Therapist for first time in 27 years!
Finally, husband agreed to see a therapist as a couple! We're going tomorrow! I told him I cannot tolerate this charade much longer. Long story short--36 year old stepdaughter has depended on us since she was 18. Husband bails her out all the time. Now, she is seeing an unemplyed man who already has a toddler and a 4 month old---by another woman. She (SD) told us they are planning to get pregnant! We told her we will no longer give her money. She of course, is not speaking to us now. She has used our poor little grandson and several times she has told him (after we planned special trip with him: "they don't want you." He has called me crying, and after I tell him we love him and that we always want him to come with us,he calms down and says: "maybe my mom misunderstood". I find her manipulation of using her son as a form of child abuse.
In any event, given that she and unemplyed boyfriend are actively trying to have a baby, I thought it was HIGH time to get a professional involved. Although my husband says he will not pay another dime, well, I've been there way too many times. Once the baby comes, he will say the baby and grandson must eat, have a roof over them and transportation....then, we will continue paying. Husband put a down payment on a car for her AND co-signed the loan---without asking me. Of course, she pays it late. She is 36 for God's sake. If he doesn't engage in therapy and continues this enabling, crippling behavior, I will leave. Please pray for us.
Prayers are on their way for
Prayers are on their way for you. Keep us posted.
I hope it goes well. We did the same routine with my YSS for years. I didn't say much, because it never shorted myself of anything; with that being said, these people are adults and need to get a job, not get pregnant. My YSS ended up spending 15 years in prison for $$$$ fraud. That is the only thing that finally opened my DH's eyes. It would not have mattered what I said, DH had to learn the facts about his kid.
Now YSS53 is out of prison and holds a job. Of course he is on parole; he has to live in a neighboring State with BM, part of the rules. So we'll see how it goes; but DH doesn't give any $$$$. What a waste.
Good Luck!
You are on right track. It
You are on right track. It took my DH getting incurable cancer to wake him up to his son's real character, both of them. I used the comparison of what would your father do? - He loved his father immensely and he loves his children - I think it is hard to realize love does not always trump selfishness.
We have gone the - "do it for the children", then "do it for the grandchildren", had a call in April - If we didn't give him the $9000 for his tax refund (he could not cash without waiting for 10 days out of state check)the grandchildren would have no food. Told him to grow up and work it out - truly a first at 37 years old. He did, all are alive and well. I just got a call last week asking when I would have a birthday gift for grandchild.
Still hated - both of us - but always keep in touch for money. Tell him to stand firm and see if he gets cut off when not paying - he shouldn't worry - it only lasts until the next attempted con.
Note: Responses should never be mean or angry - just use "hope that works out for you" and "Hope you find a way out of your situation". I gave that advice to my DH and we had much less drama - since we do not hear long drawn stories of need and desperation.
Prayers out to you.
You are in a very difficult
You are in a very difficult situation because the parent will naturally always want to help the child. Some divorced parents like my DH are intimidated as wll and fear losing their child. My DH has taken horrible behavior from his kids and it took me a long time to ignore it and realize its his choice and his problem not mine. I act as if he and his kids are now separate entities. You are taking a positive step and there will be amazing growth on your part and there is change ahead. Good luck on this new journey of healing!
If your DH is so clueless
If your DH is so clueless that he has not found clarity after 18 years of supporting his useless waste of skin 36yo POS breeding for daddy's dollars daughter I would forecast that therapy will be a waste of time, money, and effort. He is a lost cause on this issue.
Go for your own sanity then take the money you would have spent on DH's participation in therapy and have regulare wine and spa days periodically.
Wether DH catches an unlikely clue from therapy or not... stick to your ZERO funds for the breeding POS guns and make sure that DH clearly understands the consequences if he violates that inviolable policy.
Good luck.