD's twins as well especially if the father is underage or out of the picture. She sounds way too young and immature to be a parent. Are there any plans for adopting them out?

—

And now I'll do what's best for me.

Journey1984's picture

In my state, if the boy is

In my state, if the boy is under age, the boy's parents could be held responsible for child support.

HRNYC's picture

Unfortunately, they are going

Unfortunately, they are going to have find the father first.

sanecatlady's picture

I had a different comment

I had a different comment here.

Then I realized the girl could have been raped. Someone needs to hold someone responsible, especially if she was drugged.

stepmomfromhell's picture

The the boys that she's in

The the boys that she's in contact with should all have DNA tests done. It shouldn't be too hard if SD cooperates.

anotherstep2's picture

There needs to be probable

There needs to be probable cause to obtain a warrant to force a DNA test on anyone. It is considered a "taking" under the 4th Amendment. If the girl had reported a rape at the time, there would have been cause. Now it is going to take more than her word and handing over a list of every single male who was at the party. What would you say if someone started demanding a DNA test of your minor son accusing them of rape and fathering twins? "Hell no" and "Lawyer NOW" springs to mind.

HeavenLike's picture

That would have been my

That would have been my reaction whether it is the next day or the next year.

If she was raped, and the fact of the babies stands for itself, that is absolutely horrifying to think there would be no justice for her or the children because it wasn't reported at the time.

Talk about blame the victim.

anotherstep2's picture

It is NOT blame the victim.

It is NOT blame the victim. If someone does not report a crime until evidence is uncollectable, witnesses are unavailable or unidentifiable, and everyone's memory has faded, what exactly is law enforcement supposed to do??? The fact that she is pregnant hardly means she was raped. Unless she can give a more detailed accounting or bring forward a friend who was there and can do it for her to give the police ANYTHING to go on, exactly HOW do you suggest that she receive "justice?"

Lashy's picture

What about justice for the

What about justice for the boys she had sex with and then accused of rape? Where is their justice huh? It happens so often now with women lying that they no longer get the benefit of trust.

princessmofo's picture

" It happens so often now

" It happens so often now with women lying that they no longer get the benefit of trust."

Wow. Jawdropping! And this statement is why so many women refuse to report ACTUAL rapes. Because the perpetrator is protected most often and the victim scrutinized. Shameful...

—

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

Lashy's picture

It isn't shameful but a sign

It isn't shameful but a sign of the times. What do you say to the men who have had their lives ruined from having consensual sex and the chick changes her mind the next day and claims date rape? Sorry but women caused themselves to no longer be believed from just word of mouth. There now needs to be evidence.

princessmofo's picture

Ok, well get back to me when

Ok, well get back to me when you have been raped. Have you ever had to sit in a police station and be scrutinized by a bunch of male officers asking you questions like, "Do you think you could have done anything to prevent the assault?" Question after question about what you could have done differently, not what the perpetrator did. When that day comes, and I pray it never does for you, let me know if you feel differently.

—

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

Lashy's picture

Ok, well get back to me after

Ok, well get back to me after you have been accused of rape after a consequential encounter. After your reputation has been ruined and people are afraid of you. Come back and tell me what life is like when family won't let you near their dd's because once accused you are guilty no matter what. Tell me how each woman must be believed.

lucy91's picture

You are equating being raped

You are equating being raped with being falsely accused. What a joke.

You realize false accusations are extremely rare while rape affects countless women everyday right?

Lashy's picture

Yes. Being falsely accused is

Yes. Being falsely accused is as life altering as being raped. I'm not saying a woman should be disbelieved but that there needs to be proof. Enough proof that the guys life isn't ruined because a 15 yr old hoes it up at a party and then gets pregnant, scared and embarrassed.

LadyFace's picture

When one in five guys is

When one in five guys is falsely accused of rape, you can be equivocal.

—

Keep on keepin' on!

anotherstep2's picture

It is all well and good to

It is all well and good to talk about false accusations in a THEORETICAL context but a woman who has actually been raped is not interested in statistics, theory, and anecdotal evidence of what happened to some guy you know. You just shut up and tell her that you are so sorry for her pain. Period.

stepmomof1biomomof1's picture

Is she expecting you to raise

Is she expecting you to raise the babies?

Dreary's picture

I won't be raising them. I am

I won't be raising them. I am waiting for this to blow over and bm take her whoring kid back home. Can you believe she doesn't know who the daddy is. Dh is buying the rape story so I am just letting it be.

uofarkchick's picture

How unbelievably awful.

How unbelievably awful.

Diminished's picture

This must be so hard for you.

This must be so hard for you. To watch, live, and experience this would be beyond painful. I agree with what anotherstep2 said. Someone has got to go. This is not good for your mental health.

—

"Never underestimate the recipe of Millennial and Stepdaughter...special princess on the outside, plotting wolverine on the inside" -StepAside

"He has the right to see the kids. You have a right to peace"(topic Disengagement) -SacrificialLamb

Dreary's picture

I am hoping bm comes and gets

I am hoping bm comes and gets her daughter once she calms down. I think she is more upset there is no child support coming her way for the 2 kids then about her dd being pregnant. Once she doesn't get May's child support check she will be banging on our door demanding sd back. Dh pays $2500 a month for sd. No way will she be okay losing her bill money.

TwoOfUs's picture

What? $2500 a month for ONE

What? $2500 a month for ONE kid??

Is this story for real?

anotherstep2's picture

Not unusual if he has a good

Not unusual if he has a good income, BM does not work, and he did not have an aggressive atty. Or if he decided to do the "I will be a nice guy and that will make everything OK in the end" routine and do a voluntary agreement at the split thinking that will make for a smooth custody relationship. Because that always works.....(eyeroll)

TwoOfUs's picture

It sounds really unusual to

It sounds really unusual to me, good income or not. It also seems really strange that SD was 5 months along before BM noticed anything. Is the girl really fat?

**Edited to add - just FYI. In my state, I just ran the state calculator for 1 kid, dad making 12K a month, mom making 1K a month - support comes out to $1142. I would really hate to live in a state that takes 20% off the top no matter what.

FruitSalad704's picture

I think just about all of us

I think just about all of us have read stories about teenage girls who were able to conceal pregnancies by wearing bulky clothes, etc. Of course, 5 months along with twins would be pretty dang hard to hide no matter what.

—

More cowbell. We need more cowbell.

Never push a crazy bitch to the point where she no longer fears her actions.

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.

twoviewpoints's picture

It just means OP's husband's

It just means OP's husband's salary is roughly $150,000 (if in my state) and not completely out of the realm of reality. 20% for one kid, doesn't matter if BM works or not and plenty of men and women earn $150,000 plus a year.

What I find harder to believe is that the OP seems to think just because BM dropped the teen off just a few days ago that Dad can just decide to stop paying the next due CS payment. What wishful thinking is that?

And for what's it's worth, Op's husband could not be CO to pay additional CS for the upcoming two grandkids. The biological father's parents could (if babies daddy is a minor)if he's identified , but not OP's husband (in my state), though he could have to continue to support his daughter as currently does. Also, a minor being pregnant (in my state) is not automatically an emancipation event. Nor ( as I saw suggested somewhere in this blog) can the parents of this teen demand she have her tubes tied after delivery....I'm a bit amazed at some of these suggestions/advice I've read throughout this blog.

If the blog is true, my advice is OP's husband speak with a lawyer in his state.

TwoOfUs's picture

Hmmm. The OP is totally

Hmmm. The OP is totally screwed.

If her DH is a high earner, he'll see no reason why he shouldn't take on these two darling grand-skids. I doubt OP will be able to convince him otherwise.

OP - I am so sorry. I am also a childless SM, and it is painful and basically the worst. Cruel and unusual punishment. I have 3 skids, 2 SDs. SD20 (stb21) and SD16 (stb17). The OSD is living out on her own with her very serious boyfriend who is over ten years older than her (I actually really like him). If it weren't for her terrible bulimia, I bet she'd be pregnant by now. I have often thought that if/when she gets pregnant, I'll move out. And she doesn't even live with me nor will she. I just don't think I can bear the thought of watching DH go all gooey over grandbabies while I don't even have children of my own. It's completely unnatural to have to watch your partner gush over grandchildren while you are dealing with the pain of childlessness. I love my DH, but I don't think I will stick around for that.

HRNYC's picture

I am so sorry. Please take

I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself.f

twoviewpoints's picture

So just send the teen back to

So just send the teen back to BM. Dad has been quite content to let BM and SD do what they please up until now, why swing your door open wide and get all involved now?

BM doesn't work, she has plenty of time to haul SD to appointments and hold SD's hand.

Dreary's picture

I can't and dh isn't going

I can't and dh isn't going to. I am 100% sure bm will be beating our door down once her May child support check doesn't come.

robin333's picture

First, it may not be that

First, it may not be that easy. DH can be held responsible for CS until it is revised by a court order. Check your state's laws. I learned this first hand. Another factor is that DH might have to pay more for CS to cover the twins- again, something to check.

Second, I am so sorry. If she stays, what is the plan? Adoption? There's no way in hell I would have 2 babies in my house if I wasn't the mother. Something to consider discussing with DH depending on the living situation.

—

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

anotherstep2's picture

Robin is very right. Your DH

Robin is very right. Your DH can not just decide not to send the CS check. Please have him check with an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction both about withholding support and the very real possibility of support being increased to cover the minor children of the minor child as there is no (as yet) identified father.

DirtyDiane's picture

Her DH could be forced to pay

Her DH could be forced to pay extra child support for his grandchildren? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard.

anotherstep2's picture

Yup. Every state is

Yup. Every state is different but in mine a minor child who is the subject of a Child Support Order that bears a minor child of their own - and there is no identified father to obtain a separate Order from - can have their support obligation increased to account for the added expenses of the household. Essentially as if the child was diagnosed with a disability that increased their costs. The good thing is that it does not increase the length of the Order and it terminates at the normal time.

Rags's picture

Sadly it can happen. But

Sadly it can happen. But since the BM booted the kid and dumped her on the BioDad he should get to court for a custody order and flip the CS tables on BM.

Or initiate legal emancipation proceedings against the kid.

—

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

Justkeepsteppin's picture

skids moved in with us 10

skids moved in with us 10 weeks before he was granted custody. He let the CS office know that skids were living with us and they stopped child support. He paid an extra half month that he couldn't get back, but didn't have to pay anymore to BM.

—

Hey, look. "Es-ca-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape."

mtlbettie's picture

$2500 a month? She'll take

$2500 a month? She'll take her back in no time. The BM in my life wouldn't give up cs for anything and she only gets a fraction of that. BM must be so disappointed that her daughter won't be able to collect cs with an unknown daddy. I sure hope the rape story is a cover though...Good luck with everything. I can't imagine having to watch this happening.

—

Being a third wheel on a bicycle sucks.

WokeUpABug's picture

I am so so sorry. I struggled

I am so so sorry. I struggled with infertility for many years. This would make me crazy. What is your plan if BM does not come back for SD?

Justkeepsteppin's picture

Her DH should file for

Her DH should file for emergency custody and state the reason being BM kicked SD out.

—

Hey, look. "Es-ca-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape."

anotherstep2's picture

Only if he wants to lose his

Only if he wants to lose his wife. Someone who has not struggled with infertility may not fully understand the vortex of hell it would be to live with a pregnant teen and then her infants. Some people may say "but he has no choice." Fine. Up to him. But no way could an infertile woman maintain her sanity in that situation. That is "rather live in a cardboard box under the overpass" time.

robin333's picture

How does that help OP?

How does that help OP? Suddenly a full timer of a pregnant SD? With twins, nonetheless.

It's a crappy situation but it isn't on OP to figure this out. BM and SD have minimized DH. Why is it now his problem and OP's by default?

—

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

Justkeepsteppin's picture

If her DH goes to file BM

If her DH goes to file BM will freak out and take SD back. In my state you don't even need an attorney to file for emergency custody.

—

Hey, look. "Es-ca-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape."

Rags's picture

DH needs to nail BM for a

DH needs to nail BM for a monster amount of CS. He needs to get to court... get custody, and garnish BM's CS payments from the other baby daddies if that is her income source.

Better yet... force emancipation on the 15yo and let her learn to own her decisions.

—

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

Justkeepsteppin's picture

"Better yet... force

"Better yet... force emancipation on the 15yo and let her learn to own her decisions."

I second this!

—

Hey, look. "Es-ca-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape."

SuperJew's picture

I agree too. I thought having

I agree too. I thought having a kid was an emancipation event.

—

"u ashole u think ur new condo is so great..." -Medusa via WOB

sanecatlady's picture

Right?! Not cause for more

Right?! Not cause for more child support. I just can't even with that.... Ugh sounds like something in NYS.

anotherstep2's picture

The choice is to make the

The choice is to make the parent pay or have them go on public assistance and have the cost absorbed by the taxpayers. So the burden is put on the parent.

sanecatlady's picture

Either option really isn't

Either option really isn't the best, it would just be unfortunate for the CS to be raised for x amount of years and not go to the intended cause. I see no issue with parents helping their child through something like this outside of the child support factor, of course.

This is a doozy of a situation all around.

anotherstep2's picture

My serious concern is that

My serious concern is that the expenses are going to be much greater than the average. We are talking about a 15 year old carrying twins with no pre-natal care who we already know "parties" and more likely than not has both continued to party and eat like a typical teen. Clearly she has not been benefiting from any sort of normal maternal care and concern if the BM failed to notice that she was pregnant - with twins - until she hit 5 months! The potential for long-term damage to the fetuses and to the girl's own body is significant.

sanecatlady's picture

You are so right. The

You are so right. The standard checkups weren't there to see any abnormalities especially being so young.... Preclamsia and gestational diabetes comes to mind or the babies having issues Sad

When I worked in the ER years ago, we had ladies come in with no prenatal care and have 100% healthy babies. It would shock me to no end when I would ask the standard questions and they would say no to most items.

Tarabithashiqua's picture

It was definitely an

It was definitely an automatic emancipation even for Floridians back in my day.

—

Honesty without compassion is hostility

Rags's picture

I recommend emancipation

I recommend emancipation because being forced to step up tends to drive better decisioning in young people who struggle with making good decisions.

Though my wife was not legally forcibly emancipated she was also not allowed to live at home when she got pregnant at 16. Her parents were minimally helpful but if she was making adult decisions at 16 she could own them, deal with them, and live the consequences of those choices.

She went on to graduate with her HS class with honors, a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and became a successful CPA. Granted... the BS, MBA, and CPA were goals we set when we married but she did the work.

I understand that twins is a whole different level of consequence than just one out of wedlock baby as a teen parent but accountability should work none the less. This kid needs to learn and feel the pain of her decisions so she doesn't end up with countless more OOWL spawn in her brood.

—

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

babybugged's picture

DH needs to file an emergency

DH needs to file an emergency custody order granting him custody of his DD and terminating child support. The basis for the emergency order can be the need to provide pre-natal care for the babies.

Will SD adopt out the children?

—

Babybugged

FieryEscape's picture

Nope . I wouldn't deal with a

Nope . I wouldn't deal with a pregnant skid in my house. SO could figure out some other living arrangements . I've made this known loud and clear to SO, who has 2 girls. Not my responsibility.

stepmomfromhell's picture

First off sorry about your

First off sorry about your inability to have any children and this horrible news that has been dropped in your lap. Barf! Jawdropping!

The only good thing I can see coming out of this is that you have to prove that the mother of the twins is unfit to care for her twins, and that you and your husband can adopt them once they are born, once you get home with the 2 babies, kick your SD out of your home, back to her BM, and get a restraining order against BM to protect the twins, and keep SD away from the babies, if you choose to adopt them.

Hope this turns out in your favour.

Ghost Flower's picture

The OP has already expressed

The OP has already expressed she doesn't want to raise any more kids that aren't hers - so although the twins should probably be adopted out, OP doesn't sound like she is willing or wants to do it, and frankly I would feel the same.
I do find worrisome that no one is getting this kid any help. Yes, skids lie and I don't know this particular skid. But let's say for the sake of argument that she WAS drugged and sexually assaulted -shouldn't BM and DH take her to the police to investigate and press charges against the perpetrators? This is a 15 year old child.
That is what concerns me, everybody seems to be glossing over that part.

—

"I really think the witch in Hansel and Gretel was just misunderstood. She builds her dream house, and then these kids come along and start eating it!" ~ Miranda, "Sex and the City"

stepmomfromhell's picture

Very good point, there should

Very good point, there should be an investigation... Monsters like that shouldn't be roaming around free looking for another young victim to entrap in their sick version of what they think is entertainment. They diffenantly need to be removed off the street, and away from teen girls and young women.

stepmomfromhell's picture

Just went over the thread and

Just went over the thread and it was "Ninji" that would refuse to raise any children that aren't hers

Ghost Flower's picture

Well, I'm with Ninji then )

Well, I'm with Ninji then Shocked)

—

"I really think the witch in Hansel and Gretel was just misunderstood. She builds her dream house, and then these kids come along and start eating it!" ~ Miranda, "Sex and the City"

stepmomfromhell's picture

That's Ok, I'm with her

That's Ok, I'm with her too.... She has a right to not want skid spawn around. Eye-wink

HRNYC's picture

Yes, agreed they should.

Yes, agreed they should.

Lashy's picture

You can't steal someone's

You can't steal someone's children just because they are a teenager. Forget the legal aspects that is just wrong!!

anotherstep2's picture

Relax - the OP has no

Relax - the OP has no intention of raising these children.

notasm3's picture

This sounds almost too weird

This sounds almost too weird to be true. Twins?

But the niece of my BFF left Los Angeles to go to school in the Northeast. She came home at the end of her freshman year pregnant with twins. This was an intact family who took the girl and the babies in. The BM was supported to earn her degree and master's.

It's been nothing but a total cluster f*** since. The BM eventually married a man who turned out to be a pedophile. More trauma. Divorce - of course.

The twins are now grown and are totally screwed up messes. No happy ending for anyone.

MAYBE if these children had been given up for adoption to a loving home they MIGHT have had a normal life.

—

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but rather the lighting of a fire." William Butler Yeats

stepmomfromhell's picture

The likelihood of twinning is

The likelihood of twinning is if there is a genetic predisposition to twinning, if you are close to your 40's, or if you are a teen.

Acratopotes's picture

5 months pregnant with twins

5 months pregnant with twins and BM did not notice Puzzled

I feel for you, but you can change this, get SD to sign the babies over to you and DH now, adopt both babies... then kick SD out... while she gives birth have her tubes tied as well or get her a BC implant, at least she will not have babies for the next 5 years,

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

DanielleR's picture

I would never raise skid

I would never raise skid spawn, hell no. I wouldn't want to be forced to deal with those genetics any more than I have had to already. Yeah, I realize a portion is DH I guess....they look exactly like their crazy ass momma, I am sure their kids will highly resemblance them eventually (very prominent features). No, I would not willingly sign up to stare at BM's face for 18 years. The BM also has VERY genetic mental issues. Her mom, sister and she have all had serious mental health problems requiring lifelong medication and psych hospital stays. Skids have already shown traits. I don't doubt the youngest will have mental issues, And the oldest already has severe anxiety. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she was affected by severe depression which every single female in BM's immediate family is affected by. The serious mental issues haven't been diluted out yet, I really doubt skid spawn would not be affected also.

No, no, hell no. If I wanted to go the unrelated child route I would adopt a little Asian girl. At least there would be some chance she wouldn't have the crazy gene. With skid spawn it would be a cold chance in hell that he/she would be normal. The odds are heavily against it. If I won't deal with my own mother's mental health issues (she says everyone else has issues, it isnt her) then I won't even begin to deal with BM, skids' and potential skid spawn's mental health issues. DH already knows if skids show up hearing voices like their crazy f'ing momma, I want no part of all that nonsense. I had enough of that crap growing up, my house will not become a source of stress, no man is worth that. Some other bleeding heart can take them in and complain about how mean I am. I pay my dues to society, volunteer, give to charity etc. my home will not become a nut house.

Acratopotes's picture

I would adopt them and get RO

Evil I would adopt them and get RO against SD and BM..... they will never have anything to do with the babies,
and if you raise them right... you will win..

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

HeavenLike's picture

Surely you jest. That's a

Surely you jest. That's a nightmare situation all the way around. OP cannot have her own children but adopt SD's twins so that SD can forever have that over her head?

Heck NO.

If SD was really raped, the best thing for those babies is to be adopted out to someone unrelated and far away.

Acratopotes's picture

If the OP can't have

If the OP can't have children, there's no reason for her and DH not to adopt.... and SD will not be allowed close to the children... I really do not see a problem with this... but only if the OP wanted to.

I'm not sure if I would purely because I'm to old raising babies.

but I will also understand if OP does not want to have anything to do with this, like majority of SM's out there..

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

HeavenLike's picture

SD is not going to go away.

SD is not going to go away. And you know, if she wanted to or got angry enough, she'll start hurling the "I'm the real mother" comments.

Ok? The father is not going to give up SD for the twins. That makes this a huge potential nightmare situation for OP.

DanielleR's picture

Genetics would be a huge

Genetics would be a huge reason not to adopt a kid. I treat people with mental illness every day. With the truly sick, no amount of love and nurture can help them overcome their crappy genetics. A few of them are insanely smart too.

anotherstep2's picture

I have to co-sign this. You

I have to co-sign this. You simply can NOT discount genetics. I used to believe that "nurture" topped "nature" until I met my half-sister last year and my aunts 2 years ago. The similarities in everything from what we find funny to our politics are uncanny. Nature always wins out.

Acratopotes's picture

but SD was never diagnosed

but SD was never diagnosed with any mental disorder, nor the BM....

it's simply a case of a wild teen girl doing what she wants because her parents never parented her....

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Tuff Noogies's picture

acra - " Her mom, sister and

acra - " Her mom, sister and she have all had serious mental health problems requiring lifelong medication and psych hospital stays. Skids have already shown traits. I don't doubt the youngest will have mental issues, And the oldest already has severe anxiety. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she was affected by severe depression which every single female in BM's immediate family is affected by."

maybe the skids haven't yet, but it's just a matter of time. she also says the bm hears voices. that's scary.

a girl i know is 12 yrs old. her father was diagnosed shortly after her birth with schizophrenia. this 12 yr old is already seeing shadows. they're not bad, nor good, they're just there. it's only a matter of time before the shadows take shape and then start talking to her. this girl has been under mental health care for several years now and is taking a few different types of meds. my heart goes out to her, she's going to have an incredibly difficult time as an adult.

—

"I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you try to f*ck over somebody I love. Then? I'm your worst f'ing nightmare." - Former.

Famuky is looming at me ark.

"His eyes said different though...."

FruitSalad704's picture

"... if you raise them

"... if you raise them right... you will win.."

I'm not so sure about that. I'm firm believer in nature versus nurture. Besides, if I were the OP I wouldn't want those children anywhere near me.

—

More cowbell. We need more cowbell.

Never push a crazy bitch to the point where she no longer fears her actions.

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.

stepmomfromhell's picture

That's exactly what I would

That's exactly what I would do, and if it was possible sell the house and move without a forwarding address. Plus if I were to adopt the twins, it would be a closed adoption, so the children would never know who their bio mom is.

notarelative's picture

This child is 15. What is the

This child is 15. What is the age of consent in your area? She's five months pregnant. Was she 14 or 15 when this happened? Here the doctor and/ or the hospital, if she is under the legal age of consent, as mandated reporters, would have to report the pregnancy to Children's Services.

DH's first action should be to get this child to an obstetrician. She needs prenatal care. Second should be to get himself to a lawyer. He needs to legally stop child support if child stays with him, and find out what services are legally available for the daughter and the children.

Dreary's picture

She has an appointment next

She has an appointment next week to see the obstetrician on my insurance. I'm so pissed but I can't drop her till next enrollment period. Dh is co-ed to provide health insurance for her but mine was better with lower co-pays and deductibles so I have the family plan. I told dh it is killing me that my insurance will be paying for her to have her little bastards. She was 15 and social services is involved on bms end. We've spoken with them but we aren't being investigated like her, they just need to make sure our home is safe which it is.

lucy91's picture

I'm sorry but you are just

I'm sorry but you are just automatically assuming that she is lying. What if she was raped?

Dreary's picture

I would feel like shit and do

I would feel like shit and do whatever I could to help her through it. I already asked her if she wanted to file a police report but she said no. I asked if she wanted to meet with a counselor to help her through this and she said through what? I said your rape and she rolled her eyes. The only time she mentions she was raped is when someone asks about baby daddy and she has 3 guys she wants tested. I bet if dh talked to their parents the story would be different than what she is saying. I have encouraged dh to go talk to the parents after the baby is born but he won't commit to doing that.

notarelative's picture

If she or the babies need any

If she or the babies need any kind of government support they will ask her to name the birth father. When she names three as possible the court will take care of finding the father. (here that's what happens)

DH needs to consult a lawyer. My guess is that the lawyer would tell him to stay away from the boys and their parents.

princessmofo's picture

Nope, nope, nope. I would

Nope, nope, nope. I would have packed my bags and been gone. Not your monkey, not your circus. Save yourself, woman.

—

"Sometimes I think of something so inappropriate and wrong that my little black heart skips a beat with delight."

Dreary's picture

About her being 5 months

About her being 5 months pregnant and bm not knowing. It isn't noticeable unless you look at your child. Bm doesn't do that and sd was treated as an adult with no rules. Dh contacted an attorney to file for emergency custody and to stop child support yesterday. Lets see how long till bm is banging on our door.

twoviewpoints's picture

So, are you saying that if BM

So, are you saying that if BM "bangs on the door", Dad will just hand the teen back to her?

If your Dh has already taken some action to keep his daughter with him, it doesn't sound as if he's backing out even if BM comes running to try and collect the teen ...the decision as it pertains to you is whether or not you intend to stay with your husband and his new instant household.

Dad can't force the teen to adopt out the babies and you state you are unprepared to allow SD and soon her babies to coexist with you personally.

What are your (not teen or DH's) next steps that you plan to take?

Dreary's picture

Bm has custody so he would

Bm has custody so he would have to give her back. Isn't that what the police will say?

twoviewpoints's picture

You said Dad was filing

You said Dad was filing emergency custody. Meaning a sped up process for emergency reasons. You also have said DCFS is investigating BM now...so why would BM knocking on your door automatically mean police make Dad hand kid back? What did Dad's lawyer advise DH?

Dreary's picture

Isn't that what the police

Isn't that what the police do? I'm ignorant in child custody laws so please excuse me if I misspeak. I don't know what the attorney said other than dh saying they were going to file for emergency custody and I said make sure you stop child support and he said he was.

notarelative's picture

BM may not have just dropped

BM may not have just dropped off the daughter. If social services was at BM's house, the drop off may not have been voluntary. BM may not be able to just take her back at will.

Anonymama's picture

I would DIE if my daughter

I would DIE if my daughter gets pregnant at only 15. I would be a huge failure of a parent. Thought of it makes me sick. BM is a piece of sh!t.

Anonymama's picture

Hey long ago a 15 yr old got

Hey long ago a 15 yr old got knocked up at my HS and dumped the kid on her mother so the 15 yr old could go out partying.

Get out now while you still can. Get a bunch of cash, find a place to live and bolt.

Goodluck's picture

I call crew, What say

I call crew, What say everyone?

—

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called β€œparental alienation”.

babybugged's picture

I was skeptical but giving

I was skeptical but giving her the benefit of the doubt until she said her DH "filed for emergency custody" that day. Yeah right. First he has to find an attorney, then the attorney has to get ALL the facts and draft a motion. Then the attorney has to file the emergency motion. That doesn't happen in 30 minutes.

—

Babybugged