My ex often invites my other ex, how do I stop this?
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I have two children, one with each of my two exes. One is 19, the other 6. This weekend the 6 year old will have a birthday party hosted jointly by his mother and I. We share the expense and preparation. My older son will be there also, his mother probably as well. I don't want her to be there. She only comes to spite me. How do I handle this? She has no legal right to be there but the mother of my 6 year old will allow it. Advise?
Stop doing a joint party.
Stop doing a joint party.
Or...tell ex number one to not come. If ex number two says it is still ok for her to come, then you pull your money from the joint party and throw your own for your child.
^^^I second this. Stop doing
^^^I second this. Stop doing joint parties. You can't control what your exes do, but you can control what you do. Stop playing big happy family with your ex. You're divorced, you don't have to throw joint parties anymore. Throw your own party for your kid and don't invite either ex. They're only doing what you're allowing.
The kid is 19, is it really
The kid is 19, is it really necessary to have his mom tag along anymore? Seems like you have a reasonable relationship with BM2, why don't you talk to her about it. If it is a joint party , you should both have say in the attendees. I think it is sweet for the 19year old to want to go for the younger one... but certainly old enough to attend a party without mommy.
The only way to keep the 19
The only way to keep the 19 year old's mom from attending is to stop having join parties or foot the bill 100%. As long as the 6 year old's mom is helping to cover the cost, she gets a say in who attends the parties.
How did the two moms get along when you were with BM2? If they had a good relationship then (since mom invites the older kid to the younger kid's events, I assume the women had a decent relationship), expecting them not to be friendly now is a bit much.
Then that opens the door for
Then that opens the door for BM to say SM can't attend. :jawdrop:
The best solution would be to stop with the joint parties.
I agree. If they were
I agree. If they were friendly to begin with, asking them to stop now is not ok. However, I also think it's dumb to throw a joint birthday party. Each do something at your own expense at your own house so you can invite whoever the you want/don't invite whoever you don't want.
Of course, I also know of a situation where the guy cheats on wife (which we'll call BM1) with BM2, and after he divorces BM1, BM1 and BM2 become buddies and try to make his life hell (with-holding kids, etc.) He is now married to wife number 2, who probably has her hands full since apparently she's not allowed where BM2's kid is so when MIL invited the guy and all his kids over to her house on x-mas, new wife couldn't be there. Then halfway through the party, BM2 demanded he return the kid and he did just so he wouldn't have to argue with her and cause a scene, even though he wasn't supposed for another 5 hours.
Stop hosting a joint party
Stop hosting a joint party with BM2 if you don't want BM1 there. That's really your only solution. You can host YOUR OWN party and invite who you want. She can host her own and invite BM2 if she wants. You try saying she "legally has no right" to be there but you're wrong. Unless you have an active RO against her, she's been invited by your co-host, BM2. So, LEGALLY, yes, she has a right to be there.
Invite her ex. Ex of her ex.
Invite her ex. Ex of her ex. Exes of her exes exes.
Some inception shit right there.
You don't have to allow it.
You don't have to allow it. So, don't. Inform her that she is not welcome and if she shows up you will have her escorted away. Inform your 19yo of what will happen so he is prepared. Inform XW#2 also.
People don't have to tolerate that kind of crap ... so don't.
Great way to ruin the 6yo's
Great way to ruin the 6yo's bday.
Don't want to be at the party with Mom1? Host your own party. Not rocket science.
If XW1 doesn't show there is
If XW1 doesn't show there is no issue. If the OP notifies her that she is not welcome then if she chooses to attend the consequences are her choice.
Pretty simple.
well maybe they are trying to
well maybe they are trying to let the 9 year old see that she has more family that loves her. i would be happy for that kind of situation as long as the two exs get along and dont fuss and fight. i would just think more on the lines of having my two kids spending time together and growing up together would be great. As long as everyone gets along.