SD18 has finally left for the army! ......"but....."
Two years ago my life dramatically changed for the better when my SD was forced to go live with her bio-daddy. Her "secret" life was suddenly discovered, and it was so shocking that my DW had no choice but to send SD to her father's for a fresh start. In brief, SD had been smoking pot, doing horribly in school, secretly dating gang-bangers, and had cut so many classes that DW was almost criminally charged for her truancy. DW was (and is) a card-carrying "friend" parent, but she did the right thing and let her go.
Flash-forward to today. SD has mostly cleaned up her act. She managed to graduate from her new high school, and avoided getting pregnant. Sure, she statrted smoking cigarettes and gambling the minute she turned 18, but nobody's perfect ;). Most importantly, though, SD has decided to enlist in the army. This is actually a great move, as she will have a job and won't be wasting money running up student loans for a degree that she won't complete. Most importantly, she should be posted far away from where we live,so she shouldn't be tempted to try and move on and mooch off of us.
Now for the "but." It is really frustrating watching DW continue to chase SD around and try to kiss her ass, only to see SD mostly ignore DW in favor of the bio-daddy. Even though living with her bio-daddy was tough, because he forced SD to behave better, SD still engages in the same hero worship that was common while she was living with us. Maybe it's because SD knows that DW loves her unconditionally, so she doesn't feel like she needs to appreciate DW, but it is still aggravating to see her blow DW off like she does.
On the other side of the coin, l am getting really tired of watching DW pucker up to SD. In the last few weeks, here is what DW has done for SD's graduation/departure for Basic Trainng:
1. Attended the honor's banquet at SD's school.
2. Attended graduation.
3. Had a cookout in SD's honor.
4. Had a movie night for SD.
5. Dropped SD off at the local recruiter office, where she would transported to the intake facility, which was 4 hours away.
6. Followed SD to the intake city, and took her out for dinner.
7. Attended SD's swearing in.
8. Followed SD's bus to the airport for a "final" goodbye.
9. Stayed in constant text communication until SD's plane landed.
I understand wanting to say goodbye, but freaking cut the cord already!
Also, SD gets one phone call after 3 days at Basic, and she's already told DW that she will be calling her bio-daddy. At the end of Basic, she gets to send one invitation for her graduation, and you can bet it will be going to bio-daddy.
I wish SD well, but I am glad she is finally gone. I don't think I could handle much more of DW's chasing, and SD crapping on DW. Hasta la pasta SD!
LMAO! I read this last night
LMAO! I read this last night and "got it" just now when I read it again. Too funny!
As a non-custodial mom of a
As a non-custodial mom of a 17 year old girl who could match your SD's description, I say you need to give your DW a break. So WHAT if she wants to help her child celebrate, and then send her off?! It's not like she's taking her on some elaborate vacation or shopping spree...she's spending time with her daughter before she sends her off into the world.
My daughter has been a major PITA and my DH has seen her treat me like shit and say the absolute worst things you can imagine. But you know what? She's still my daughter. And I would probably do no less for my daughter than your DW did for hers.
If your DW starts making plans to move to be near the kid during basic, then you need to complain about cutting the cord...until then, chill out...sounds like you have a loving, caring mother as your wife. So what's to complain about?
What mother WOULDN'T do the
What mother WOULDN'T do the things you listed???
Well.... other than following
Well.... other than following her 4 hours to the intake city to take her out to dinner (and then following the bus to the airport), I don't think the rest of it qualifies as ass-kissing. I also don't really see anything in your post where SD is "blowing off" your DW. (If she only gets one phone call, and she talked to Mom most recently when Mom took her to intake, it's reasonable to call Dad.)
Obviously we can't see the whole picture from your post, so I'm thinking there's more to this story. Still, SD is launched, so take a deep breath and enjoy it!
I would of done all of that
I would of done all of that stuff your wife did for BS19 and have. Lighten up on her. The kid is doing well now and will probably not be a burden to your life, but you need to just let your wife do what she wants for her kid.
I completely appreciate your
I completely appreciate your feelings over this. Some kids are toxic enough that their departure is worthy of complete celebration. For those who love the bio parent who the toxic spawn shit upon it is difficult to understand why the parent victim is so devastated by the departure of a hell spawned child.
Your SD is gone, thankfully, and toxic and bitchy to her mother or not she did finish HS and is at least taking a shot at something honorable.
Your bride will need you to be her emotional support as SD yet again breaks her heart.
Take care of yourself and your bride and have a big old grin on your face now that the SD is gone, gone, gone.
I think in general, moms have
I think in general, moms have a more difficult time with their kids leaving the nest. I understand SD was a complete bitch to mom, but a mother's love is unconditional. YOU don't have the same feelings for her and that;s totally understandable. I would definitely dote on my child (even if they shit all over me) when they left for the military or college. I also know that I sure as hell would NOT do the same for one of my skids. It's just not the same thing.
Thanks for checking in Paul!
Thanks for checking in Paul! Your post is the poster child for why "friend" or "Disney" parenting doesn't work. Children WANT boundaries and standards to live up to. I have to agree with the other gals that I don't think your DW went overboard, but knowing what I know about her from before.... well I guess she hasn't stopped the butt kissing lol! :sick: Sounds like SD is doing fine- better than most on here. I guess the "Walking Anus" came through for her!