I agree and this is my problem with it all. I don't want him to get hurt - maybe he wouldn't, but he's "joked" around with me before about the crappy Christmas and Birthday presents they get him compared to what they get their mom...which we know about because they get excited and tell us all about it. They plan for her...pool their resources to get nice stuff for her, etc. Then they come to us when they need stuff.

Anyway, maybe they think that if they do the inviting I'll make them pay? I can't figure it out. In general, they all have a good relationship with their dad...so maybe this just isn't their thing with him.

SS did invite DH on a trip with him to visit the college program he's registered for...which is probably the best Father's Day present he could have given him...so I'll focus on that and try not to think about the fact that SS maybe just invited him so Daddeee will whip out our card for gas and meals...

Must. Not. Get. Cynical.

Yes...that's exactly it. I don't want him to be hurt.

I remember one year, for his birthday, I helped the skids buy him presents based on some things I'd picked up on him needing/wanting. Ordered it all from Amazon...they helped wrap. They weren't as old then as they are now...but still old enough to pick out presents themselves.

Apparently, it was very obvious that all of the ideas were mine and that I'd done the bulk of the lifting...and DH's feelings were hurt that his kids couldn't be bothered to think of anything for him.

I guess that's my dilemma in a nutshell. It's not that the gifts they get him are crappy...he doesn't care about the money. It's that there's a clear lack of effort or desire to know him better. So with this Father's Day thing I have to do this dance where I set it up and then make it look like the kids' idea.