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So H and I had a talk with SD about our relationship

SouthernBelle1908's picture

And H was PISSED at SD.

I was not expecting things to go that way. I told him prior to our discussion that I was concerned about looking like the monster no matter what I did.

SD made a million excuses as to why she behaves to way that she does. Eventually, she admitted to not wanting anyone to have authority over her. :? Such is life, sweetie.

She is fine with the relationship like it is and really doesn't care that she treats me the way that she does. H really wanted us to have a better relationship and for her to look up to me, but she's not interested. He is now fine with that (so he says...). He says that he now sees that I gave my all (and then some) and that she really doesn't care. He admitted to the fact that she hasn't said more than 2 words to me in the last year. He agreed that she's been disrespectful.

I further confirmed that I am not her mother and that I will not mother her. That is for BM and her dad to handle. Any "gaps" in parenting will be handled by the parent that has the issue...not me. H wasn't happy with this, but accepts it. We both agreed that if she is in my presence and he not around, that I am responsible and that she will mind me.

I did relent on the name thing. She's not allowed to call me by my first name nor the other name she used to call me. She needs to find a new name to call me. I'm leaving that to her.

So all in all, it went well. I'm actually glad that we had the conversation.I told them both that I am DONE talking to them about her. Whatever will be will be.

But now BM has started texting H about her not wanting to be here even more. SMH. I'm not even surprised.

SouthernBelle1908's picture

She's 12.

SouthernBelle1908's picture

I'm sure called me that name and then some in her head long before this conversation...

thinkthrice's picture

Isn't it fascinating when biodad's "one big happy family" model (TM) collapses before his eyes? Takes all the strength in the world not to say "I told you so. . ."

SouthernBelle1908's picture

I'm not going to allow it. Simple. And if she tries it, there will be an issue and that issue will be addressed.

That's logical to me. It's mind boggling how something so basic isn't making sense to others. I'm trying to give the nitwit some space to be a big girl and do the big girl thing. If she can't do it, I'll do it for her. I gave her some ideas: Miss Firstname, Mrs Lastname, etc.

Would YOU allow someone to call you that? And if they did, what would you do?

MrsZipper's picture

I think the more likely thing is that SD will not call OP anything, she will just ignore her. If SD hasn't said more than 2 words to OP in the last year as the post stated this is a non-issue.

SouthernBelle1908's picture

That is very likely what will happen. I told her and her dad the same things. Don't want a relationship with me? COOL! I don't mind. I don't want one with her and her dad told her that I don't like being around her because of how she behaves.

Better life for me and my LO if she isn't around and ignores me. *shrug* Disengagement on both of our parts will make everyone's life a breeze.

SouthernBelle1908's picture

I like it! }:)

blending2012's picture

"He says that he now sees that I gave my all (and then some) and that she really doesn't care. He admitted to the fact that she hasn't said more than 2 words to me in the last year. He agreed that she's been disrespectful."

I-m so happy this is a HUGE VICTORY. I would KILL for this level of acknowledgement from DH.

I still get "don't take it personally", "she probably didn't hear you", "you're being too sensitive", "I didn't see her ignore you".

It makes me think I'm crazy. Sometimes a little acknowledgement goes a LOOOOONNNGGG way

SouthernBelle1908's picture

You aren't crazy. H said the same things to me.He would tell me to "try harder" to have a relationship with her.

Please.

SouthernBelle1908's picture

You aren't crazy. H said the same things to me.He would tell me to "try harder" to have a relationship with her.

Please.

still learning's picture

It's great that DH backed you. Just wondering why she can't call you by your first name?